

I'm bitter because I was just suckered again. But let me explain: Lost in
Space is actually an interesting concept, by literary and science fiction
standards; the effects were spectacular; William Hurt is an amazing actor
(with a few great sci-fi movies under his belt - see Until the End of the
World); Gary Oldman isn't so shabby either. And then we have Heather
Graham. Did you see Drugstore Cowboy? Hmmm... but we digress.  But as
usual, there's a problem, and his name is Akiva Goldsman. 

To my great amusement, they always put the writer's name in very SMALL
print on posters and trailers. This goes along with the current thinking
in American oviemaking, which is that the writer is really not a very
important part of the process. This, in turn, explains why people like
Akiva Goldsman continue to get work after writing movies like Batman and
Robin. 

Picture Akiva as Doctor Smith. It's a going to be a Fantastic Voyage. 
William Hurt and his sit-com family have to be delivered to an Alien World
to begin the Evacuation of Earth. It's a dangerous mission, but all the
necessary steps to avoid catastrophe have been taken. The Jupiter 2
spaceship is so advanced that it barely needs its rough-riding and crass
pilot (Director Stephen Hopkins)... but then, as if with a soundtrack by
the Beasty Boys, enter the screenwriter: SABOTAGE. 

What's good about this movie? The visual effects team did an amazing,
amazing job. The ship, the robot, the computers, the sets and props were
all at a level of slickness worthy of a much different, beter movie - and
all while being eerily nostalgic of the original TV material. In fact,
with the exception of that shameful Disney refugee of an alien delivered
by the Henson people, the special effects team deserved to have their OWN
movie. Since we're naming names, I have some guesses about who is
responsible for this spurious burst of talent in what would otherwise be a
complete loss: Norman Garwood (Hook, Brazil) and Ray Lovejoy (2001) are
here.  Unfortunately, this time their agents appear to have been asleep at
the wheel. Don't worry guys, it happens to the best of us. 

The movie they ended up with was actually good for about the first thirty
or forty minutes. There are some exciting space fight scenes. The
obligatory plot developments, featuring cameos by the still struggling
ex-cast of the original Lost in Space (i.e. June Lockhart), are tolerable.
There are hints of Time Travel. The suspense actually builds. 

Then we get lost. Lost in the land of bad science and bad cliches. The
actors (looking visibly embarrassed) do a pitiful job of clinging to what
little bits of character they can find in their roles. Mimi Rodgers ends
up having to do a bad impression of Louise Jefferson (you did not go,
girlfriend);  the poor kid from Friends ends up having to ruin what was
otherwise a decent acting job by having to speak his lines; finally we
culminate with a flourish by Mr. Goldsman that is practically Las Vegas
Vaudevillian; an attempt to rip-off both the ending to Star Trek III and
Return of the Jedi <B>at the same time.</B> No, Akiva, not even if James
Kirk and Billy Dee Williams team up is it possible to achieve liftoff by
flying into the ground.  Ahh well, another perfectly good liberal arts
education gone to waste.... 

--
David Wood
[email-masked]