From rec.arts.sf.reviews Tue May 14 16:54:23 1996
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From: berardin@bc.cybernex.net (James Berardinelli)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEW: BARB WIRE (1996)
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BARB WIRE
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1996 James Berardinelli
RATING (0 TO 10): 2.0
Alternative Scale: * out of ****
United States, 1996
U.S. Release Date: 5/3/96 (wide)
Running Length: 1:35
MPAA Classification: R (Violence, profanity, nudity)
Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Cast: Pamela Anderson Lee, Temura Morrison, Victoria Rowell,
Jack Noseworthy, Xander Berkeley, Udo Kier
Director: David Hogan
Producers: Brad Wyman, Mike Richardson, and Todd Moyer
Screenplay: Chuck Pfarrer and Ilene Chaiken
Cinematography: Rick Bota
Music: Michael Colombier
U.S. Distributor: Gramercy Pictures
BARB WIRE has the cleavage of a Russ Meyer film without the jiggle.
If someone was going to make a campy version of CASABLANCA, you'd think
they'd at least have the decency to make it fun. Unfortunately, other
than a couple of very obvious, absurdly over-the-top scenes, this film
is just plain boring. Aside from observing Pamela Anderson Lee's
apparent assets, the only reason to stay awake during BARB WIRE is to
see how often it pilfers from the Bogart/Bergman classic.
The characters and setting may be based on the Dark Horse comic
book, but the plot is pure cyberpunk CASABLANCA. It's 2017 (the worst
year in the main character's life, as we're informed in a whispery
voice-over), and the country is involved in the Second American Civil
War. There's only one free city left, Port Steel Harbor, and that's
where Barb Wire (the "Rick" part, played by Pamela Anderson Lee) owns
and operates the Hammerhead bar. She's a declared neutral in an
unaligned territory, accepting patronage from both the Nazi-like
Congressional forces and the rebels trying to bring them down.
One day, a defecting government scientist in possession of critical
resistance intelligence, Dr. Karina Devonshire (the "Victor Laszlo"
part, played by Victoria Rowell), arrives at the Hammerhead in the
company of a resistance fighter, Axel (the "Ilsa" part, played by ONCE
WERE WARRIORS' Temura Morrison). They need a way across the border into
Canada, and think Barb may be able to help. But there's a problem --
she and Axel were once lovers, and she's never forgiven him for
abandoning her in Seattle.
Most of the CASABLANCA characters are present (although half have
undergone sex changes), and the story progresses in generally the same
way (with a few fight scenes thrown in so that the leading lady can show
off her athleticism, amongst other things). It's curious that no one
thought to credit CASABLANCA script writers Julius J. Epstein, Philip G.
Epstein, and Howard Koch for at least "inspiring" the film. Then again,
for the sake of their reputations, maybe it's better this way.
Despite being outfitted in leather and spike heels, Anderson Lee
doesn't make for an appealing action star -- the silicon enhancements
might have screen presence, but the star doesn't. Okay, so she looks
good on a motorcycle, but that's about it. Her delivery of the
requisite quips is awful, and her signature line ("Don't call me babe!")
reminds one more of Kevin Kline's A FISH CALLED WANDA refrain ("Don't
call me stupid!") than anything Clint or Arnold might ever have uttered.
The film makers undoubtedly recognized that they were making a bad
film. Why else cast such an obviously-untalented actress in the lead
role? What they seemed to be banking on is that BARB WIRE would at
least be fun, which it isn't. The element of high camp that makes for
enjoyable "good trash" isn't present. Bad movies like this often
generate small cult followings, and that's about the size of audience
the picture deserves. This BARB WIRE is rusty.
- James Berardinelli
e-mail: berardin@bc.cybernex.net
web: http://www.cybernex.net/~berardin
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Tue May 14 16:55:35 1996
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From: legeros@nando.net (Michael J. Legeros)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEW: BARB WIRE (1996)
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BARB WIRE
A film review by Michael John Legeros
Copyright 1996 Michael John Legeros
We'll Always Have BARB WIRE
(Gramercy)
Directed by David Hogan
Written by Chuck Pfarrer and Ilene Chaiken
Cast Pamela Anderson Lee, Temuera Morrison, Victoria Rowell ,
Steve Railsback, Jack Noseworthy, Xander Berkeley, Udo
Kier
MPAA Rating "R" (presumably language, violence, and brief nudity)
Running Time 95 minutes
Reviewed at Six Forks Station Cinemas, Raleigh, NC (6MAY96)
==
It's not every day that we get to see a reworking of CASABLANCA,
much less one that (a.) is adapted from a comic book and (b.) stars
Pamela Anderson Lee. Ms. Lee, a.k.a. "the Baywatch babe," a.k.a.
"you're looking rather buoyant this evening," plays the title character,
a bounty-hunting bar owner who lives in a (near) future where civil war
is being waged between the Nazi-looking Congressionals and the
underground Resistance. They all come to Barb's place, though, because
she doesn't take sides. That is, until a former lover-- and Resistance
alley-- steps out of the past and into her bar. Sound familiar?
There's more, of course, including a fat man who rides in a bucket
loader, a pair of contact lenses that fool retina scans, and, oh yeah, a
rocket-firing motorcycle. (Trust me: it sounds more exciting than it
is.) BARB WIRE has a great "look," but director David Hogan doesn't
deliver a decent action sequence until the end. And don't expect any
Bogarts or Bergmans, either; most of the cast appears to have been hired
for "assets" other than their acting abilities. (Calm down guys, this
stuff doesn't even qualify as *soft*-core porn. Just cleavage cleavage
cleavage and only the *occasional* peek behind curtains number one and
two.) No, there isn't much to this movie beyond the, uh, obvious, but if
you love CASABLANCA, and you can stomach Pamela Lee's hissed-through-
clinched-teeth line readings, then this may be the matinee for you.
Grade: D+
--
Mike Legeros - Raleigh, NC
legeros@nando.net (h) - legeros@unx.sas.com (w)
Visit me in MOVIE HELL
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon May 20 17:44:34 1996
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From: shenry@umr.edu (Shane Henry)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEWS: COOL AS ICE (1996) vs. BARB WIRE 91996)
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COOL AS ICE vs. BARB WIRE
A film review by Shane Henry
Copyright 1996 Shane Henry
Movie Review comparing Cool As Ice against Barb Wire
By Banana-Kin, Z-Grade Movie Critic
Statistics:
Cool As Ice Barb Wire
Stars: Vanilla Ice Pamela Anderson Lee
Michael Gross (Family Ties) Pam's "Two Friends"
1991 1996
Review (Cool As Ice was rented from Formum Video in Rolla) :
Starring as "Johnny", (Starring being the operative word) Vanilla
Ice demonstrates his (lack of) acting ability. Mr. Ice roles into town
as a member of a rap band when one of his band members motorcycles
breaks down. While the band waits on the repairs, Vanilla meets a high
school girl. Worlds collide as her 4.0 life meets resistance with
Vanilla's strong, free, dashing style. As the typical storyline would go
(not too original, but for Mr. Ice it probabally is), her father (Michael
Gross; Family Ties) forbids Kathy to see Johnny. Her father associtates
Johnny with some crooked cops that he informed on some twenty years
eariler that are now out for revenge.
Vanilla Ice delicately mixes charm with rap music and motorcycles,
and even finds a use for his musical abilities (puke). Vanilla's entire
acting career can be summed up in his most defining line: You don't
know me.
You don't know me AT ALL.
Star rating: (0 stars-poor *****-excellent)
*/2 (One-Half Star)
Review (Barb Wire currrently playing at the Uptown theater in Rolla) :
Pamela Lee (Pamela Anderson: Baywatch) sets acting back 2,000
years as she "stars" as Barb Wire, a mercinary with a set of incredible
upper kinetic energies (She is Gravitationally ImPAIRED Pardon the PUN).
Set in the future of the "Second American Civil War", Ms. Wire carves out
a meger existance as a bar owner in the last free city in America.
Audiences, predominately male, will enjoy being able to hear Ms. Wire's
thought process as Pamela Lee narates partions of the movie. The movie
centers around the new government as it crushes the resistance, and Ms. Wire
is the contact for both sides. People are traced through Retinal Scans...
where the retina is scanned and recorded similar to fingerprinting.
(Why not just use fingerprints?)
Romance meets with guns and grenades as Ms. Wire recounts her love
with past freedom fighters and looks great in camoflauge.
This is definitely a T&A movie. The only saving grace for this
movie was that I saw it for free. Laughs are frequent for the audience
with a critical eye. As unrealistic as her silicon breasts, the movie
was complete waste of my time. DEFINITELY do not see this with your
wife, girlfriend or date.
Star Rating : (0 stars-poor *****-excellent)
*/4 (one quarter star)
Hey, she is pretty hot!
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon May 27 01:04:59 1996
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From: noraruth@aol.com (Andrew Hicks)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEW: BARB WIRE (1996)
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BARB WIRE
A film review by Andrew Hicks
Copyright 1996 Andrew Hicks / Fatboy Productions
* (out of four)
Actually, I'm fairly sure the experience of having my flesh
torn and mutilated by barbed wire would have been more positive than
watching this movie. "Baywatch" babe Pamela Anderson Lee proves
once and for all that she should keep her Double-D's on the small
screen. At least there you don't have to pay to see her cleavage.
And for those viewers out there who would only lay down money
for this movie in hopes of seeing Pam topless, hate to burst your
bubble, but there are no full-fledged nude scenes in BARB WIRE.
You wouldn't be reading this review right now if I had known
that fact going in. I can't go back in time and reverse my mistake, but I
can warn other horny teenage boys out there. They do tease us a
few times with scenes where you almost see her topless but if she
is nude, it's so quick you can't even tell for sure whether you're
seeing her Andersons or not. A nipple hallucination sort of
thing.
BARB WIRE was adapted from a comic book, interesting
because Pamela is probably the only woman who looks like a comic
book character in real life, even wearing low-cut leather to do office
work (businesswoman bondage wear) and having unreal body
proportions. Yes, like the Mona Lisa, Pamela Anderson is a
man-made beauty, probably in more senses than one.
She is a definite beauty, though, and looking at her is never
an unpleasant experience. You'd just think the woman who began her
career as a Playboy playmate wouldn't have any reservations about
appearing nude in the movie, because it's obvious she wasn't pulling
a Sharon Stone and trying to make people pay attention to her acting
skills. I mean, she shows off more cleavage here than a jeweler's
convention.
The movie is set in the year 2017, "the worst year of my
life," Pam says. ("The worst movie of the year," I say.) America is
going through a second Civil War and Pamela is a nightclub owner
in the only free city in the nation (Silicone Valley, I think). She also
hires herself out as a bounty hunter when the price is right, posing
as first a stripper and later as a prostitute.
But don't call her "babe." She hates that, and reminds us of
that fact way too many times. Imagine, a woman who does a trapeze
strip tease in a bar while having a hose sprayed on her being referred
to in such a sexist, demeaning term. A liberated woman like Pamela
Anderson shouldn't have to hear words like "babe" during a strip
tease, especially since that movie about the talking pig was such a
success.
The plot (ha-ha) revolves around a pair of contact lenses
that allow their wearer to pass through the Congressional Directorate's
retina scanners. In the words of one of the characters, they're "more
than meets the eye." Reminds me of the "Transformers" cartoon,
and I sure wished the movie could somehow be transformed into
something decent, but that never happened. No, the movie just
continued on its path of lame action scenes starring Pamela
Van-Damme, big-busted kickboxer, and her resistance accomplices,
ex-boyfriend Axel (Tamuera Morrison) and Cora (Victoria Rowell).
Thank God they didn't name her Cora Reef. One bad character
name is more than enough.
Pamela originally doesn't take sides, giving some speech
about she's only loyal to the money they pay her, but she changes
her mind once the Congressional Bastards kill her blind brother, Jack
Noseworthy of Bon Jovi "Always" video fame. I still don't know if
BARB WIRE is a step up or step down for Noseworthy, but he
definitely is nose worthy (even if he isn't sponge worthy). Pam gets
ready to avenge his death by grabbing up an armful of semi-automatic
weapons and strapping an ammunitions belt to her chest. It's not
Rambo... it's Bimbo!
Mark my words, BARB WIRE will be all over the Cinemax
network in a year. It's got all the elements of the direct-to-video
releases featured on HBO's bastard cousin, the cable channel I'd
never watch if it didn't somehow come free. It's got the non-titillating
scenes of voyeurism, laughable flashbacks, bad dialogue and action
cliches out the wazzoo. There's even a narrator at the beginning
setting up the movie's premise while the words scroll up the screen.
Someone needs to tell Pamela the Wookie this ain't STAR WARS.
If you've seen any action flick of the past fifteen years,
you'll recognize plenty of lifted elements. BARB WIRE has the
obligatory trucks flipping over, car crashes, explosions, broken
glass and slow-motion shots of bodies falling hundreds of feet to
their death. This is one of those automatic-pilot movies anyone
could write or direct. BARB WIRE has only two things going for it...
and I think you know what those two things are.
--
Visit the Movie Critic at LARGE website at
http://www.missouri.edu/~c667778/movies.html
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 4 13:22:51 1996
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From: dmedia@po.pacific.net.sg (Kelvin Ha)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEW: BARB WIRE (1996)
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BARB WIRE
A film review by Kelvin Ha
Copyright 1996 Kelvin Ha
Directed by: David Hogan
Produced by: Dark Horse Entertainment.
Cast: Pamela Anderson Lee (Barb Wire), Udo Kier (Axel)
Length: 97 minutes
Rating: * out of *****
BARF WIRE
BARB WIRE, Pamela Anderson Lee's first foray into films,
highlights the fact that her only talent lies in her silicone enhanced
assets. Being the only notable member of the cast, the camera lingers
lustily o n her body at every opportunity, making her character's
catch line, "don't call me babe," sound very ironic indeed. From the
very opening of the movie, we are treated to a striptease routine from
Anderson, ending in her hurling her stiletto smack between the eyes of
a lusty male who happened to call her babe. Throughout the movie,
there is ample footage of enormous breasts and cleavage, if not of
Anderson's, then at least of the female extras. This alone is enough
to retitle the movie BABE WIRE.
For a plot, BARB WIRE rehashes the CASABLANCA storyline. It is 2017,
the middle of the second American Civil War, and Barb Wire, a former
resistance fighter, runs a joint in Steel Harbour called Hammerhead
(!!). Known for attracting resistance fighters an d characters of all
sorts, the bar attracts the attention of the government forces who
appear dressed in Nazi-style uniforms. In between bashing up helpless
males and showing off her trademark breasts, Barb Wire has to help a
former lover and his wife get to the airport on the other side of the
town, past the government-controlled areas, and to freedom. Even the
airport looks like the one in CASABLANCA, except that the plane in the
background is a modern, private jet.
There are hardly any significant moments in this film, and one gets
the impression that it was designed for young teenagers familiar with
the Dark Horse comics version of "Barb Wire." If anything, one leaves
the film with the confirmation that Anderson di d not do her own
stunts. Who could fight and jump in a skimpy, strapless leather top,
and yet keep her breasts from spilling out? Only a stuntwoman. Not
Pamela Anderson Lee.
REVIEW's rating system:
* Wait for the video.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.
_____________________________________________________________________
Copyright REVIEW. This review was written for REVIEW
, an online, fortnightly
Singaporean rag curiously known to insiders as Giddiness Clinic. Visit us
for a free consultation on that ringing noise in your penguin's ear.
______________________________________________________________________
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Sat Jun 7 22:32:25 1997
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From: agapow@latcs1.cs.latrobe.edu.au (Paul-Michael Agapow)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: REVIEW: BARB WIRE (1996)
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BARB WIRE
A film review by Paul-Michael Agapow
Copyright 1997 Paul-Michael Agapow
An adaptation of the comic of the same name: It is the 2nd
American Civil War, with the rebels fighting the brutal
Congressionalists. In the neutral city of Steel Harbour is a
club run by the mercenary Barb Wire (Anderson). To the city come
the rebels Axel Hood (Morrison) and Cora D (Rowell), who need to
escape to neutral Canada, the Congressionalists hard on their
heels. But Axel and Barb have a history together ...
... and where better to find a way out of the country than at
Rick's Cafe Americaine, where anything can be bought or sold,
even the corrupt Inspector Renault? Yes, it's "Casablanca" but
this remake was aided by modern technology and a few search and
replace expressions:
s/Casablanca/Steel Harbour/;
s/Rick Blaine/Barb Wire/;
s/Ilsa Lunt/Axel Hood/;
s/Victor Lazlo/Dr Cora D/;
s/the fat man/the fat man/;
s/papers of transit/retinal lens/;
s/the train from Paris/the helicopter from Seattle/;
s/"As Time Goes By"/generic thrash/;
s/piano-playing black sidekick/butler-like German sidekick/;
s/Nazis/Congressionalists/;
s/cult classic/nork fest/;
There are differences, such as the regrettable absence of
Ugarte. (Was Pee-Wee Herman busy that week?) Also regrettable
is the fact that Morrison affects an American accent instead of
his native New Zealand-ish: "Bub Ware! You've gut to hulp us!".
Cora D is no Victor Lazlo, so it comes as no surprise that
Axel/Ilsa is helping her not for any leadership skills but for an
antidote she has coded in her DNA (an apparent side-effect being
atrophy of the charisma gland). Steve Railsback, once a
promising actor, demonstrates his career has gone straight to
hell with his portrayal of the frothing Colonel Pryzer. Quick
trivia: the bouncer at Barb's club is played by Tom "Tiny" Lister
Jr., who is also the President in "The Fifth Element".
The big surprise is everyone's favourite silicon based
lifeform, Pamela Anderson. A walking cartoon character herself,
she shows a reasonable skill and style as an action star which is
used to effect in the first half of the film. A four-colour
nightmare in leather and high-heels, her targets die as much from
her bullets and kicks as they do from amazement at the tensile
properties of modern fabrics. Regrettably as the "Casablanca"
theme emerges, the energy starts to slowly leave the film. An
even bigger blunder is the replacement of the end of "Casablanca"
with a generic action sequence, with Barb roaring offscreen on
her motorcycle as Axel goes mano a mano with the
Congressionalists. (Picture Rick Blaine saying: "Ilsa, here's a
gun. Go and pop some Nazis. I'm just going to check down the
back of the club ...")
>From a modestly promising start, "Barb Wire" heads slowly off
course and into blandness. Nonetheless it might make acceptable
if undemanding video fodder, and Anderson's next film may prove
interesting. [*/misfire] and lime green as a fashion statement
on the Sid and Nancy scale.
"Barb Wire"
Starring Pamela Anderson, Temuera Morrison, Victoria Rowell, Udo Kier,
Steve Railsback.
Released 1996.
------
paul-michael agapow (agapow@latcs1.oz.au), La Trobe Uni, Infocalypse
[archived at http://www.cs.latrobe.edu.au/~agapow/Postviews/]
From /home/matoh/tmp/sf-rev Fri Aug 22 16:41:24 1997
From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 18 15:22:53 1997
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From: Tim Voon
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews
Subject: Review: Barb Wire (1996)
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Date: 14 Jul 1997 22:59:48 GMT
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BARB WIRE 1996
A film review by Timothy Voon
Copyright 1997 Timothy Voon
Cast: Pamela Anderson Lee, Temura Morrison, Victoria Rowell, Jack
Noseworthy, Xander Berkeley, Udo Kier Director: David Hogan Screenplay:
Chuck Pfarrer and Ilene Chaiken
She leaves a trail of dead men behind her. Hates to be called ‘babe’,
which results in violent mood swings, more often than not resulting in
the male offender’s untimely death. She struts, and stalks her prey with
the style of a night club stripper, and calls herself ‘Barb Wire’ to
give her gimmick an edge.
The year is 2020 and we are in the midst of the second American Civil
War (Is there anything left to fight about?) A new breed of hero has
evolved - an ex-marine, very pre-pre-pre menstrual, angry woman, dumped
by her boyfriend, who has a lot on her mind, and a lot to prove to the
world (Hey, I thought that was G.I. Joe’s set-up?).
What Ms. Barb Wire (Anderson Lee) needs to understand is that less
flesh, means more mystery; silicon belongs in computer chips, and not
part of the mammary glands; too much leather constitutes a sofa, not
clothing; a name like ‘Barb Wire’ rusts easily, and belongs on the metal
scrap pile; and no, there won’t be a long line of future sequels.
This ‘babe’, (ooops, please don’t shoot me) is history.
Comment: Bring back Barbarella.
Timothy Voon
e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au