

The Phantom Menace (1999) 131m

PART I: ANOTHER BEGINNING

The fourth (or is it first?) STAR WARS movie is finally with us (I resist 
the urge to make any pun along the line of 'May the fourth be with you' as 
it's probably already been - oops; too late). So confident am I regarding 
the critical reaction to this film that this review has been written prior 
to any actual viewing of same. Critics around the world have made up their 
minds about it already, so why shouldn't I jump on the bandwagon too?

I should point out firstly that I am not a STAR WARS fan - never have been, 
although I've seen each episode on the big screen three times - so I'm not 
out to grind any axes. I just see the whole business as an interesting 
chapter in pop culture. It's taken the act of film reviewing out of the 
cinema and turned it into something else - a reaction not to a film but to a 
cultural and economic phenomenon. It's where Art and Commerce mix, in a 
galaxy not too far, far away from your local KFC or Toyworld. This of 
course, is anathema to Serious Filmgoers. Who said that these films were 
supposed to make money, especially lots of money? God forbid, that might 
actually empower producers and directors to make more movies in the series.

I haven't read any reviews for THE PHANTOM MENACE yet, but you can tell I've 
already guessed their tone. Nor have I seen any any Making Ofs, interviews, 
picturebooks, or trailers. If you're not going to listen to the anti-hype 
you don't listen to the hype either. But the little that I have heard 
telegraphs the direction many critics' arguments are sure to have taken. 
THE PHANTOM MENACE is devoid of humanity, quoth they. Its digital world - 
the computer generated sets, locations, and characters - will have them 
lamenting the film's lack of humanity (I guess there's nothing more 
upsetting than a bunch of aliens and robots with no humanity). They will 
also complain about how the latest episode is merely more of the same - 
bigger battles, the same story elements, the same STAR WARS icons, and 
another wall-to-wall John Williams score (although the Bond films have been 
following the same formula for decades and I don't remember anybody ever 
getting worked up about them at any time). They will object on principle: 
that actors should not be replaced by CGI fabrications because human actors 
deserve center stage on our screens, dammit (in that case, goodbye E.T, 
goodbye Pinocchio, Dumbo, the Muppets, HAL 9000, King Kong, everything by 
Ray Harryhausen, Stan Winston, Pixar…just write your own list). The critics 
have been sharpening their claws for months now, I'm sure. George Lucas 
copped a bad year - the pendulum of Fickle Favor has swung against him, just 
the same way it had swung in favor of James Cameron's TITANIC the previous 
year. The irony is that thirty years ago when he made THX-1138 he was 
receiving plaudits for the same 'dehumanization' that he's being taken to 
task for now.

But wait a minute. TITANIC was based on a real event, and THX-1138 had real 
humans. STAR WARS, on the other hand, is all made up.  It never happened.  
It's meaningless. Therefore it is just a gigantic conceit.  Furthermore, by 
purporting to be yet-another-episode in a larger saga it has franchised 
itself, a thought that is sure to get the critical bile rising. The 
universe is expanding, and the STAR WARS universe is no exception. It has 
become so all-pervading that it has replaced a simulacrum of reality with 
its own complete alternative. To which there can be only one argument: 
exactly. What validates THE PHANTOM MENACE's worth as a film (as opposed to 
a 'movie') is that it has used every tool available at its disposal to 
create something that would otherwise exist only in one individual's 
imagination. It *shares a vision*, surely the guiding precept of all 
cinema. I'm looking forward to THE PHANTOM MENACE.  It's going to be every 
comic book I read as a boy and every game I played with plastic action 
figures. Most of which, I might add, were never 'human'.

PART II: THE STORY CONTINUES

I have just seen THE PHANTOM MENACE. In lieu of a second protracted rant I 
offer the following observations:

· It's interesting seeing Jake Lloyd playing the young, tousle-headed 
Annakin Skywalker - it's not until afterwards you remember that the 
cheerful boy hero of this film turns into the villain of the series, 
slaying his mentor, torturing his daughter, and attempting to kill  his 
son. It's in the nature of prequels to be ironic.
· In this installment it is revealed that microorganisms within the   Jedi 
act as a conduit for the Force - maybe the next story could    take us 
into an inner universe as opposed to outer space.
· The Jedi might be wise and powerful but they still can't cure Yoda of 
dyslexia. End every sentence on a verb he does.
· The Trade Federation sound like Samurai and the Gungan speak like 
Jamaicans.
· Conclusion to above point: Lucas has been spending too much time with 
Joseph Campbell.
· Is Lucas trying to fit the phrase 'I've got a bad feeling about this' 
into every episode? This is at least the third film it   appears in.
· Lightsabers are still the coolest weapons in the universe.
· One too many 'oops' in Jake Lloyd's dialogue.
· The twist involving Natalie Portman's character isn't too surprising if 
you can recognize Portman on screen and already know what part she plays.
· The worst line of dialogue is easily the alien sports commentators use 
of that worn-out 90s phrase 'That's gotta hurt'
· Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor make great Jedi Knights.
· The screening was packed with families, reminding us once again that 
STAR WARS is not made for a bunch of stuffed shirts armed with notebooks 
and their own five-star rating system, but for people that like to have a 
good time.
· Lucas and Spielberg are friends, aren't they? How about Spielberg   
directing one of the remaining two installments? The petition  starts 
here.

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