

STAR WARS: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace
(Certified U; 133 Minutes)
Written & Directed by George Lucas

    As the days wore on, plodding a slow course towards the 15th July, I
said to myself, whenever I saw yet another article hurling abuse at The
Phantom Menace, I would wait until I had seen it before passing any kind of
judgement.
    The day of reckoning arrived. Today I would see, for the first time, a
really bad film. Usually, I buy a medium sweet tub of popcorn to see my
stomach through the film. I made the decision to forego it this time, (maybe
I wouldn't need it), as I wanted as few a distractions as possible. From the
start, the omens were good. Nobody sat in the seat directly infront of me, I
could watch the film without having to worry about some hyperactive idiot
squirming throughout, or having to stare at a very tall persons head with an
afro, and a bowler hat.
    As I sat and watched the various advertisements and film trailers
beforehand, which seemed to go on and on, (I was getting impatient now), my
haed was filled with worry and trepidation, and......worry and trepidation.
Worry because all I'd heard over the last two month's were accusations that
the film was a huge disappointment, and that it was all a big waste of time.
Trepidation for myself, did I want to go on, did I want to find out after
all this time that I couldn't sit through such an undoubted pile of trash?
    Then it started. Great. And it was. Then it finished. Bloody hell. And I
meant it, I wanted to go and see it again. It wasn't the best film I'd ever
seen, but let me see, what had people been saying about it? Crappy and badly
used characters, much too reliant on SFX, bad guys under-used, bad guy's not
bad enough, stilted script, etc......... All I can say in response is
rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, etc............ Yes, unhook yourself
from that lampshade and listen, my opinions on The Phantom Menace are
overwhelmingly positive. I know, I know, I'm leaving myself open to endless
abuse and should probably be shot in order to put me out of my misery. It's
just that, well, it's just that I think all the bad press that The Phantom
Menace has recieved is totally unjustified, and all that critics firmly on
the warpath are fundamentally wrong.
    I'll start with what many people blame for the film supposedly being so
bad, for eclipsing everything else, the SFX. Many people had written that
The Phantom Menace was merely a showcase for digital technology saying look,
c'mere, this is what we can do. I thought that the SFX brought the film to
life like no other film has ever been able to do, it's not just there to
paste over the films problems, it compliments it perfectly. If George Lucas
had had the same technology in the late seventies and early eighties that is
available now, he would have done exactly the same thing. I expect Chewbacca
would have been CGI! Oh my god! Therefore, he would have been crap to would
I suppose. Don't say anything yet, I'll come back to that particular
hornet's nest later. The SFX built on the original trilogy, pissed on the
original trilogy, not because they obviously look better, but because they
allow for so much more imaginative scope to be employed by Lucas. Nobody,
when the original trilogy was released, could have ever imagined some of the
things that The Phantom Menace has done. Not even Lucas himself. It just
wasn't seen as possible. To all The Phantom Menace's critics, suppose that
Star Wars had looked as good as The Phantom Menace, shown as much visual
imagination, would it to have been crap? On Tatooine, there was a scene in
which Jar Jar Binks had an unfortunate encounter with Sebulba. It was
entirely computer generated. I suppose that makes it shit does it, too
artificial to be any good. If Star Wars was being made with such technolgy
available, Lucas would probably have done the same kind of thing. It looked
great, it added another dimension of life to the space port. In Star Wars,
everything looked naff, everything, yet that is being praised to the hilt.
The original Star Wars suffered from what I call Star Trek Syndrome. This is
telling us that we are seeing another alien culture, but actually it looks
like what, off camera, it actually is, a few buildings in the middle of
nowhere with a politically correct selection of rather human looking aliens.
The Phantom Menace actually appears to have not just one, but many alien
cultures, in every nook and cranny. You can believe it. I can't look at the
original Star Wars, (anymore), or any Star Trek, without knowing that there
is a camera just to the left. I can gladly say that that thought didn't
enter my head during The Phantom Menace. Basically, the point that I am
trying to make is that The Phantom Menace has made a huge effort to surpass
it's predecessors; and in doing that it was going to be different and
snazzy, most certainly not looking camp and corny. What, I ask, is so wrong
with making a film, particularly a science fiction one, look as good as it
possibly can?
    What next, ah yes, Jar Jar Binks. Or, bastard bastard bastard as most
people would probably re-christen him. He's a computer generated character.
That's the first thing that should be praised. He's not a man in a suit.
Chewbacca yeah, Chewbacca great. Actually, man in a suit and a bit crap. Jar
Jar accent is not racially insulting. In an alien culture, they would
probably not have the same racial problems that we have. I don't expect they
get so hung up on how people sound or what colour skin you have. IT DOESN'T
BOTHER THEM, IT'S NOT AN ISSUE. It concerns us because we are idiots. The
same goes for Jar Jar's accent, (which does take some time to understand,
there's no denying that), and the Gungan's accents in general. It's just how
they speak. It's not directed at anybody. Only deeply paranoid people could
think that it is. Everybody compares Jar Jar to the Ewoks from Return of the
Jedi. That, I believe is a bad comparison. A comparison with Chewbacca is
much fairer, as they have both, (I've read), will have appeard in all three
of their respective trilogy's. Chewbacca is basically a monster, tamed. He
illustrates really well the things which sorely limited the original
trilogy. Jar Jar is an imaginative creation, with a personality derived from
more alleyways than one, because now Lucas can. Alright, sometimes his
personality was a little overplayed, but as I said, this isn't the greatest
film ever made. I know that. I accept that, so please don't bother telling
me.
    What about all of the, shall I say, less contentious characters. Namely,
all of them. Yes, I know, they're crap to. But wait. Maybe, just maybe
they're not. Leave that lampshade alone and listen. This is what I thought
of the other characters. One slight admission before though. I did think
that a little bit more character development would have been a good move. I
did think that they were as good as the original trilogy's characters, or
gang as they'd probably rather be known:

    Qui-Gon Jinn - An accompolished and very efficent Jedi Knight. Whenever
he did somthing, he did it because he knew that he was correct, and it was
the right thing, in the long term to do, (Anakin). There was no charging in
and hoping for the best, that, as far as I was concerned, made him much more
believable than you're usual run of the mill action adventure hero.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi - A little under-used I thought. Worryingly, it didn't
immediately strike me as to why. This, in my book, makes him the weakest
link in all the characters. He seemed to spend too much time servicing the
plot developments that were, all too often, executed by Qui-Gon. This was
especially prevelant on Tatooine. But, never mind, he's an apprentice, not
the hero of the piece. He will become the hero. The Phantom Menace isn't
his, it's not supposed to belong to him. Just because he is protrayed by a
big star, does that give him the right to do everything? No, I don't think
it does. Just because he is a well known and well loved character, and is
destined to become a major player in the future, does that mean he has to be
a major player now? No, I don't think it does.

    Anakin Skywalker - Tremendous. He becomes Darth Vader, fine. He was
seduced by the dark side, fine to. But not here, not now. Now, he is a
little boy. A slave. Bought and sold for money. I believe that the fact he
is a good little boy, makes it even more interesting. It makes you even more
mindful that something truely monumental and dramatic will happen to turn
him. If he was a little tear-away, he would have got even more criticism
thrown at him. People would have whined on about the fact that it was
soooooooooo obvious that he had a troubled future ahead of him. Yoda senses
much fear in him. That, at this point, is all we need to know. If you were
seeing this film with a blank canvas, you would emerge with a geniune
feeling of worry about little Anakin's future. You don't because you know
his future, so worry is impossible. Remember, these films, when finished,
are meant to be seen as a six part opera. You are not meant to have prior
knowledge of what is going to happen. But, as you do, it allows Lucas to
load the film with foreboding. Anakin is, because he is the chosen one, a
fragile character, unlike Luke who was very strong and un-wavering). It
shows so well how the dark side is so easy to fall into. Anakin IS fearful.

    Darth Maul - People have been slagging the character off for not
appearing often enough. Personally, I believe this was a good move by Lucas,
it provides us with some of the mystery surrounding him that the Jedi
Council feels. He is not well known to the other characters as Darth Vader
was. The characters are continually stating that they don't know who he is.
Is he a Dark Lord of the Sith? They, and we, are not supposed to know. The
only reason that people have been disappointed by his scarcity is because he
has recieved so much publicity as the big baddie. He is not, he to is an
apprentice. The film doesn't have one. That is a problem that the film does
have, it does need a more prominent bad guy. Neither Darth Maul, or Sidious,
are prominent enough. But, as I said, there is a good reason for that. The
Phantom Menace tries to create a conspiracy feeling, in that nobody has a
monopoly on evilness, something that I didn't think it did too well. Darth
Maul is an introductory character to familiarise is with the Sith. When the
Duel of Fates arrived on screen, (wow), the fact that you hardly got to know
Maul helps wonderfully to portray the sense of mystery that surrounds him,
and all the Sith. Just because we are watching the film, we like to think we
know everything, it gives us a pleasent sense of superiority over the
characters. This is mercilessly removed from our grasp with Darth Maul, and
I thought that was a wonder to behold. If you had gone into the cinema
having not seen any Star Wars, (which, after all, is the idea), you would
hsare the Jedi Council's worry that they don't know who he is. Is he the
master, or the apprentice?

    Senator Palpatine - Sensational. Stole the show. Although, he does
embody a great contradiction. You need to have seen the original trilogy to
understand how significant he is and will become. That's a problem. But,
accepting that, it is tremendously ironic that the start of his rise to
power is sanctioned by a goodie, and the mother of Luke Skywalker, (problem,
relies on original trilogy), Queen Amidala.

    Queen Amidala - It was a weeny bit confusing as to when it was, and when
it wasn't her on screen, what with her handmaidens and other such
shenanigans. However, she successfully portrayed a geniunely distressed head
of a small planet who was way out of her depth. That is why she was so
easily influenced by Senator Palpatine. Who is, as long as it suits him, on
her side. She wouldn't sign the treaty to allow the invasion of Naboo. This
showed that she could clearly see the distinction between good and bad,
(light and dark), but when the two are so cleverly intertwined as they are
with Senator Palpatine, she is nothing more than a pawn.

    Yoda - Puppet like figure said most people, that, he is not. Ace, was
he.

    Mace Windu - His lines were a bit waffly.

    Boss Nass - Couldn't understand a word.

    Darth Sidious - Menacing to say the least. That's about all I can say
about him at the moment.

    So then, it all boils down to what you were expecting. If you were
expecting another brain dead action adventure, then don't see it. However,
if you want a wide ranging piece, with action in the right amount, and
unfortunately dodgy political bit's, (necessary to document Senator
Palpatine's rise to power. You wouldn't want the future Emperor of the
Galactic Empire explained away in one scene, or even worse, one long speech
would you), and boiling over with imagination, then go see it. Now. This
minute.
    Finally, and in conclusion, the plot. This was also universally slated
as being crap. Supposedly, the plot is plot-less and lacking any discernable
direction. Again, I disagree. The Phantom Menace set's everthing up
wonderfully. The plot thickens at marginally below optimun speed, which
isn't ideal but is nowhere near as bad as what had been said. It moves
about, doesn't stay in one place for too long, and climaxes in a fantastic
battle scene containing many threads that come together in just the same way
that they did in A New Hope and Return of the Jedi. The Phantom Menace
brings together all the best bit's of the original trilogy, (yes, despite
what I've said, there are many), and mixes them with a whole bunch of
fantastic new ones. Super, smashing, great. So, contrary to the over-riding
consensus that The Phantom Menace is no good. I reckon that it is far, far
superior to A New Hope and Return of the Jedi, and as good as, if not
better, (gasp), than The Empire Strikes Back. Even though it is marketed as
a kid's film, it does show a greater maturity than the original trilogy.
There are places i nthe film that require something above the level of
intelligence of a 12 year old to enjoy. Taht is, of course, if you bother to
try to enjoy it at all because, after all, it's very, very bad isn't it? The
Phantom Menace isn't hit and hope, it's hit and know. No cowboy's. No silly
womanising actions heroes like Han Solo. I'm not saying he was bad, far from
it, but The Phantom Menace doesn't need anybody like that. The Phantom
Menace has a much more accomplished buch of individuals, we don't have to
sit and watch then all grow up.
    Lastly, I have read a lot of reviews whinging on about the crawl,
costumes and Darth Maul's red face paint. These people are presenting biased
opinions. They were going to hate the film, and went in with a notebook to
note down all the things that they were going to slag off. And the things
they are talking about in their reviews are desperate attempts to do just
that, slag it off. That, is not good reviewing.
    The Phantom Menace is really Act One. Now, we're at the first
intermission. I've just finished my ice cream, packet of crisps, coke, and
have used the toilet. I want to settle down to Act Two. Unfortunately, it
can't be shown yet, as the theatre has to repeat Act One, somebady wasn't
paying attention.

Overall Rating - Four out of Five.

"At last we can reveal ourselves to the Jedi, at last we can have revenge."