Subject: REVIEW: BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997)

From: [email-masked] (Terri Buchman)
Date: 23 Jun 1997 17:12:16 GMT

BATMAN AND ROBIN
                       A film review by Terri Buchman
                        Copyright 1997 Terri Buchman

BATMAN AND ROBIN: ahm, well, that was something.  I'm not quite sure what,
but that was something.  I'm not sorry that I went, but I'm not sure I'd go
again.  It had terrible, horrible, teeth-grindingly bad dialogue that made
me want to slap not only the credited screenwriter, Akiva Goldsman, but
every Elementary school teacher who ever told him he could write.  (What
could they have been thinking?)  On the other hand, there were some solidly
gorgeous visuals in the flick, the costuming was a hoot and Uma Thurman
ain't half bad as Poison Ivy. So, I'd say flip a coin.  Heads, the visuals
win and you get to spend two+ hours in air conditioning.  Tails, the dopey
plot is just too difficult to take.

This is one loud damn picture.  (Which is actually sort of a mixed
blessing, since some of the idiotic dialogue is acutally drowned out.  Just
thank the Divine for small miracles and pass the popcorn.)  I'm not exactly
sure of the specific plot sequence, but it doesn't really matter.  Batman
and Robin get another couple of psychotic bad guys to fight, one armor-clad
uber-male and one barely clad uber-female.  The Caped Crusader has also
been very busy in the old Bat-metalshop and has come up with a host of new
bat toys that I almost actually saw.  (It was a somewhat dimly lit picture.
Why Warner Bros would spend mega-bucks developing all these cool toys and
then forget to light the set so that the audiience can acutally see them is
beyond me, but there it is.)

Let's see, what else do I remember.?  (It was that kind of a picture.  You
have trouble recalling what the heck was in it ten minutes after you leave
the theater.)   Well, Chris O'Donnell was in it.  This was actually a
highlight of the movie for me, since my 12 year old daughter has a huge
crush on Mr. O'Donnell and sighed heavily every time he came on screen.
(You haven't lived until you've been to an action picture with a love-sick
preteen.  I knew parenthood would be tough, but I never thought I would
have to warn my daughter about getting involved with guys who have obvious
rubber fetishes.  On the other hand, it made the picture more interesting.)

I really, really like George Clooney.  He has a nice screen presence.
Unfortunately (And it kills me to say this, because I really like Mr.
Clooney) his Batman is not really very good.  (No wonder my daughter has a
crush on Mr. O'Donnell instead of Mr. Clooney.  Mr. O'Donnell has a pulse
and his Robin is a bit of a rebel.  He's very cute.  Mr. Clooney's Batman
acts like the dorm mother in a large frat house.  "No, you can't get your
own car until you've proved you can handle it.  No I will not loan you
money.  You have lousy taste in women.  Would you stop whining all the time
and act your age."  Geez, if I were Robin I'd leave Wayne Manor and set up
shop somewhere else.  Batman is getting a little stodgy and difficult to be
around.

Alicia Silverstone plays Batgirl.  Yawn.

Okay, everybody loves the Bat-Villains.  (Well, sorta.  I loved Catwoman in
the second Bat movie, but I hated the Penguin.  I loved Nicholson's Joker
and Carrey's Riddler.  I tolerated Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face.  That's not a
bad villain track-record.)  Ahnold is ahm, well Ahnold.  This poor, poor
man is saddled with some of the worst puns and lamest, dumbest dialogue
I've ever heard.  (See .sig below.  I've seen a lot of dumb dialogue and I
am, generally speaking, a forgiving woman, but even I have a limit.)  It's
as though someone took all the dalogue from past Ahnold movies and put them
in a Cuisinart and then gave him the finished product.  The character's
costume is fun (RoboCop Lite) and Ahnold certainly seems to be having fun
with the part.  But the character doesn't really take off and start doing
this joyful dance of psychotic rebellion that the best Bat-Villains do.
The character is weighted down by an indecisive plot that can't decide
whether Mr. Freez is a deluded and sad character or a silly upbeat
homicidal freak.  I still can't figure it out.  (Geez, they stole the
characterization from one of the best episodes of 'Batman: The Animated
Series.'  The least they could have done was run with it.  Victor Freez,
sad and pathetic character who was, in a way, a victim of love.)  Ahnold
ain't a victim of anything and his Mr. Freez is an anti-climax.

Uma Thurman is wonderful as Poison Ivy.  Batman has a long tradition of
infatuation with the wrong woman and Ivy is a truly messed-up Bat-Babe.
Thurman is lively and beautiful and graceful and underclad as the luscious
and vengeful Poison Ivy.  She is the highlight of the movie.  (Well, I also
have a soft spot for Michael Gough who has been Alfred the Butler through
all 4 installments of this series.  He has surely endured a lot.)  Ms.
Thurman's performance isn't as rich as Michele Pfeiffer's was in BATMAN
RETURNS, but she is a strong and funny character and is almost worth the
price of admission.

Gotham City is wonderfully, breathtakingly brought to life.  (Damn.
Writing this makes me think of that line of dialogue from BULL DURHAM.  To
paraphrase:  This picture has a multi-million dollar art design, but a ten
cent brain.  Too bad.)  Particular highlights include shots of all those
wacky giant sculptures and a gorgeous and fully imagined shot of Arkham
Asylum.  (Could someone please tell MR. Schumacher that in the next picture
we would like to see some of the stunning visuals put to good use.  Hey,
maybe we could break a few wackos out of Arkham, let them use their brains
and give Bats a real challenge.  That might be fun.)

Anyway, I can neither recommend nor discourage anyone from going to see
BATMAN & ROBIN.  It depends on how you like your action flicks.  If you
like bright, loud, splashy popcorn movies and don't mind bad dialgoue and
extremely fuzzy plotting, then go, have fun.  (Hey, if you happen to like
lots of shots of black-rubber clad toushies, then this is the picture for
you.)  If you want movies to make sense and you want a picture that slows
down for five minutes so that you can actually find out what the heck is
going on, then pick something else.

terrib

I really liked some of it.  Honest-to-gawd.  But then again, I really,
really hated parts of it.  Go figure.