Subject: REVIEW: BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997)

From: [email-masked] (Ted Prigge)
Date: 24 Jun 1997 15:04:26 GMT

BATMAN AND ROBIN
                       A film review by Ted Prigge
                        Copyright 1997 Ted Prigge

Director: Joel Schumacher
Writer: Akvia Goldsman
Starring: George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma 
Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Elle MacPherson, 
John Glover, Vivica Fox, Coolio

The last line (or near to that honor) is the great butler, Alfred (the 
ubergod, Michael Gough) saying, "I think we need a bigger bat cave," or 
something to that note.  That's exactly what this film is - too big for 
its own good because it has too damn much.  Cut Batgirl out.  Cut one of 
the villains.  It's too much to handle in one dosage.  It's so much that 
characters get left behind.  Poor Elle gets a mere 3 scenes and a 
subplot which is introduced but never finished in any way, shape or 
form.  And Elle deserves better.

This is the fourth in the gigantic film series and the second from 
director Joel Schumacher.  It's also the fourth worst in the series (and 
second worst from Joel).  The series has been declining since its 
stunning debut, followed by the almost-as-stunning sequel and then the 
anti-climactic third one (first by Joel).  This one's not anti-climactic 
- I knew it was gonna suck.  It's up to Joel to make it fun though.  
"Batman Forever" was fun.  This is a big bore of over-produced action 
sequences and shallow characters.  I mean, this one bit.

I'm gonna put all the plot in one paragraph: Mr. Freeze (Ah-nold), who's 
wife was dying of some disease, has become the new big villain these 
days.  He's a huge ex-scientist who fell into some weird liquid (Hello? 
 Joker?) and now has a body temperature of a big fat zero and has a blue 
body.  Batman (George) and Robin (Chris) fight him a bit but find 
they're growing apart.  Meanwhile, another villain shows up, Poison Ivy 
(UMA!), who was a dorky scientist chick working on flowers in South 
America with a twistet scientist (John Glover) who kills her when she 
finds out he's used her research to develop an uberman, Bane, who is 
basically a man pumped with chemicals which probably killed any 
personality he ever had.  She emerges from her chemicals (don't ask 
'cause I can't tell ya) as a sexy woman (the real Uma) who's poison when 
or if you kiss her and has some aphrodiasiatic scent she blows at 
people.  She starts to tear away at the dynamic duo.  Meanwhile, 
Alfred's dying of the same disease Mr. Freeze's wife has (but in an 
earlier state than she), and his niece, Barbara (Alicia), comes all the 
way from Oxford without an English accent to get him away from the 
butler trade, but soon (well, not really soon, it takes her 2 hours) 
becomes Batgirl.  MEANWHILE, in an unfinished subplot, Bruce (Batman's 
alter-ego, if you forgot) has been dating the lovely Julie Madison (the 
even lovlier Elle MacPherson) who wants a commitment after a year but he 
says nothing.  End of her for all we know.  Mr. Freeze ultimately teams 
with Poison Ivy and they want to freeze the world and then take it over 
growing new plants as their population (Don't ask!!!).  The trio must 
team together "as family" to beat them.

There ya go.  Not the whole story but no big context clues.  Too much, 
right?  Right!  The films seems patched together of nice little ideas 
which would have made for a couple good sequels.  However, while Tim 
Burton nicely balanced the villain/Batman storyline (although not 
wonderfully), Joel seems to do almost nothing with Batman in this one.  
He gets some corny speeches, a couple clever lines and that's it.  Maybe 
some stunts.  For all this, I can't even comment on George Clooney as 
Batman - I hardly saw the guy!  And when I did, he had horrible dialogue 
to say.  I think Michael Keaton is the quintessential Batman but Val 
Kilmer was too robotic and fake as Batman in the last episode.  George 
is in between them.  He's not quintessential, he's not horrible, he's 
good.  But I'm sure next time when they decide to renovate the series 
since they'll be critically murdered for this sorry effort, we'll get a 
good script and Clooney will shine (if he still has the job).

The villains are the only interesting part of the series according to 
Schumacher.  Last time, we had the brawn of Two Face as played by Tommy 
Lee Jones and the brains/comedy supplied by the Riddler as realized by 
Jim Carrey.  This time we have a somewhat sympathetic and somewhat 
hatable villain (the same guy), Mr. Freeze.  We feel bad for his 
mental/physical collapse but does he really need to kill everyone for 
plants?  Arnold isn't very good - too hokey but kinda sympathetic at 
some points.  When he watches old movies of his wife, he actually looks 
somber.  Wow.

But Uma makes the most of her seductive character, getting the right 
point between hamminess and seductiveness.  It's like she's almost 
parodying herself in "Pulp Fiction" at points.  She's incredibly hot and 
makes the movie pretty much a star better.

As for the lower Bat-people, Chris is the same as he was in "Batman 
Forever," although I think his work in these is too hokey when he's best 
at quieter parts in "Scent of a Woman" or just plain cool parts in 
"Fried Green Tomotoes."  Alicia - I love the girl but she's not 
particularly good in this film.  She can hypotheitically act, we all saw 
that in "Clueless," but her lines kinda sound weird.  And it isn't the 
mushy-mouth this time.  But in all fairness, she has virtually no part. 
 Joel gets around to her occasionally and when she's on, she does stupid 
stuff...although I know I'm not the only one who loved the catfight 
between her and Uma...

And poor Elle.  Poor, poor Elle.  I love that woman and she can also 
hypothetically act (for those of us who saw "Sirens").  But she has no 
part!!!  It seems like Joel had so much footage that he had to edit 
almost an hour out of the final product.  There are no "couch" scenes 
(like my best friend noticed).  Now listen to me on this one - in every 
"Batman" flick, there's a couch scene.  In the original, it was with 
Vicki.  In "Returns," it was a good make-out scene with Selena.  And in 
the last one, it was a chat with Nicole.  This one, it's nothing.  And 
Batgirl does next-to-nothing in this film till the end when she's 
suddenly "part of the family."

Fortunately, we get a lot of Alfred.  He's the always reliable butler, 
in case you didn't know, who has been with Bruce all his life.  He's a 
god.  He's a father figure.  He's also dying.  This got to me.  I love 
Alfred almost as much as Bruce and to see him in a robe, not in his tux, 
and freaking dying just gets to me.  We also get the idea that he might 
have been unhappy the whole time...but this is never answered, as this 
film is too cluttered.

But in defense, it does have some good parts, other than Uma.  For one, 
George IS a good Batman but unfortunately gets nothing to do.  And there 
are some nice touches.  When they show the asylum at one point, they 
show the patient's belongings in a room and we see the Riddler's 
costume.  I laughed.  And during a biker scene (involving Robin and 
Batgirl - another subplot never handled past initiation period), we not 
only see Coolio but a bunch of bad-asses dressed as "droogs" from "A 
Clockwork Orange."  I laughed at all these.

The film falls apart around the five-minute mark during an enormously 
long action sequence which must last around 20 minutes...or did it just 
feel like that?  The film should serve as another in the long-line of 
films which demonstrate that we need more intelligent films nowadays.  
People are fed up with stupid films.  That's why the word of mouth 
killed "The Lost World!"  That's why last year, indy films grossed more 
than ever.  That's why this will have a strong box-office initative from 
people who just want to see it, like me, but will die after a week or 
two when the word around the grapevine kills it.  That's why the next 
two big-budget aciton pics are John Woo's "Face/Off" and Barry 
Sonnenfeld's "Men in Black," both which are the first two to catch on to 
the wave early on.

I like Joel Schumacher more as a person than an artiste.  I like some of 
his films ("Flatliners," "A Time to Kill") but a lot of them suck.  He's 
a really eccentric person and I loved one of his quotes about how he 
admits to being a mediocre director and that's what makes him great.  
But his costuming for Woody Allen's "Sleeper" was more interesting than 
this one (and his costuming WAS cool - look for the nazi number).

I love the "Batman" series.  The first two rocked and I did like the 
last one.  But this one is not going to be one that I watch repeatedly 
like the other three.  Hopefully, this will also serve as a springboard 
to a better Batman next time.  And maybe they'll get smart and bring 
back Catwoman.  And Michael Keaton.  But we can only hope.

MY RATING (out of 5): **