7a. What are the words to...

... the 'Log' song?

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"

... the words to Stimpy's insane ravings in "Mad Dog Höek"?

From Cinfantastique magazine, June 1993, p. 46:

"I like Darren, he is my friend! I like you AND him--he likes me and I like him!! He likes you, I HOOOOPE! I LIKE HIS AUTOGRAPH, IT IS A NICE PICTURE!!!!! HE IS NIIIIICCEE!!!"

... the jingle for "Sugar Sod Pops"?

"If you like grass, if you like dirt,
eat Sugar Sod Pops, it can't hurt!"

... the Oath?

"I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren & Stimpy show,
to make under-leg noises during the good scenes,
to wear unwashed lederhosen every single day of
the rest of my life."

At least one poster claims 'under-leg' is underling, but the consensus is for the former. Under-leg noises being farts, of course. (Hardly an episode goes by that someone doesn't cut one). Underlings are people working under a boss. So the former makes more sense.

By the way, Under-leg is the proper spelling, not "underleg," according to the R&S calendar. (Also appeared in the R&S Comics)

... the words to the "New Fan Initiation" Oath Of Servitude?

(Bring $1 million in small change before reciting:)

I, (Insert Full Name Here), human, promise to watch the R&S Show until my eyeballs implode, even if it goes into 10 years of reruns! (And?!) I promise to memorize whole episodes and recite the lines shamelessly in unwelcome situations. (And? And? Oh Yeah!) I promise to wear unwashed lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life!

(That's It! You're in our secret club!)

... Nurse Stimpy's oath?

"I do solemnly swear by the sacred bedpan to fix the patient,
and ease his wretched suffering, even until all hope is lost."

... The Muddy Mudskipper theme song?

"Who's the greatest mudskipper of them all?
Who can skip in the mud with the greatest of ease?
What kind of wonderful guy?

Who can crawl like a dog without scraping his knees? [*]
Who's got segmented eyes?

It's Muddy Mudskipper, it's Muddy Mudskipper
It's the Muddy Mudskipper show!"

[*] According to WCK (a Film Threat publication), they claim the line should be "Who can skip in the mud without breaking his knees." Which one is correct?

... Stimpy's "Gritty Kitty" poem?

"Gritty Kitty ain't so pretty, but it's really thick
It fills my cat box oh so snug, it always does the trick
I like to rub it on my toes and squish and squish and squish
It ne'er offends my tender nose, like a smelly fish
Its texture is a joy to me, it's just as smooth as silk
It makes my little whiskers twitch, it stays crunchy even in milk
I may not be the president, I may not be the pope
But as long as I have Gritty Kitty, I shall never mope."

... The "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song?

"Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats. [*]
This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy!
That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!


If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!

[chorus without last line]
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!"

* Stinky's last name debate is over. The calendar of R&S and the flood of fall 1992 articles about our twisted twosome (including U.S.A. Today newspaper) has supported "Wizzleteats."

... Ren's speech just before going to sleep in "In The Army?"
"Good night, Stimpy. Now all I need is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep."

... Ren's speech after the peeling-H-bombs scene in "In The Army"?
"Psst. Hey Guido. It's all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese. And you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it. That's why he's gonna kill us. So we have to beat it. Yeah. Before he lets loose the marmosets on us! Don't worry, little missy! I'll save you!"

... The Hangin' Song in "Out West"?

"OOOOhhh, Lord loves a hangin', that's why he give us necks
It tightens up our vocal chords, and loosens up our pecs.
So if you are a horse thief and guilty to the bone,
Go ahead and blame a friend and you won't hang alone!

It may be hard to swaller, but you'll be three feet taller,
And find new ways to entertain your friends.
You say you are a villian, but can't abide by killin',
Go ahead and steal yourself a horse.

Two three eleven or five seven [take it, boys].
I'm a pickin' and I'm a swingin'!
I'm ignorant, and I'm ugly!
That you are, boys.

OOOOhhh, The Lord loves a hangin', and so do we by heck!
So go and get a lasso and decorate your neck!
Oh we is awful ignorant and uglier than sin,
so go ahead and cut us down... And hang us all again!

Hangin', that is. Swing a spell.
(Ya'll bring the kids next time, ya hear?)" [*]

[*] This line was edited out at the last minute. This line came from the article from Film Threat magazine.

... the words to the "Royal Canadian Yaksmen Anthem"?

Follow the bouncing Ren as you sing! (Karaoke Time:)

"Our country reeks of trees,
Our yaks are very large,
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses.
And we have to clean up after them
And our saddle sores are the best.
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skirts.
And the buzzards, they soar overhead,
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole,
Our bones will bleach in the sun.
And we will probably go to /hell/ [*],
And that is our great reward,
For being The-uh Ro-yal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!"

(Repeat As Necessary)

[*] Hell is never said but is bleeped out all the time and is crossed out in the Karaoke section. (And yes, Karaoke is spelled correctly!:)

... Ren's crazy speech in "Space Madness"?

"...I'll just lie back and think pleasant thoughts. Chicken pot pie... Chocolate covered RAIsins... EEGlazed Hammmmm... They think I'm crazy... But I know better... It is not I who am crazy... It is I who am MAD!... Didn't you hear 'em? Didn't you see the crowds?!! Oh my beloved ice cream bar... How I love to lick your creamy center... eeyaaarghruch... eeyaarghrunch... eeyaarghrunch... And your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering... You're not like the others... You like the same things I do... Wax paper... Boiled football leather... Dog breath... WE'RE NOT HITCHHIKING ANYMORE... WE'RE RIDING...

(Stimpy: "Stop it. You're talking crazy")

Oh no... I know what you want... You coveteth my ice cream bar!

(Stimpy: "Come on now")

No you don't! You can't take it from me now! I've had this ice cream bar since I was a child... People... Always trying to take it from me... Why don't they leave me ALONE?!!!

(Stimpy: "Easy now...")

Back off man!!!... Don't make me use this... One step closer, I'm warning ya... Don't make me use it! Now you've done it! You... forced me to use it!!!...

... the words to Stimpy's Ode To Ren commercial?

"What is a friend?
A friend misses you when you are away, for even for a short while,
A friend is always there to try your latest inventions,
and to protect you from yourself, and only a true friend would scratch
your back, pluck your eyebrows, do your nails, and brush your teeth
all out of the goodness of his heart. Ren is my best pal.
[Announcer: R&S - an ode to friendship.]"

... the words to the song about the board game in "Svën Höek" ?

"Don't whiz on the electric fence!" (TV Show Version)

Someone timed a test print of the segment of this song and
reported to the group that 3-4 lines of song is missing. The song has
turned up on the R&S CD "You Eediot" in its full glory.

... the words Svën repeats in "Svën Höek" ?

From: David R. Zinkin (zinkin@eerie.acsu.buffalo.edu)

I just checked my tape of "Svën Höek" to confirm the quote. It's "Daaaah, he is Ole, you are Svën. He is Ole, you are Svën." Svën says it twice, once after Svën tells him to "say something intelligent" and once after Stimpy says "Daaah, hello, superior creature!"

Editor's Note: Svën says this a total of four times and holds up his hat everytime he says it.

... Mr. Horse's Spanish response in "World Crisis"?

Ren claims it translates to "No sir, he doesn't like it," but Mike Loux discovered a hidden joke.

From Mike Loux (mloux@rm42.ucc.uconn.edu):

"Las cucarachas entran, pero no pueden salir."
(The cockroaches enter, but they can't leave)