Subject: REVIEW: INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996)

From: [email-masked] (David Roche)
Date: 8 Jul 1996 14:49:43 GMT

INDEPENDENCE DAY
                                [Spoilers]
                       A film review by David Roche
                        Copyright 1996 David Roche

     Why, oh why, do I always believe the hype? Any time that a big big
BIG movie is announced, I get so excited, thinking that this is
gonna be a GREAT one! Oh yes, this is gonna be a classic, dammit!

     I'm almost always wrong.  

     I honestly don't remember the last great movie I've seen.  Hell,
I'll settle for a good one! These days, it seems as though the only
movies that satisfy are the low-budget, no-name flicks.  They have real
characters, genuine plots, and visual beauty un-enhanced by computers.

     Last night, my sweetie and I went to see "Independence Day"...  I
was really excited about it, considering the amount of positive press
it's been getting.  The covers of Time AND Newsweek featured it, so we
both thought it had to be worth all the fuss.

     Boy, were we wrong.

     It wasn't all bad, though.  The first half hour was fairly well
done, although I thought that there were too many "Poseiden
Adventure"-type characters being introduced.  This movie is essentially
an Irwin Allen disaster flic without Shelley Winters, which is, in my
opinion, a good thing.

     Anyhow, once we've gotten to know the series of cliched characters (the 
well-meaning US president who's thought of as a wimp, the drunken vietnam vet 
living in a trailer, the wife of a fighter pilot who just happens to be an 
exotic dancer, and so on and so on...), a bunch/flock/herd/
fleet of alien vessels appear in the skies over most major world cities.

     Then the fun begins.  As the aliens, who turn out to be bad news,
decide to destroy the cities above which they're hovering, we're
treated to some amazing special effects.  And then...  when the
destruction ends, we're left with 90 more minutes to think about what
we just saw. 90 minutes or so of every major movie cliche, all rolled
into one movie.  From mock patriotic speeches, to the death of the
president's wife, to the dog that just BARELY makes it to safety during
the invasion, to...oh, I can't go on...

     If anybody reading this is a fan of bad movie cliches, I'd be
really interested in hearing how many you may have counted.  I'm
guessing there have to be at least 50 of them.  I groaned at the part
where the US president, in the presence of an alien invader, gets a
headache suddenly, and manages to learn exactly what the aliens' plans
are through some kind of telepathy! How damned convenient, hmm?! What a
stroke of luck!

     But my very favorite, and least favorite, moment occurs when the
character played by Jeff Goldblum, decides how to destroy the alien
invaders....

WARNING : Spoiler alert!!!!


     Now LISTEN to this one! Goldblum decides that if the humans could
somehow get aboard the alien spacecraft, they could simply upload a
computer virus in order to take down the aliens' shields...  It's just a
matter of convenience that the humans have a perfectly operational
alien spacecraft and a person willing to fly it into the motheship.  So
Goldblum and Will Smith (who is fun in the movie...best thing about it)
fly into the mothership, at which Goldblum presses a key and uploads the
virus to the alien's main computer (I guess even aliens use
IBM-compatibles...or maybe he just transferred some kind of flu
virus...that'd make more sense.).  To assume that the audience for a
modern sci-fi picture would be dumb enough to accept such a banal plot
device is insulting to me! Even IF these aliens used what we call
"computers", isn't it ridiculous to think that someone could press one
key and access them immediately? Especially considering they must use a
different language, different materials, different everything.  And
besides, even if I were to accept such ridiculous BS, don't you think an
advanced civilization which has mastered spaceflight to such an
extent, would have a damn program installed to ward off computer
viruses!! My old piece of junk Amiga computer even had a virus
checker!!!!

     I give up.  This is obviously not a review, you're thinking.
You're right.  It's an appeal to film makers to please make movies
which challenge our intelligence.  And it's an appeal to film-goers to
avoid such mindless drivel, or at least to tell others what you thought
of it.

     If ANYONE out there feels as I do about this film, please write
me...  I'm so pissed, I'm considering starting a USENET group devoted
to ranting about bad movies...

GRRRR!!!   :)

Oh, by the way, out of 5 virii, I give this movie a rating of 1 virus.

Thanks
David Roche

[email-masked]