Subject: Review: Spawn (1997)

From: [email-masked] (Jeff Pidgeon)
Date: 4 Aug 1997 16:58:35 GMT

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

	A review of "Spawn"

	I like comic books, and occasionally that causes problems.  The prob-
lem these days is that the affection leads me to see movies that most people can
see coming for miles.  They hide in concrete bunkers until the danger has pass-
ed, and see films that are more worthwhile.  How can you say that, you say.
There's plenty of movies out there, and there's probably plenty that are an
equivalent theft of two hours.

	All I can say is, well, maybe.

	"Spawn" starts out as a low-grade blend of "Darkman" and "The Crow",
and goes downhill rapidly from that modest goal.  I've rarely seen a movie 
with as much exposition as "Spawn" has, and yet almost NOTHING makes any sense.
"Spawn" seems to be the story of Al Simmonds, some sort of hired gun working 
for some sort of CIA variant.  The group assassinates political enemies of the 
U.S. in elaborate, supposedly covert ways that require a lot of special ef-
fects.  Well, Al being the Caring Family Guy that he is, can't take his job any
more, and wants out.  No way, says group leader Jason (Martin Sheen, sadly),
well, all right -- as long as you do this One Last Job for us.  Well, all
right, says Al, and being the Good Team Member that he is, goes out to blow up
a chemical weapons plant with agent Priest (Mindy Clarke, who is costumed dif-
ferently than everyone else in the film) smirking portenteously in the back-
ground.
	Of course, it's a double cross, and Jason blows up the plant with Al
still in it (though he and Priest are there too, so I don't know how they es-
caped meeting the same fate).  Al dies, and is sent to some place that I still
don't understand -- a set that's clearly been lifted from "Blade Runner" -- 
that isn't Hell, or Earth, either.  Here he meets Count Cogliostro (Nicol Will-
iamson, even more sadly) and The Violator (John Leguizamo), his Hellmates who
attempt to fill us in on why all this is happening.  Seems that the Violator is
playing both Al/now Spawn and Jason for suckers -- he's trying to wipe out ev-
eryone on Earth using greedy Jason's plans for power through his chemical 
weapon devices, and enlist Al/Spawn (using Al's devotion to his wife as lev-
erage) to lead his army of the newly-dead to storm the pearly gates once the
Earth is destroyed.  Of course, the Violator is the right hand man for ol'
Scratch himself, so this is a Conflict of Epic Proportions Between Good and 
Evil.  Spawn is given a CG glop suit that can do lots of cool things, but it's
never clear what the limits of it are, and the Count doesn't even get around to
telling him (or us) about it 'til well past the halfway mark.
        Most of the first half is flashbacks, and that gets redundant fast.
The middle is Spawn coming to terms with his angst, and learning a little about
what's going on -- he has a run-in with Jason and Priest, who despite being set
up a some sort of awesome assassin, is dispatched by Spawn in his first appear-
ance almost immediately.  She doesn't come back as an undead superhero, like 
Al.  She's just dead.  Of course, to say that "Spawn" is target marketed as a
"guy thing" is something of an understatement.  The rest of the film deals with
him rebelling against his manipulators.  If there is a message to "Spawn", it
might be that we all are in control of our destinies, which isn't bad, but the
amount of violence required to present it renders it somewhat ineffective.
The Violator can turn into some sort of monster that intially seems pretty
threatening, but winds up getting dispatched (after much frenetic editing) by
getting its head chopped off.  Well, not really -- it's just sort of killed in
that sequel-promising way.  The Devil is not only incapable of stopping Spawn
from doing anything, it can't even move its mouth to its own dialogue.  Most
of the effects here aren't all that good, but the Devil (ostensibly a potential
effects higlight) is particularly lackluster.  There are a few decent shots in-
volving Spawn's prehensile chains and cape, and some effective wallcrawling 
shots, but the editing weakens even these.  Heck, half the time Spawn isn't ev-
en masked.  The Violator has a few passable lines out of hundreds.  The pro-
duction design is derivative, and Graeme Revell's score goes for moody goth --
some Danny Elfman energy would have been welcome here.  Even the credit sequence
is reminiscent of "Seven".  It's difficult to imagine anyone, even fans of the
comic, enjoying this.  But then, "Heavy Metal" has been inflated to cult sta-
tus, so who knows?  Aggressive aversion recommended.

-- 

	- Jeff "When I'm Finished With You, They'll Be Stumbling Over YOU In The Dark" Pidgeon