Subject: REVIEW: MARS ATTACKS! (1996)

From: [email-masked] (Christopher Null)
Date: 11 Dec 1996 17:59:04 GMT

MARS ATTACKS!
                      A film review by Christopher Null
                       Copyright 1996 Christopher Null

     We've already had three movies based on TV shows this year, plus a
film based on a TV commercial, but I think it's a really bad omen when a
film is based on a series of trading cards.

     The film is MARS ATTACKS!, and with it Tim Burton serves up the
worst production of his once-blossoming career, a movie wherein he
indulges every excess of his demented psyche, pays no attention to
entertaining the audience, and recycles every joke he can get his hands
on.

     The joke recycling would be okay, even appropriate, given Burton's
predilection for shtick, if only the jokes were *funny*!  But they're
not.  Nothing much is funny in MARS ATTACKS!, whose mildly amusing "War
of the Worlds" story can best be described as... Mars attacks.

     Burton obviously started this production in the casting -- Jack
Nicholson as the president, Glenn Close as his uppity wife, Annette
Bening as a New Age freak, Pierce Brosnan as a sophisticated science
advisor.  You get the idea.  I guess Burton figured that throwing Tom
Jones (as himself) into the mix would make it all better.

     And maybe it would have, except the performances look like they're
cobbled together from the days off that the cast of some 15 "name"
actors happened to have.  Bits and pieces of what should be on the
editing room floor have somehow made their way into the final print
instead, and in no particular order, either.  Only one running joke
stands out as worthy -- a flirtation between two disembodied heads (I
won't say who).

     I realize that MARS ATTACKS! was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek
homage to the cheesy, old sci-fi flicks (but Tim, you *already* made ED
WOOD), but MARS ATTACKS! isn't even any good as a farce.  The movie just
plain looks bad -- too bad to be taken seriously, but not bad enough to
look bad on purpose.  And Burton's use of ultra-campy stars like Lisa
Marie and Pam Grier?  Puh-leeze.  Where's Richard Roundtree, Tim?

     Got the point yet?  Because I'm tired of writing about this dead
film.  I wonder if we'll ever know what Burton had in mind when he put
together this giant waste of time, but then again, who cares?

RATING:  **

|------------------------------|
 \ ***** Perfection             \
  \ **** Good, memorable film    \
   \ *** Average, hits and misses \
    \ ** Sub-par on many levels    \
     \ * Unquestionably awful       \
      |------------------------------|

-Christopher Null  /  [email-masked]  /  Writer-Producer
-Visit the Movie Emporium at http://www.filmcritic.com
-and Null Set Productions at http://www.filmcritic.com/nullset.htm