A very faked interview

So, what is wicca?
It's neither a religion disguised as a joke nor a joke disguised as a religion.
That's not very informative.
Are you going to answer or not?
It's not a question with a clear answer. While not quite as useless a term as "christian", there is still too much behind the word for it to be a very good description of anything,
But maybe you could give us a hint about what it means to you?
That I could.
Wicca is a way of communicating with the Goddess and the God.
No, wait, that's not quite it. Let's try again: wicca is a way to closer knowledge of the Goddess and the God. But that's not quite it either, because there is also a strong element of worship. You can't really avoid that, since the Goddess is pretty much the coolest babe there can possibly be. When she smiles at you, you get smiled at.
Is that it?
In a very small nutshell,yes.
But what about all that other stuff I've heard about? Circles and covens and pentagrams and athames and whatnot?
Well, they're tools, mostly. Except covens, they aren't tools, they're bunches of people. Circles aren't really tools either, they're... er... circles.
Ok, maybe I should ask about one thing at a time here. Let's start with pentagrams. Are all people I see wearing those wiccans?
No. Probably not even one in ten, I'd say, but that is just a wild guess. The pentagram is an old symbol, and many have used it. It is, basically, a symbol of protection. Among ourselves, we use it for other things as well.
Like what?
That I will not say. It is not that it is a secret, exactly, but rather that it is something that should be learnt at the proper time and not before.
Well...ok, then. So, what about those circles?
Circles are the closest things we have to temples or churches. They aren't buildings or places or anything like that. They are simply circles. We make them when we need them, and break them when we are finished with them. They are where we perform our rituals.
But someone said something about an altar? How can you have an altar if you don't have anywhere to put it?
You can put the altar pretty much anywhere, since it's not all that important. I put mine in the corner of my bedroom. If I need it somewhere else, I'll move it. It's a convenient place to keep tools and stuff for the ritual, and it serves as a sort of focus of attention at times, but it is far from necessary.
Someone told me you worship Satan. Is that true?
Satan is a christian myth. They believe in him, not we. Which is just as well, if you ask me, from what they tell me he doesn't seem to be a very nice chap.
Do you want everyone to become wiccans?
No. Unlike many other religions, wicca does not contain the missionary meme. Those who belong with us, come to us.
I've never had any contact with wiccans, how do I know if I belong with you?
You don't, mostly. There is a strong tendency to just end up among us without really understanding how it happened. I've heard quite a few newcomers to the coven saying that when they found us it felt very much like coming home after a long time away.
Well, that's as much as I felt like writing. If you have any further questions, feel free to mail me and ask.

Calle Dybedahl
Last updated: Pungenday, the 14:th day of Bureaucracy in the YOLD 3164.