Subject: Review: Planet of the Apes (2001)

From: Steve Rhodes <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 23:57:50 -0000

PLANET OF THE APES
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2001 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****):  **

There's a whole lotta gruntin' goin' on as actors in ape suits overact with a
vengeance in Tim Burton's remake of PLANET OF THE APES, his BATTLEFIELD EARTH. 
Both films suffer from poor character development and dopey dialog.  Although
PLANET OF THE APES is much better made -- Burton is a great visual stylist -- if
forced to sit through one of them again, I'd go for BATTLEFIELD EARTH, at least
it was campy fun.  PLANET OF THE APES is dreary and overwrought.

Delivering the film's only credible performance, Mark Wahlberg plays Capt. Leo
Davidson, a human astronaut who accidentally lands on a planet where the apes
are in command and are abusing the humans.  Leo ends up teaming with a blonde
bombshell named Daena (Estella Warren, DRIVEN), who dresses like Sheena, Queen
of the Jungle, and acts like a zombie.  Kris Kristofferson, as Daena's dad,
plays one of the script's many clichéd characters.  Although most of the apes
look and act alike, it is Tim Roth, as General Thade, who is given the key role
of the main villain.  General Thade keeps scheming toward a Hitlerian final
solution for eliminating the humans from the planet.  

The apes run around saying things like, "How many times do I have to tell you to
wear gloves when you handle humans?"  When they're not spouting their ridiculous
lines, they fight like a bunch of wild animals.

In the big battle scenes, Burton finally gets it right.  These are great moments
worthy of a master of the visual.  But most of the movie is one silly scene
after another.  The original was fun, but the remake is dreary, violent and
takes forever to get to the brief last act, the only successful part of the
remake.

The movie does contain one comedic gem.  "Be sure and get rid of them by
puberty," a slave trader admonishes an ape who is in the process of purchasing a
young human child.  "One thing you don't want in your house is a human
teenager."

PLANET OF THE APES runs 1:59.  It is rated PG-13 for some sequences of
action/violence and would be acceptable for kids around 10 or 11 and up,
depending on how well they can handle violent, frightening images.

My son Jeffrey, age 12, gave it ***.  He thought it was awesome, realistic and
funny, but he was bothered by some of the story's logic.

The film opens nationwide in the United States today, Friday, July 27, 2001.  In
the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.

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X-RT-RatingText: 2/4