MAGIC ITEMS YOUR MOM WOULDN'T APPROVE OF Item Price Basque of Transvestitism 200 Boo-Hag Goggles 100 Breast Plate +1 600 Earring(s) of Androgyny 250 Everful Baby Bottle 200 Figurine Of The Willing WonTon 400 Frictionless Sheets 250 Gem of the Vo Yure 250 Girdle of Speedy Gestation 500 Girdle of Hippolyte 1500 Hourglass of Parietals 500 Jackknife of Circumcision 2000 Ladies' Glass Ball 2000 Lipsticks Of The Houri - Sleeping 1000 - Wounding 1000 - Weakness 2000 - Slavery 3000 - Nereid 8000 - Death 9000 Marishars Miraculous Bath House 7500 Morgaine's Chainmail Bikini 1000 Parents SoloPlay Cursed Item --- Penis of Astounding 1500 Periapt Of Proof Against Pregnancy 500 Periapt Of Sexual Aides 1000 Perfume/Musk Of Attraction 500 Philter of Love 250 Phylactery of Prophylactics 250 Potion of Aphrodisia 250 Potion of Potency 250 Rahasia's Whirlpool Tub Of Love 500 Ring Of The Bulls 300 Ring Of Perversion --- Ring Of Protection 1500 Ring of Sexuality Detection 300 Sheet Of Useful Toys 300 Spectacles of Revealing 250 Sword Of Castration 2000 Teeny-Weeny Bikini 1000 Underwear Of Virginity 200 Wand of Elenora's Embarrassment 300 Wand Of Love 2000 Wand of Pillows 1000 Wand Of Vibration 1000 Basque of Transvestitism - Any male wearing this garment appears to be a female of the same race with identical stats. Any female character can automatically see through this illusion, but males have to make Wisdom rolls to realise something is wrong. Boo-Hag Goggles - These goggles make everyone look much more sexually attractive to the wearer than they really are. Breast Plate +1 - This piece of armor gives the wearer a +1 bonus to adjustment to armor class. Thus, a wearer with AC of 5 will have an AC of 4 when this breast plate is worn. This armor is made of a strange substance referred to by mages as Silicon. Earring(s) of Androgyny - These earrings make it impossible for anyone to discern the gender of the wearer, even if naked. Everful Baby Bottle - This baby bottle always contains milk. The milk is kept at a constant warm temperature. Most bottles produce cow's milk, but some can produce milk from other mammals. Some exotic bottles were known to produce enriched dragon's milk. Figurine Of The Willing WonTon - This appears as a tiny (an inch or so high) statuette of a lovely male or female. When the figurine is tossed down and a command word spoken, it becomes a very attractive living normal sized person that will serve him/her. The person serves willingly and well, but at the end of 12 hours it returns to statue form. The figurine does not come with any gear or clothes. The mount can't do anything but perform basic sexual acts. Frictionless Sheets - These covers seem like any other silk sheets, but they have a nasty side. Three rounds after coming in contact with living material (i.e. a person) the sheets become completely frictionless. This could be very nasty if there is any strenuous activity occurring at the time. With the loss of friction there will be nothing to hold the person/s in the bed. Depending on the level of activity the person/s could simply slide out of bed or be shot out of bed at a high velocity. There are several applications for this magic item. But if found randomly by a character it could be fun for the GM to suddenly say to a character that while relaxing on his/her newly found sheets the character slides off and can not clime back into bed (HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH). The effect will wear off in 2-8 (2D4) rounds if no living material is in contact with it. Gem of the Vo Yure - These finely cut and polished stones are indistinguishable from ordinary jewels, although a detect magic spell will reveal its enchantment. When gazed through, the Gem of the Vo Yure enables the user to see all human and kindred creatures as naked. The viewing range is 300'. Girdle of Speedy Gestation - This girdle reduces the term of pregnancy and labor to 1/10th of normal, with no ill effects to bearer or baby. Girdle of Hippolyte - This is really a thin metallic chain one wears around the waist. The wearer is completely immune to any diseases or ill effects gained through sexual intercourse (including the level- draining abilities of succubi/incubi). Hourglass of Parietals - This typical hourglass compels sexual segregation. Males and females must move into separate rooms of any building containing such an hourglass once time has expired. This device is commonly used in certain lawful suspicious institutions of learning in the Realms. Jackknife of Circumcision - A magical device used in the initiation rites of certain mythos, which functions as a Knife +2 in the hands of a circumcised male. Ladies' Glass Ball - A glass ball containing a green substance hangs from a pendant. The ball itself is plugged from the bottom with a plug of cork. The green substance inside, however, will show magical properties. If consumed by a female this green potion will protect her from impregnation for 1d4 months (GMs choice as to information given to PC). However, if consumed by a male the substance will instantaneously cause 1d4 points of damage. Then a save against poison must be made each hour for the duration of days equal to half the PC's Constitution. If he fails he looses one hit point per failure The poison in a male will not kill him but causes him sever discomfort and embarrassment. He will begin to grow hair at an accelerated rate (1d4 inches/day) and his voice will become very feminine (no save). Lipstick Of The Houri - This lipstick gives its wearer a limited kiss ability mimicking the spell of the same name. The effects last double the duration of the spell. Each stick is good for 5 applications and each application lasts for 1-6 kisses. Marishars Miraculous Bath House - This one square inch marble block is carved in the appearance of a Roman-style villa with pillars at the front and erotic mosaics on the side and back walls. Once a day, the bathhouse can be invoked (command word Bachus). It immediately grows in size until it is as large as a small house. It is identical to the statue, with high marble walls, and pillars at the front covering the entrance. The doorway is only large enough to allow one person at a time to pass through, and has a large brass door that can be bolted from the inside. Two large Iron Golems cast as Nubian slaves with scimitars guard the doorway. Whoever passes inside first is the master/mistress of the bath house, and all the creatures of the bath house will obey them. Inside the house is only one room, with two pools (hot and cold) and several marble slabs. gauzy silk curtains, cushions and tapestries decorate the place. Several swans (white if the master is good/neutral, black if evil) swim calmly on the cold pool. In the bath house are 2d6 beings of the same race and opposite gender, with 18 charisma and 18 comeliness. They are happy to please and have 20's in any and all the new sexual proficiencies. If the master/mistress of the house wishes, the companions can be switched to any gender or species. Inside the bath house, it is always comfortably warm, and there is always food (as long as you like grapes and dates) and fresh water. Nothing from the bath house (golems, companions, cushions, water, food) can leave the bath house. If taken outside they vanishes. Morgaine's Chainmail Bikini - As a fashion conscious adventurer, Morgaine has decided to create the ultimate in sexy adventure-wear, the "Chainmail Bikini". Provocatively designed to distract opponents, the "Chainmail Bikini" covers only the minimal basics in order to preserve modesty. Both the male and female versions are made of fine quality chain mail, carefully lined with the softest furs available, to ensure no nasty chain burns. The "Chainmail Bikini" is magically enchanted to provide armour class protection affordable by anyone. The "base model" provides a straight Armor Class 10 and is merely for decorative/distraction purposes, providing basically no protection for the wearer. Other models provide an increasing amount of magical protection, with a corresponding increase in cost. The special "Temperature-Controlled" models have an added feature which maintains body temperature in extreme cold or hot weather. The creature can stand unprotected in temperatures as low as -30 degrees Fahrenheit or as high as 130 degrees Fahrenheit with no ill effect. Temperatures beyond these limits inflict 1 point of damage per hour of exposure for every degree beyond the limit. A special model, "Chainmail Chastity", provides a miniature lock and key for those adventurers who are concerned about losing the friendship of their unicorn friends. And for those dungeons where the GM forgot to put in a bathroom (or for female adventurers at _that_ time of the month) there is the "Port-a-Potty" model, which has a special liner that absorbs wastes for up to one week's time. To clean, remove liner and place in a waste receptacle, intone the appropriate magical phrase, and the liner will "give up" its contents. Intone the other magical phrase to reset the liner for another week's work. Warning: Be certain to reset the liner before the week is out, as the liner will automatically stop absorbing, and there is a 50% chance that the liner will automatically reset itself, leaving the adventurer with a lovely, warm feeling. Evil beings leave trapped versions by replacing the lining with a bag of devouring, for a bit more enjoyment. A special smaller "Port-a-Potty" diaper model has been created for infants and has been very popular in large cities. Parents SoloPlay Cursed Item - This cursed item can be anything but typically is in the form of something used by a child in puberty such as jewelry, brush/comb, or book. This item was created by a goodie goodie cleric or mage to ensure "spiritual purity". When the possessor of this item masturbates roll 1d6 on the following chart to see what happens to the offender: Die Roll Effect 1-2 "Struck by lightening" that does 10d6 (minus Constitution) points of damage. 5d6 points of damage if indoors. 3-4 "Go blind" that lasts 7d6 days. 5-6 "It falls off" but actually only causes 1d10 points of painful, permanent damage to genital region. Also, causes intense panic. Penis of Astounding - This is a 12' long artificial penis. It is used to stun an observer. When worn by a male, the Penis has a 70% chance of stunning a person for 1d10 rounds. However when worn by a woman, the odds increase to 95%. The penis is not subject to sexual arousal or feeling, thus it can be used in combat, when unsuccessful as a penis of astounding. Another version, the Ultra Penis of Astounding, also comes with a bag of milk. Periapt Of Proof Against Pregnancy - This engraved gem appears to be a gem of small value. This periapt provides 100% protection against pregnancy for males and females. Periapt Of Sexual Aides - This gem appears nothing else then a diamond (500-1000 gp), and no magic is detected. When in possession no effect is noted until the possessor engages in sex. Then, if a man is wearing the periapt, he cannot have a orgasm until his partner (which he is having sex with) has at least one orgasm. If worn by a woman, it makes herself more susceptible for orgasms (a roll of 1-2 on 1d10). In a sexual act, if more than one person are using this kind of periapt, they will explode for 3-12 (3d4) of blasting damage (10' radius), and all possessors must check a system shock or lose the fertility. Perfume/Musk Of Attraction - This liquid increases the wearer's charisma by 1 point. The duration is 1d20 hours. The liquid comes in a small bottle with 2d20 applications. Philter of Love - As in the DMG page 144, with the following revision: the philter will only inspire love for the next person the imbiber sees who is of the appropriate gender with respect to the imbiber's sexual orientation. Phylactery of Prophylactics - A phylactery with 1d6 detachable beads, each one of which functions as a Contraception spell (see guide). Potion of Aphrodisia - Functions as Obsession spell (see guide) directed towards next person seen by the imbiber, regardless of the viewed person's gender. Potion of Potency - Functions as Prowess spell (see guide), for 6 hours. Rahasia's Whirlpool Tub Of Love - Legend states that this enchanted whirlpool tub was created by Rahasia, Mage Priestess of Ishtar, The Priestess of Love. Whirlpools like this do appear in all Ishtar temples and the best appears at Rashasia's. Now, tubs appear all over Oerth and the Realms mainly as an item of the rich and famous. The tub is approximately 5 feet by 5 feet by 5 feet with side seats in it. The tub can create air bubbles at the bottom that flow delightfully to the top. Also, the temperature of the water can be controlled. Command words are as followed: Temperature Command Bubbles Command Cold Frigus Low Humilis Warm Calidus Medium Modus Hot Fervidus High Alte Some clever clerics and mages have created gems that cause the same effects as the whirlpool tub when they are placed in a small body of water. Ring Of The Bulls - This regular ring is engraved with a bull head. When worn by a male, his more-private anatomy increases in size. The size is dependant on the type of the ring (Roll 1d12): Die Roll Ring Type Effect 1-5 Calf Add 1/3 of the size 6-9 Young Add 1/2 of the size 10-11 Bull Double the size 12 THE BEAST Triple the size <- dangerous The male also gains a +1 to constitution checks during sex. Ring Of Perversion - Cursed ring that can only be removed by a remove curse spell. While the ring is worn, the person suffers the effects of a sexual insanity (roll on the insanity table). Ring Of Protection - This large ring is for males only and doesn't go on fingers or toes. It provides 100% protection from pregnancy and sexual diseases (both magical and natural). Ring of Sexuality Detection - A very simple ring with a white, semiprecious stone set in the side, which functions as per the Divine Sexual Orientation spell (see guide), with the following restrictions. Anyone whose orientation is scried makes a Wisdom check at -2. If the check is made, then the scried individuals will sense that they are the subject of some scrutiny. A successful Charisma check following that successful Wisdom check will alert them to the purpose - but not necessarily the source - of the scrutiny. Sheet Of Useful Toys - This appears to a normal sheet adorned with about 20 small cloth patches of various shapes. Anybody can remove a patch. Detaching a patch causes it to become an actual item. The item is some exciting sexual toy. The toy could be anything like oil, a whip, blindfold, body lotion, body paint, or anything else the GM images. Spectacles of Revealing - While wearing these, the wearer sees everyone as though they were absolutely naked. Sword Of Castration - This weapon has a +2 bonus to hit and damage. The real power of the sword is when the attacker rolls a non-adjusted 20 on the attack roll. When this occurs, the victim (if male, ignore if female) will lose his most treasured body part. Legend has it that this sword was created by evil (and bitter) Amazon Warriors. Teeny-Weeny Bikini - This object, when worn, will shrink upon command revealing more and more of the wearer's body thus distracting any and all male counterparts. If the save versus magic is not made, the men around the woman will do various stupid things like run into walls, trip, or make strange burbling sounds as they try not to let it be know how they feel. Although the bikini will shrink, it will or will not reveal anything depending upon the wearer's wishes. Thus, modesty in one might be flagrant display with another. The bikini will fit anyone of any size. The bikini also appears originally as a full body, 1920's style swimsuit. Additional References: The Teeny-Weeny-Swimsuit for men. Cost: Varies. Underwear Of Virginity - This underwear is very popular among protective fathers. When worn, the underwear cannot be removed without the command word (usually the father's middle name said backwards). The underwear is normal in respects to touch, but it is impossible to rip or tear. The underwear also magically disposes of body waste before it leaves the body, so there is no mess and absolutely no reason to remove it. Wand of Elenora's Embarrassment - The apprentice wizard Elenora's biggest achievement to date is a magic wand 12" long made of ivory with silver bands around it. Under detect spells it appears as a wand of invisibility; but as Elenora found out when she demonstrated it to the assembled wizard council, it renders the users clothes completely invisible for 1 turn (hence its name). It takes an Intelligence check (every round) to notice the invisibility, as the clothes still feel perfectly normal. Wand Of Love - This wand is very thin, white, and has a lightning star in one point. Anyone struck by the star ('to hit' roll required) must save vs. spell or fall madly in love with the wand possessor. This love is a double strength charm person (all rules apply), but the effected character will even kill persons to retain his/her loved man/woman in romance. Wand of Pillows - A normal looking wand which produces pillows. Here is the most fun magic item ever found, a "Wand of Pillows". Just point and it produces loads of nice fluffy pillows. Great for padding that dungeon room to sleep. Also, on occasion it can pad the bottom of a drop when one loses all of his/her rope. Furthermore, one can use it to defeat opponents through bewilderment, "Vile villain, stand back or surely I shall slay you with my great and powerful wand", where upon activation of the wand the enemy would fall into uncontrolled laughter etc, etc, etc... Wand Of Vibration - This wand has a small dial at one end. In magical ruins on one end of the dial it reads "Pleasant Tingle" and at the other end of the dial it reads "The Crusher". The last setting is very dangerous and can cause 1 point of structural damage per round to any materials less than or equal to rock. Also, this setting cause 1d10 points of damage per round to anybody foolish enough to place the wand in a body cavity at such a high setting. Other magic items being worked on: Wand of Instant Gratification (ecstasy spell) - Morgan Helm of Horniness (cursed item) - Morgan ----------------------------------------------------------------------- CUPID'S CHAOTIC ARROWS These arrows are the work of 'Irnar the chaotic mage (protege Morgan Blackheart of the Chaotic Realm). Sometimes while trying to enchant an arrow his mind wanders to perverse or romantic thoughts and the actual enchantment isn't quite what he wants. He sells such "rejects" to the local weapons store at discount prices (which are still quite high due to the power of most of them). The weapons dealers then sell the arrows to foolish adventurers. They advertise the arrows as "Gifts from the Love Gods", "Missile Weapons for the Mature", and "If You Like Chaos...". Then, the dealers inflate the price and make a bundle. The arrows are available infrequently and at high cost. (One of the most popular dealers is Secondhand Stan the Pawn and Porno Man). These arrows are never predictable in their effects. Roll percentile dice and divide by three (round fractions consistently). Arrows may be used only once, at which time they disintegrate into a worthless pile of dust unless stated otherwise. A successful hit from an attack roll must be made to initiate an effect unless stated otherwise. They do not do damage unless stated otherwise. Mainly chaotic characters use the arrows. Also, characters with a low wisdom tend to use them a lot more that others. Effects: 1) The arrow is reflected back at the archer. Roll again to see the effects on the archer ignoring this result. 2) The victim's Charisma is increased by 1d6 to a max. of 18 for 1d4 days. 3) The victim's Comeliness is increased by 1d10 to a max. of 30 for 1d4 days. 4) The victim's Dexterity with respect to sexual ability increases 1d6 to a max. of 18 for 1d4 day. 5) The victim's Constitution with respect to sexual ability increases 1d6 to a max. of 18 for 1d4 day. 6) All clothing, armor, and personal belongings carried on the victim fall to ground leaving the victim naked. 7) The victim will fall in love with the first living creature of the opposite sex to meet his/her gaze and feel compelled to follow the creature for 1d4 days in hope to win her/his love. 8) The victim will fall in love with the first living creature of the opposite sex of the same race to meet his/her gaze and feel compelled to follow the creature for 1d4 days in hope to win her/his love. 9) The victim goes into a melancholy depression for 1d4 days during which he/she feels compelled to recite and attempt to write love poetry. 10) The victim becomes infatuated with himself/herself for 1d4. He/She spends a lot of his/her money on mirrors, fine clothing, perfumes, cosmetics, etc.. 11) The victim feels the urge to kiss a living creature of the opposite sex and same race, and will make every attempt to do so. 12) The victim feels the "urge to merge" a living creature of the opposite sex and same race, and will make every attempt to do so. 13) "Love is blind" so victim becomes blind for 1d4 days. 14) The victim becomes "drunk on love". Therefore, he/she is affected as if intoxicated for 1d4 days. 15) The victim becomes "crazed with love" for 1d4 hours. Thus, he/she is confused. Roll 1d10 for the results: 1 Wander away (unless prevented) 2-6 Stand confused one turn (then roll again) 7-9 Attack nearest creature for 1 turn (then roll again) 10 Act normally for 1 turn (then roll again) 16) The victim becomes "love struck" for 1d4 days. Thus, he/she goes into a state of suspended animation. This cessation of time means that the victim does not grow older. His/her body functions virtually cease. 17) "Nothin' says lovin' like a bun in the oven", so female victims become impregnated. Roll 1d10 to find out what the child is: 1-5 same race as parent 6-9 other common race (elf, human, dwarf, halfling, etc.) 10 Demon Male victims suffer 4d6 points of damage as punishment for going around and getting innocent females pregnant. 18) "Say love with the gift that lasts: a diamond". The tip of the arrow turns into a diamond during its flight. The recipient's Armor Class becomes 10 due to the piercing of the diamond (dexterity bonuses still apply). The diamond-tipped arrow inflicts 1d10 points of damage. The diamond is worth roughly 1d4 X 1000 silver pieces. 19) "Love is in the eyes of the beholder". During the flight of the arrow, it becomes a 70 hp beholder (Monstrous Compendium Vol. 1) and attacks the intended recipient of the arrow. Upon the victim's destruction, the beholder will attack randomly. 20) The victim begins dancing for 1d4+1 rounds, complete with feet shuffling and tapping. This dance makes it impossible for the victim to do anything other than caper and prance; this cavorting worsens the Armor Class of the victim by -4, makes saves impossible except on a roll of 20, and negates any consideration of a shield. 21) The victim has the urge to become a prostitute and will attempt to fulfill this urge for 1d4 days. 22) The victim contracts a random normal sexual disease. 23) The victim contracts a random magical sexual disease. 24) The victim contracts a random sexual insanity. 25) The victim attracts frogs for 1d4 days. The frogs are plain, ordinary frogs whether you kiss them or not. 26) If the victim is male, he develops large breasts for 1d4 days. If the victim is female, she develops an enormous amount of body hair and will prefer to urinate standing up. 27) The arrow is a Heartbreaker. The arrow turns into a lightning bolt that inflicts 10d6 points of damage upon contact. A successful save vs. spell reduces the damage to half (round fractions down). 28) The arrow is a Screamer. The whistling sound is like the sound of a bomb falling, but without any effect whatsoever. Normal damage. 29) The arrow becomes semi-intelligent with a great knowledge of poetry equal to a bard's. It will constantly follow the victim around receipting all forms of love poetry. 30) The arrow turns into a rose upon contact. 31-33) REROLL ----------------------------------------------------------------------- PROTECTION OF THE WORST KIND (FOR THE MALE) To better equip the saintly woman, some people (probably those gnomes) have designed some vaginal inserts to make would-be rapists pay for their lustful attempts at unlawful entry. But first let us see where these inventions originated at: It seems that the first case of protective vaginal inserts began in human tribes of the wilderness. Naturally the daughter of a tribe's chief was the most sought after girl in the village, and there was a strict custom about whoever took her virginity would be the next leader. To protect their little girls from unlawful entry certain tribes developed vaginal inserts. There is a certain type of cactus whose spines grow at angles on a rather broad, smooth leaf. The chief's wife would remove the spines from one side of two leaves and insert these pieces into the daughter's vagina with the spiny sides facing each other and pointed back inside the girl. If anyone tried to have his way with the girl, his penis would slide in easily enough, but when he went to pull out...... eeeeh.... Model VI-1 Basically a five inch vaginal insert constructed of metal that has a four inch hooked spike in it as such: /------------------ | \ |------------ | \------------------ Thus, any male forcing intercourse would have this device stuck in his penis and he would be easily identified by the wounds. Model VI-2 Same construction as Model VI-1 accept that the walls of the insert all have spring hinged tiny spikes that point inward as such: /--------------------- | / / / / / | | \ \ \ \ \ \--------------------- Thus, the would-be rapist will have this device stuck on/in his penis and he would be easily identified. MODEL VI-S1 This sinister vaginal insert allows the woman to release a spring loaded blade. When the woman thrust a certain way (instructions included) the blade springs out and slices up whatever is in her at the time. Model VI-HM Blueprints These blueprints allow a person to make a safe homemade version of protection at a low cost. Although somewhat complicated, the person basically uses carefully placed broken glass in cork. Conclusion There are two major reasons that these inventions never made it into major production: no woman wants to wear what for her is basically a dildo all day, and a harmed would-be rapist is an unhappy would-be rapist and would probably kill a woman who used such a thing.