Subject: REVIEW: THE FIFTH ELEMENT (1997)

From: [email-masked] (The Flying Inkpot)
Date: 14 May 1997 00:14:04 GMT

THE FIFTH ELEMENT
                       A film review by  Dr. T. White
                        Copyright 1997 Flying Inkpot

Directed by: Luc Besson
Story by: Luc Besson
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
Cast: Bruce Willis, Milla Jovoich, Gary Oldman, and Ian Holm
Produced by: Columbia Pictures and Gaumont Productions
Running Time: 127 minutes
Rating : ** for narrative coherence, **** for sheer fun

It's hard to watch this film without thinking about the fact that 
it's the most expensive movie ever made. Not because it looks so cool 
(and yes, it does look really cool), but because it's just not worth 
it, and obviously so. Sure, it's a hell of a lot of fun, but then so 
is FARGO at a fraction of the cost of THE FIFTH ELEMENT. For the 
cost of this movie, you could make at least ten really good movies...
maybe even twenty or thirty.

The biggest problem with the movie is that it really doesn't make a lot
of sense. Besson's original story was much longer, maybe three or four
hundred pages, and in the process of cutting it down to affordable (!)
length, it has lost a lot of important information. Without reading
about the movie before seeing it, I would have been completely lost. So
anyway...

THE FIFTH ELEMENT, which takes place in the 23rd century, is about a New
York cabbie, Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis), who just happens to be a
former special forces agent (surprise!). Dallas gets involved in a
scenario in which a "dark force" is consuming all that is good in the
universe and can only be countered by the mysterious "Fifth Element".
And the Fifth Element just happens to be...an incredibly cute, spunky
girl (Milla Jovovich) with hair that looks like orange yarn and nipples
that are highly visible regardless of what she is wearing. Standing in
the way is Zorg (Gary Oldman, with the world's worst accent and
haircut), an evil guy who wants the four stones (oh yeah, forgot to
mention those...they are necessary for the Fifth Element to conquer the
dark force; don't ask, I don't understand it either) in order to give
them to the dark force (why?).

So they all end up on a resort ship in space, along with an offensively
stereotyped black disc jockey named Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker), and all
hell breaks loose as the various characters seek the four stones (hidden
inside a blue opera singer from some other planet) before the dark force
consumes the universe. OK.

So the story make very little sense, but, as I said, it looks really
cool (lots of special effects and explosions), and it is unexpectedly
very funny. Unfortunately, it all seems so familiar. In fact, the film
reminds me very much of Total Recall (not Blade Runner, as Columbia and
Gaumont would have you believe), not just in the special effects but in
its sense of humor as well. Both share a macho main character in a
future world that is confusing to a real, hands-on type of guy who likes
to blow things up and hit people, as well.

This film is important only as an example of what can be done (and the
limits of what can be done) with a hell of a lot of money. It will not
go down in history as a great film, or even as another Star Wars or
Indiana Jones type film (you know, intellectually undemanding but
endearing for largely unexplainable reasons). But everybody's going to
go see it, so go ahead (and you MUST see it on the big screen). You
won't be overly dissapointed, but you won't be all that impressed,
either. Let's just hope that Besson doesn't get so much money for the
production of his next movie; maybe it will make more sense.

THE FLYING INKPOT's RATING SYSTEM:
* Wait for the video.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.

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This movie review was written for THE FLYING INKPOT: 
an arts and entertainment magazine from Singapore. Current
film reviews can be found at: http://www.inkpot.com/film/
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