From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Jul 10 12:27:20 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!newshub.northeast.verio.net!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: cjc@interport.net (Cheng-Jih Chen) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Jul 1998 03:42:22 GMT Organization: Interport Communications Lines: 113 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o42iu$a1k$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer34.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900042142 10292 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13171 Keywords: author=chen X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer34.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12353 rec.arts.sf.reviews:1987 Yes! A movie less plausible than "Independence Day"! And I'm counting the Giant Lizard Steps on New York movie, though that one came close (Especially when they didn't take the FDR to get to the Brooklyn Bridge. The 59th Street Bridge was closer anyway.) I saw an early screening of "Armageddon" on Sunday morning. What can I say but that the laws of physics are strung up by the thumbs and violated in the worst way, that the folks on screen are cut from varying thicknesses and grades of cardboard, that the broad outlines of the film are trivially predictable, that the bomb is defused/asteroid destroyed with 3 second left on the clock, that the special effects departments are the biggest component of the credits and that there's a cute dog that doesn't die? Remarkably and innovatively, New York City is only slightly damaged by horizontally streaking, slow moving meteors. It's Paris that gets it, perhaps because of some issue with the French. This is also the first movie I've seen with a NASA disclaimer at the end, right next to the "No Animals Were Harmed": NASA neither promotes nor endorses the contents of this film. To sum up, it's a summer flick, one of those delicate perenniels that must be cultivated in intense AC and popcorn. The question is whether it's a good summer flick or a bad one. I lean towards not bad, certainly a good cut above "Godzilla" (which says little), but not particularly memorable either. I missed the first asteroid-with-an-attitude movie. Mixed reviews, and all I really wanted to see was the big tidal wave in "Deep Impact". Ten minutes of effects would not be worth nine bucks and two hours of Hallmark-like platitudes. It'll be at a second run house soon enough, so it might be worthwhile then. In any case, for "Armageddon", they decided to go for serious hyperbole in the size of the rock. After carefully pointing out that the proposed dinosaur killer was about six miles wide (and then correctly showing the impact to be just off Cancun), they made the new rock something the size of Texas. Why not the size of Alaska, while we're at it? It'll hit in eighteen days, and Earth's only hope is to send up Bruce Willis and his deep drilling team into space aboard spiffy, remarkably maneuverable and very roomy space shuttles. The idea is to drill into the rock, drop a standard issue nuclear bomb down this hole, and blow up the thing that way. Perhaps no one noticed that there have been innumerable underground nuclear tests, perhaps not in Texas but certainly in nearby Nevada, and none of them have cut much of a hole on the earth's surface. Nuclear weapons really aren't hammers of god, at least compared to large hunks of rock and metal. But this asteroid is remarkable. Not only can it be shattered by a dinky bomb, its surface is covered with crystal growths, retains an atmosphere sufficient to generate a melodramatic wind, has gravity out of proportion to its size (except when inconvenient to plot), and blows up in a Big Ring Explosion (so fashionable with big bangs in modern movies, but apparently the result of misreading of Vietnam war footage). This asteroid has an attitude, a touch of sentience or at least petulence regarding Willis's drilling activity, hailing the drill site with small rocks and methane flares at dramatically convenient, must-push-button times. Oh, methane: a by-product of biological activity, right? I suppose all this indicates that the asteroid is really alive, its spawn of little baby meteors having the power to seek out concentrations of human habitation, and it just happens to be pissed at the French. The most important thing is that the special effects are decent, not great, but decent. "Lost in Space" probably has the best effects so far this year, and "Armageddon" doesn't come that close. The second most important thing is the soundtrack. No Celine Dion, so it's OK -- I guess having Liv Tyler in the movie means at least one Aerosmith song. In terms of plot and character development, well, they make an attempt, which is much, much more than what can be said about "Godzilla", but how much can you do without getting in the way of the special effects? They actually set up a couple of conflicts and relationships. There's a father-daughter conflict, between Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler, and there's a father-prodigy conflict, with Bruce and Ben Affleck. Stuff gets resolved by the end: Bruce and Liv reconcile, Bruce and Ben learn to trust each other. We should not be surprised. A better question may be, how well do these actors pull off the emotional torture thing? Well, Liv is sort of there, but not really. Ben does his Angry Young Hotshot thing reasonably well; he was better in "Good Will Hunting" by far, though that may be because he had more screen time and more to do. Bruce is OK. It's a less interesting role than, say, "Twelve Monkeys", but he's quite sufficient. Besides this, there was the handy ad campaign that showed each major character's face with some tag line underneath, like "He's doing it for the money", "He's doing it for his country" or "He's doing it for the donuts." First time I saw these at a bus stop, I couldn't figure out what they were selling. Sneakers? The advertising, however, is false, as these strokes of character and personality are all but invisible in the actual movie. "Seven Samurai" this is not. The amount of American rah-rah jingoism is actually remarkable. In some ways, images of the American flag and America as savior of the world (no, let me rephrase: "Savior of the World") are more pronounced than in, say, "Independence Day". At least there, we felt a sense of wackiness to the proceedings, and the jingoism is, well, obvious. "Armageddon" does it more seriously and more subtly, mainly by putting the Stars and Stripes in the background when Bruce Willis makes a speach about honor and loyalty. It's not a big can't-miss-me flag, a la "Patton", but it's there. Oh, there was a preview for "Blade" just before this movie. I really want to see it, if only so I can say, "humpf, Buffy can kick Blade's ass." -- "The court determined that Fox TV does not impede free and fair competition in the teen-angst soap-com genre, therefore Party of Five need not be broken into five 'Parties of One,' one being distributed to each of the other networks." From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!newsfeed.sollentuna.se!fci-se!fci!masternews.telia.net!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Scott Renshaw Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Jul 1998 15:44:30 GMT Organization: None Lines: 93 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o5csu$q4m$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer26.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900085470 26774 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13195 Keywords: author=renshaw X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer26.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12402 rec.arts.sf.reviews:1999 ARMAGEDDON (Touchstone) Starring: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi, Will Patton, Peter Storemare, Keith David. Screenplay: Jonathan Hensleigh and J. J. Abrams. Producers: Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd and Michael Bay. Director: Michael Bay. MPAA Rating: PG-13 (profanity, adult themes, violence) Running Time: 150 minutes. Reviewed by Scott Renshaw. You gotta give bonus points to the Touchstone Pictures publicity department for uncommon candor on the subject of big-budget film screenwriting. Press materials for ARMAGEDDON proudly trumpet the fact that the producers "assembled a cadre of talented writers" to polish up Jonathan Hensleigh's script, including Tony Gilroy, Paul Attanasio, Scott Rosenbert and Robert Towne. Even cast members Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare and Owen Wilson were acknowledged for their ad-lib contributions. After creating an additional writing credit to accommodate two more names ("Adaptation" on top of "Story" and "Screenplay," as if you could figure out the difference), Jerry Bruckheimer and Touchstone appear to have publicly embraced the concept of pot-luck screenwriting: the notion that if a dozen different guys all bring something to the table, you end up with a cinematic meal. Or in the case of ARMAGEDDON, one massive snack. The subject, of course, is this summer's favorite -- a huge celestial body on a collision course with our Big Blue Marble, this one an asteroid the size of Texas. Faced with a "Global Killer" certain to wipe out life as we know it, NASA chief Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) initiates a plan involving landing a shuttle on the asteroid and planting a nuclear warhead 800 feet below its surface. To that end he recruits deep-core oil driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) for the job of making the big hole for the big bomb. Naturally, Harry needs his misfit crew along with him, including hot-shot A. J. (Ben Affleck), who coincidentally is in love with Harry's daughter Grace (Liv Tyler), much to Harry's paternal consternation. It's enough to generate flashbacks from DEEP IMPACT, where the feeble attempts to generate sweeping emotion more often generated sleeping emotion. ARMAGEDDON, to its credit, at least gets its priorities straight. Make no mistake, this is a special effects-driven action film, chock-a-block with ahhh-inspiring scenes -- exploding space shuttles, meteor showers toppling the Empire State Building, the gargoyles on the Notre Dame Cathedral watching as Paris is reduced to baguette crumbs. Director Michael Bay predictably resorts to tension-builders like close shaves with countdown clocks, but at least he knows enough to keep the focus on the drill team's mission once they're in space. For its final 75 minutes, ARMAGEDDON is virtually nothing but explosions, crashes and narrow escapes...and that's a good thing. It's the _first_ 75 minutes which truly test your gag reflex, as the aforementioned cadre of writers tries vainly to create the illusion of character development. Stock interpersonal conflicts share time with tender moments as all involved make their peace before heading off to save humanity; I'm not sure whether I was more moved by the gruff reconciliation between Grace and Harry, or A. J. wooing Grace using Animal Crackers for foreplay (don't ask). It's all a load of nonsense, made even less interesting by Bay's foolish decision to keep chopping back and forth between the playful introduction of our roughneck protagonists and a solemn war room session at NASA. There's nothing cohesive or compelling about ARMAGEDDON as narrative; strangely enough, it feels like the result of a dozen different writers contributing individual scenes or lines of dialogue. I'm not going to suggest that ARMAGEDDON isn't a pretty effective diversion. If there's one thing a dozen writers can do, it's produce a bunch of solid laughs and craft a few exciting action sequences. It's fun watching the unhinged performances of Buscemi (as the crew's horny geologist) and his FARGO partner Stormare (as a loopy Cosmonaut), and it's fun grinning at creaky devices like military men being turned into villains for choosing the fate of all humanity over our intrepid heroes. There's just not much more you can expect from a film where they seem more interested in throwing in a GODZILLA gag than in letting one writer create an actual story. For all the uneven visceral enjoyment that it's worth, TOUCHSTONE PICTURES proudly presents ARMAGEDDON: a blockbuster a la carte. On the Renshaw scale of 0 to 10 asteroid belts: 6. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Visit Scott Renshaw's MoviePage http://www.inconnect.com/~renshaw/ *** Subscribe to receive new reviews directly by email! See the MoviePage for details, or reply to this message with subject line "Subscribe". -------------------------------------------------------------------------- From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news-ge.switch.ch!fci-se!fci!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Martin Thomas Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Jul 1998 15:57:20 GMT Organization: IDES Of MARCH Lines: 140 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o5dl0$15qe$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: drmartin32@earthlink.net NNTP-Posting-Host: homer10.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900086240 38734 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13207 Keywords: author=thomas X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer10.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12386 rec.arts.sf.reviews:1993 "Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it"- Santyana ...Blah, blah, blah. Man, I don't know about you, but I am truly tired of hearing that quote. Not that it isn't true, mind you, but it's invoked way too often and usually in conjunction with denouncing the horrors of the Holocaust, slavery or the South during post-Civil War Reconstruction. What bummers! Personally, I believe the quote's validity can proven with a more contemporary and less grandiose atrocity ...say for instance, Bruce Willis. Today's history lesson takes us back to 1988- A time when the 'one-man-army' action movie genre looked to be on it's last leg. It seemed that Stallone's and Schwarzenegger's best work was behind them and their movies were vying with each other to see which could most resemble a Tex Avery cartoon. Then, out of nowhere came a little movie named DIE HARD. What set DIE HARD apart from the others wasn't so much how smart the script was, it was the clever twist of the main character: not an ex- Green Beret, ex-mercenary, ex-CIA agent, but just a NY City cop. A regular Joe. One of us. No longer could a building full of hostages only be rescued by an Austrian Superman. It could just as well be an average guy who used his brain and had a rudimentary knowledge of firearms. "Hell, it could've been me!" What made it all even more of a 'goof' was that it was Bruce Willis in the role of John McClane. Balding and not 'matinee idol' handsome but charming in his own simian sort of way. Not really out of shape but not a person who'd choose a protein shake over a beer. In fact, he was already famous for hawking wine coolers and being MOONLIGHTING's David Addison: smart mouthed, blitzed-out party guy. A slacker. A screw up. "Hell, if Bruce could do it I KNOW I could do it!" It was a 'goof' on top of a 'goof'. So what happened? While we all high-fived and celebrated how funny the punchline was we somehow forgot the joke it was attached to. During this bout of amnesia Reality folded in on itself and Bruce Willis became known as a legitimate action hero. He was invited to become a partner in Planet Hollywood and was parodied alongside Schwarzenegger and Stallone on such tv shows as ANIMANIACS and DUCKMAN. Our forgetfulness yielded a condemnation that was quick and severe and in the form of THE LAST BOY SCOUT, LAST MAN STANDING, THE JACKAL, MERCURY RISING and most recently ARMAGEDDON. In the first five minutes of ARMAGEDDON New York is devastated by a shower of VW-sized meteors. The Powers-That-Be discover that they are actually the by-product of a giant asteroid plummeting toward Earth...with an ETA of 18 days! Since detonating all of the worlds nuclear bombs on the surface of the asteroid would do no more damage than a firecracker held in an open palm (????), the government enlists the aid of Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), the greatest oil drilling 'wildcat' in the world. Harry and his ragtag team of roughnecks blast off into outer space to implant a nuke in the asteroid and save the world. Between numerous mishaps and their own hijinx, though, there may not be enough time. Double deja vu, huh? Just last year we had two disaster movies about erupting volcanoes (DANTE'S PEAK, VOLCANO) and this year we have two movies about the imminent destruction of Earth by meteors. I figured the obvious thing to do here would be to compare and contrast DEEP IMPACT (a more realistic and sensitive look at the last days of Earth, reminiscent of TESTAMENT and THE DAY AFTER) to ARMAGEDDON (uh...it blows up stuff real good), but I've decided against it . "...OF ALL THE MOVIES THIS SUMMER, ARMAGEDDON IS THE BEST..." -raves Martin Thomas of The Reel Deal -Hey, rather than let the studio assign a truncated pre-fab quote to me (like so many other lesser critics who just want to hear their name on tv), I just saved them the work. Of course, what follows "... " would be: "...AT TYPIFYING EVERYTHING THAT'S GENERALLY INSIPID ABOUT BIG SUMMER MOVIES!" ARMAGEDDON is a brain dead, suspense-free, artless movie with scribble pad characters, a 'make-it-up-as-we-go' plot, Aerosmith songs every 15 minutes (did I mention that it also stars Liv Tyler), and has a sense of humor that is of, by, and for middle-aged frat boys. Other than bringing in people who like independent movies, Steve Buscemi's and Billy Bob Thorton's only purpose seems to be to share scenes with Bruce Willis and drive home the point of what a rotten actor he is. There's no sense of urgency and you never feel that the world is really going to end...and you don't care! The characters in the movie sure don't seem to. With only two days left to save the Earth they take a night off to go to a strip club. Probably the worst thing about ARMAGEDDON is knowing that it's gonna make more money than God. ARMAGEDDON is a studio exec's wet dream. It's a combination of TRUE LIES, INDEPENDENCE DAY and CON AIR synthesized in a lab with everything fun, clever or new already extracted. It fits perfectly into it's genealogy of TWISTER-ID4-THE LOST WORLD-SPEED 2-BATMAN & ROBIN-GODZILLA-***. Movies that promise the world then do an insulting bit of 'bait and switch'. Movies we'll sometimes like only because we had our hearts so set on it. It's the history lesson we never seem to learn. 'Santyanna's lament' I call it. I suppose compared to an F-5 tornado that only kills two people, an alien technology that interfaces with a MacIntosh computer, a T-Rex that drinks water from a chlorinated pool rather than a nearby ocean, a Bat-credit card, and a lizard that's as tall as a skyscraper yet small enough to lay eggs in Madison Square Garden, I guess an asteroid the size of Texas not being detected until eighteen days before impact is not all that outrageous. Even when you consider that XF11, the real life mile-wide meteor's brush with Earth has been pinpointed thirty years in advance (Oct. 16 2028 1:30pm). I guess I'm just nitpicking now. "Dude, it was just meant to be a rollercoaster ride movie and there's something wrong with you if you can't just sit back and enjoy it! You can't compare it to a 'thinking' movie." So, is this what we've come to? Do I now not compare the cooking of Paul Prudhomme to that of Wolfgang Puck, but rather the taste of a corn-fed cow's dung to that of a slaughterhouse cow? This has all made me question my judgement and put me in a self- reflexive mood. It's not like I haven't loved movies that either require you to check your brain at the door (SPAWN, THE SAINT) or movies where the lead actor can't hold his accent (THE GHOST & THE DARKNESS, THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE) or movies with terrible dialogue (WILD THINGS, BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS). I think the key word is EITHER/ OR, as opposed to AND. I guess I require that a movie have SOME merit other than lining the pockets of hack directors and schlock producers (you know who you are). Sure, it's possible to "check your brain" and enjoy ARMAGEDDON, but you may be too embarrassed to ask for it back afterwards. It might have some questions you don't want to answer. -MARTIN -- Tune in to the REEL DEAL Wednesdays at 10pm on ACTV Cable channel 16 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!newsfeed.sunet.se!news01.sunet.se!news99.sunet.se!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!204.59.152.222!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Nathaniel R. Atcheson" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 11 Jul 1998 04:52:49 GMT Organization: Film Psychosis (http://www.pyramid.net/natesmovies) Lines: 133 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o6r31$qbg$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer34.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900132769 26992 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13227 Keywords: author=atcheson X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer34.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12421 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2002 Armageddon (1998) Director:  Michael Bay Cast:  Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Peter Stormare, Keith David, Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, William Fichtner Screenplay (story, etc.):  Jonathan Hensleigh, Robert Roy Pool, Tony Gilroy, Shane Salerno, J.J. Abrams, Paul Attanasio, Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg, Robert Towne Producers:  Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd, Michael Bay Runtime:  150 min. US Distribution:  Touchstone Rated PG-13:  disaster violence, language By Nathaniel R. Atcheson (nate@pyramid.net) Cinema has been around for about a hundred years now.  It's not my job to recap this century every time I talk about a new film, but I'd like to think that I'm beginning to understand the art more as I watch more films from before my time. Recently, I've seen the films of Hitchcock, Capra, Fellini, Godard, Kurosawa, Chaplin, Lang, and many others.   Those men were talented artists, and their films reflect their genius.  They are likely to be remembered for . . . well, quite a while.  I like this film, too.  Yes, it's a disaster-slash-action movie.  True, its budget is a lot more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime.  And there's not a doubt in my mind that the only reason it was conceived was to make a lot of money.  In fact, I bet the producers of Armageddon would have worked towards a lousy film, had they thought it would've been more profitable. I certainly don't care what their intentions were, because Michael Bay (The Rock) is such a skilled director that I doubt he'd ever make a film that is difficult to sit through. Of course, skillful direction doesn't complete the package, but the rest of Armageddon manages to keep everything together. The story is well-thought out (and perfectly paced to provide for an abundance of action sequences that never feel out of place), the acting is terrific, the script is sharp, and -- get this -- there are characters. Yes, you read that right. Armageddon actually has characters you can care about! If you don't like this film, then you have a problem with the genre itself: Armageddon is as good as a film like this can be. If you've seen Deep Impact, then you know the basic framework for the story. It turns out that an asteroid the size of Texas is going to strike the earth eighteen days from the start of the film. So, it's up to the U.S. Government to stop it. (Why the U.S. is always exclusively saddled with these problems is never fully investigated.) Their plan -- to send a group of experienced oil drillers up to the asteroid, drill down several hundred feet, and detonate a nuclear warhead within. The head driller is Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis). His group of men is a colorful bunch, including A.J. (Ben Affleck), Chick (Will Patton), and Rockhound (Steve Buscemi). There's also an interesting triangle formed between A.J., Harry, and Grace (Liv Tyler), who is Harry's daughter. A.J. and Grace are, of course, romantically intertwined, and dad isn't too happy with the situation. It's absurd to wish for a complicated story in an Event Movie or a Special Effects Movie or whatever it is you'd like to call Armageddon. It's not about story -- it's about viscera and action, and thrills-a-minute, and all that stuff. It's incidental, really, that the story is cohesive and even remotely believable, because most people will be too wrapped up in the explosions to give two seconds' thought to what actually happens. But Bay is the one to congratulate in this case, for he has made a film so entertaining and so visually sharp that I doubt any director could have done it better. I think most of the budget went to cameras alone, because Bay films every action sequence from about thirty or forty different angles. Take the spectacular opening scene, for instance, in which a meteor shower obliterates New York. A meteor flies out of the sky and crashes into a building, which sends fireballs erupting into the air and cars spinning like tops upon other cars. The action itself might take five seconds in real life, but Bay edits so quickly that we get the same scene in six different ways. I like his quick-edit style, because it's abrasive and exhausting to watch. It's also very loud, and obnoxiously noisy at times. But it's fun to be obnoxious sometimes. The special effects in this film put every other 1998 blockbuster to shame. Deep Impact, visually, has absolutely nothing on Armageddon, and to offer a comparison between the quality of this film and Godzilla is simply laughable. Special effects are very important in a film like this: if they're not good, then the image is not convincing, and the film doesn't work. Everything here looks bright and explosive -- from the little meteors bursting through skyscrapers, all the way to the shots of the earth through the jutting rocks on the ominously approaching asteroid. The effects that don't look totally real are still a pleasure to behold, and I credit everyone involved for creating the first blockbuster so nice-looking that it actually qualifies as art. Of course, all of this would add up to little more than an above-average light show, if I didn't get the feeling that Bay cares as much about his characters as he does about his action. The film is two and a half hours long, and not all of that is spent submerged in numbing action. Much of the film is dedicated to developing the various characters' subplots. I won't suggest that these are complex characters, but their problems are real, and the emotions aren't put forth in a sentimental and overbearing way. In fact, there are three or four scenes here that had me pretty choked up, and that's a lot more than I can say about Deep Impact, which was banking on the feel-good parts of its story. Bruce Willis is terrific, and I'm glad to see him bigger than life again (recent turns in films like Mercury Rising have been very disappointing). Tyler and Affleck are great together, and make a convincing couple -- all of the scenes between them work on a comfortable level. Patton, who is a magnificent actor, thankfully is not wasted here, and the minor subplot revolving around his ex-wife and son is very moving. The comic relief from Buscemi and Peter Stormare (who plays a crazy Russian astronaut) is nifty, and keeps the film lively and funny. I wasn't challenged to think real hard while watching Armageddon, and I don't mind too much. But the film doesn't insult my intelligence -- it's pitched perfectly to entertain, which is what all it really wants to do. It's not mindless and escapist, but well-crafted cinema. It might have been created for the wrong reasons, but men like Michael Bay have my respect for showing me that they are interested in making something good, in spite of the producers and the budget. I'm not saying that films like this are risky moves. What I am saying is that Armageddon is a big, loud, expensive motion picture that reminds me that art often comes in the strangest of forms. ***1/2 out of **** (8/10, B+) **********/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\************ Visit FILM PSYCHOSIS at http://www.pyramid.net/natesmovies Nathaniel R. Atcheson **********/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\************ From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!news.idt.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Mikel J. Koven" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 11 Jul 1998 04:53:09 GMT Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland Lines: 116 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o6r3l$mbk$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer32.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900132789 22900 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13231 Keywords: author=koven X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer32.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12406 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2000 Review by Mikel J. Koven The following review was published in The Express, St. John's Newfoundland, 8 July, 1998. Copyright 1998, by the author. Armageddon (1998) Armageddon may very well be the biggest movie scheduled to open this summer. Touchstone Studios (i.e. Disney) have obviously banked a lot of money on this flick, and perhaps I am just getting cynical after The X-Files debacle, but it strikes me that we as movie audiences are becoming more and more susceptible to studio marketing hype than ever before. No matter how bad Armageddon is, and it is pretty awful, thrill seekers are going to line up for miles and days in order to watch the destruction. Here is the plot of Armageddon: a big meteor is headed for earth. This rock, referred to by the scientists in the flick as "a global killer" will destroy every living thing on earth unless it is destroyed. The only hope for humanity is to land a crew of American (naturally) deep-core drillers on the asteroid and blow it up with nuclear weapons. Bruce Willis plays Harry S. Stamper, a rogue deep-core driller, who is the best in his trade. He is brought on by NASA to advise a team of astronauts taking care of this mission. Obviously, Stamper cannot trust a bunch of strangers, and he assembles his own motley crew of meteor-killers. The boys blast off, blow-up the rock, and return as heroes. What I think is most noxious about this movie is the absolutely shameless flag waving: if you were bothered by the "rah, rah! USA, A-OK!" sentiments of Independence Day, you can certainly miss this movie. Every dramatic moment in the film has the "stars and stripes" in the back ground. What starts as an "interesting"piece of Americana quickly becomes jingoistic and annoying: Armageddon reifies the old frontier as its theme. NASA and the White House have all these scientists and advisors who are helpless against the end of the world. They run around like Chicken-Little wondering how many "nukes" it will take to destroy the meteor. In walks the old "working class hero", Willis, who points out that it takes a "real" man, and not some Pentagon desk jockey, to do this job. It is only the same gumption that built America, that can save it - oh, yes, and the world too I guess. We see "foreigners", people of color, wearing "funny" clothes doing their ethnic things in their far-off and dirty countries praying superstitiously to their "gods" for salvation - completely unaware that the good old US of A will save the day. Even in the States, we see Norman Rockwell-like tableaus of middle-America, workin' folk gazing longingly at the Stars and Stripes looking for salvation. It is pathetic really - and makes one crave the subtleties of ID4. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer, the man who produced The Rock a few years ago, as the television ads like to constantly point out, fails Armageddon in the same way he failed with last year's Con-Air; it is not sufficient to add more explosions, more action, more "zippy one-liners", if you haven't got a decent script. Director Michael Bay (who also directed The Rock), is likewise positioned to take responsibility for this turkey - he helmed one hit, and it feels like Bruckheimer automatically assumes that the same director will rework the same magic. The problem is that in The Rock, there was a crackling good script. The characters were developed, and the situation was, at least, plausible. The humor came from the situation, and did not, like in both Con-Air and Armageddon, get slotted in as "one-liners". At the centre of The Rock was the awkward relationship between Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage; in Armageddon we have "the awkward relationship" between Willis' Stamper and Ben Affleck's A. J. Frost, who is in love with Stamper daughter, Grace, played by Liv Tyler. With the Connery - Cage relationship, the two men got to know one another over the course of the film; but in Armageddon, the relationship between Willis and Affleck has been on-going for five years - none of which we see or gets developed in the paint-by-numbers screenplay. The result is we don't care: Willis is being a weenie, Affleck is being a "sook". And Liv Tyler is there just to look beautiful, framed against "Old Glory". The cast is alright with what they have to work with. Chisel-faced Willis is out to save the world and seems focused on not bursting out laughing at the absurdity of this movie. And Affleck is solid enough in his first real-big movie, after his success in Good Will Hunting. If Hollywood needed verification that Affleck is an up-and-coming star, this movie will probably do that. The real waste here is Billy Bob Thornton as NASA supervisor, Dan Truman; Thornton commands the screen in a way that only a few other actors can (George Clooney, I think also has this charisma). Perhaps it is his Southern drawl, but Thornton can make even the most sentimental and ridiculous dialogue at least plausible. It is worth noting that, as is the standard in Western literature, the two main protagonists on opposite ends of the central crisis, Willis in space and Thornton in Houston, are frequently two sides of the same psyche. In Armageddon, should you fuse the names of Willis' Harry S. Stamper with Thornton's Dan Truman, you get Harry S. Truman, the cold-war president of the Untied States who ordered the bomb dropped on Japan, another "Armageddon". But touches like that, or the brief joke at the beginning of the movie attacking Godzilla(it's pretty hard to miss), are not sufficient to save the film. Neither are the special effects, which range from the spectacular to the pretty lame. In part, I guess one can forgive the bravado of the film's marketing team: with Dreamworks' Deep Impact beating Armageddon to theatres by a couple of months, Touchstone needed to save some face. But unlike last year's Dante's Peak and Volcano, two films which stood on their own and whose only similarity was the presence of magma, Deep Impact and Armageddon are virtually the same movie - except that the former was good. Sure enough, as I predicted, many people were disappointed with Deep Impact in that it was character driven with few scenes of mass destruction (which if you rent out some older movies, you will discover is more in keeping with the disaster movie genre of the 1970s than the action extravaganzas we see today). If all you want is to see stuff blow up and get crushed, then Armageddon may be for you. But, as a movie, Armageddon bites. The script is paint-by-numbers, the characters are undeveloped, and the racism, sexism, and jingoism which passes for patriotic heroism in the United States is frankly offensive. I cannot believe, or don't want to believe, that even our cousins from south of the border would like this movie. But I've been wrong before. Rating: * From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!sunqbc.risq.qc.ca!newspeer.monmouth.com!howland.erols.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Robert Marks <4rbm2@qlink.queensu.ca> Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 11 Jul 1998 04:53:14 GMT Organization: Queen's University, Kingston Lines: 51 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o6r3q$mde$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer39.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900132794 22958 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13232 Keywords: author=marks X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer39.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12414 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2001 Armageddon should have been the smash hit (if you'll pardon the expression) of the summer. It should have been an incredible film with great characters, great special effects, and a great plot. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Oh, it had the great special effects. The effects were better than Deep Impact, in fact. It also had some good characters and some very funny character driven scenes. However, as far as the plot goes, Armageddon falls flat on its face. The plot is simple enough: an asteroid the size of Texas is heading towards the Earth on a collision course, and it has to be stopped. This is demonstrated by New York being decimated by small meteorites crashing into buildings. The technicians at NASA then find that they have somehow missed a huge asteroid, and get the best drillers in the world to travel up to the thing, drill an 800 foot hole in it, and set off a large nuclear weapon. However, as soon as they ask Bruce Willis' character to help them save the world, the movie becomes silly beyond belief. All of them fail the psych test, but are okayed for space flight anyway. They get to the asteroid, and the landing resembles something from Star Wars as the space shuttles weave in and out of debris like jet aircraft. The highly trained pilot misses the landing zone by over 20 miles. Once they finally begin, the stupidity becomes almost too much to mention. As the viewer watches the military try to detonate the nuke early (and a bunch of laymen manage to disarm it), sees the most durable space shuttle in the world proven to be prone to bullets, and wonders why there is a gatling gun on a space drill anyway, s/he also wonders why they paid so much to see this movie. The ridiculous plot also manages to discredit the characters, and turns what should be a dramatic sacrifice (you can probably guess the character as you watch the movie) into a cop-out. Well, at least the movie didn't have any completely ridiculous lines, even if the plot was idiotic. And, the special effects did look nice. So, in the end, the grade is 2/5. It could have been worse, but it could have been much better. Wait for video for this one; it isn't worth seeing on the big screen. Robert B. Marks -- The future has not been written, / The past is set in stone, And I am but a lonely wanderer, / With time as my only home. -- from _Demon's Vengeance_ From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Jul 13 13:55:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: jwyse@onlineworks.com (Joy Wyse) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armegeddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Jul 1998 16:06:45 GMT Organization: None Lines: 41 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6o5e6l$kdu$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer26.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900086805 20926 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13214 Keywords: author=wyse X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Priority: normal Originator: grahams@homer26.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12384 rec.arts.sf.reviews:1992 Review: ARMAGEDDON Starring: Bruce Willis Liz Tyler Ben Afflect Billy Bob Thornton Steve Buscemi Review by: Joy Wyse If you're into explosions and destruction, there's a lot in this film. It's another one of those "blow up the world" movies that have been done many times before. Every cliche that you've ever seen is here including the "which color wire do I cut?" scene. It is totally predictable. The familiar format makes us ask, "Which of the supporting cast members will die?" You know what's coming before it happens. But, I liked it. Most of the people who do, are females. Hey, I even cried, even though I expected the finale. But I laughed, too, at some very funny lines. Men, on the other hand, are more technical and more skeptical. Truly, who WOULD risk the future of the planet to Bruce Willis and a group of oil drillers? Surely, some other nation would have had an alternate plan, or would they really all follow the lead of the good old US? The big question here is: Would it be easier to train astronauts to be drillers, or drillers to be astronauts? Or couldn't there have been half and half? For me, this movie was pure escapism. No, it isn't artistic. It isn't well-written or well-acted. But for what it is, a "blow 'em up" movie. I really liked it. I give it a B+. And, I would definitely watch it again. See you at the Movies. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!207.172.3.49!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: David Sunga ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:31:49 GMT Organization: University of Washington ~Lines: 172 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohbbl$l98$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> ~Reply-To: zookeeper@criticzoo.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer07.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477109 21800 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13244 Keywords: author=sunga X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer07.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12433 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2007 ARMAGEDDON (1998) Rating: 2.0 stars (out of 4.0) ******************************** Key to rating system: 2.0 stars - Debatable 2.5 stars - Some people may like it 3.0 stars - I liked it 3.5 stars - I am biased in favor of the movie 4.0 stars - I felt the movie's impact personally or it stood out ********************************* Directed by: Michael Bay Screenplay: Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Starring: Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Peter Stormare, Steve Buscemi, Seiko Matsuda Ingredients: Large asteroid, crew of misfit oil drillers who become astronauts, countdown timer with big green lights Synopsis: In the beginning of ARMAGEDDON the voice of Charlton Heston explains that long ago in the Cretaceous Period, a 6-mile chunk of asteroid exterminated the world of the dinosaurs. When the rock struck, its instant vaporization threw so much dust and gas into the atmosphere that the sun was blocked long enough to kill off most plants and animals. In ARMAGEDDON a new rock - - this time 'the size of Texas' - - is poised to collide with the Earth. American heroes must save the world from certain disaster while the helpless international community follows the American heroes' exploits with awe and adoration. Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) and his hell-raising crew of eccentric oil drillers are considered the best drillers in the world. Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) as head of NASA recruits Stamper and the oilers for a mission to save humanity from extinction. NASA divides the oilers into two mission teams: one led by Stamper and the other led by Stamper's daughter's boyfriend AJ (Ben Affleck), a rival who doesn't get along with Stamper. Each team gets a mobile drilling rig, a space shuttle, and a nuclear bomb. Using Earthbound shuttles as space rockets, each team must slingshot around the moon, reach the giant asteroid, and drill 800 feet into it the asteroid in order to plant and explode a nuclear device - - so that hopefully the asteroid will be split into pieces and avoid colliding with Earth. Only one nuclear device is needed for success but the two rival teams are sent simultaneously to preclude failure. On the mission, Stamper and the boys face perils such as the asteroid's selective gravity. Two-ton space vehicles containing crew members are in danger of floating off into free space. At the same time, two-ton rocks might crush the men as the boulders fall with resounding thuds on the airless asteroid's surface. Also, somebody has thoughtlessly equipped the mobile drilling rigs with Gatling machine guns. Liv Tyler plays Stamper's daughter (and AJ's girlfriend) Grace, a pretty face who waits helplessly on Earth. There are also bits involving stereotyped minorities such as the chatterbox African American who shrieks in surprise, the overweight Samoan hit by a meteor, and the Asian couple who applaud Stamper when their faces get splattered with black oil. Japanese superstar entertainer Seiko Matsuda gets all of two seconds as an oblivious tourist who declares that she wants to go shopping during a meteor shower. Can Stamper and the oil drilling guys save humanity from certain destruction? Opinion: Speaking of doom, a New Age friend told me her theory about why DEEP IMPACT and ARMAGEDDON came out this summer. She says a 16th century doom-and-gloom prophet named Nostradamus wrote that a terror would fall from the sky next year "in the seventh month of 1999." Which could mean anything from a slingshot crash of NASA's plutonium-laden Cassini Probe to a terrorist on a parachute, if you believe in that sort of thing. But in Hollywood, it amounts to little more than coffee shop inspiration for summer asteroid movies such as DEEP IMPACT and ARMAGEDDON. Getting back to ARMAGEDDON, it seems like there's a scene missing. In the movie, as time runs short, the crew led by AJ has a perfect opportunity to wake up, unpack their gear, start digging, plant their nuclear bomb, and save the Earth (and its 6 billion people). Instead, they go driving around the asteroid with the mobile drilling rig - - inexplicably wasting precious time sightseeing when the Earth (including AJ's girlfriend) is in immediate and dire jeopardy. Is AJ's nuke completely forgotten as a viable option in his mission? At its heart ARMAGEDDON is mostly a rehash of stuff we've already seen before in other uninspiring movies. But at least the mediocre doomsday script is spiced up with implausible events (such as Gatling guns) to increase the number of booms and bangs. The cinematography in ARMAGEDDON is noteworthy in that for two hours and 30 minutes the audience is hit with a dizzying mishmash of photographic angles nearly every second. Meanwhile, in the background music, suspenseful drumming goes on and on and on. All this changing scenery and ominous drumming is illusory fluff - - an obvious attempt to make it seem like something interesting is always about to happen. But the continuous images hold interest for only about an hour, then diminish in impact as nothing substantial really happens. On the other hand, being distracted from ARMAGEDDON's implausible plot while waiting for the ending to roll around might not be a bad thing. In short, ARMAGEDDON consists of a few booms, a few bangs, lots of distracting images, and a period of waiting around for a possibly happy ending. Reviewed July 1, 1998 Trivia (Sci Fi fans only): After the movie I wondered whether in reality we Americans would be able to use nukes to fend off a space rock the size of Texas (i.e. over a quarter million square miles), and found out that astronomers have actually done simulations. In the computer simulations using the rough equivalent of an atom bomb planted in an asteroid only a mile in size, the asteroid cracked up, but the pieces stayed on course to wipe out the Earth. One thing that’s always bugged me about sci fi movies is the use of rockets, which somehow seem kind of low tech, since rockets waste vast amounts of fuel and then run out. But in order to travel such vast distances, interstellar travel would require establishing a propulsion force that, unlike rocketry, doesn’t use up much fuel. For example, when you drop a penny, it experiences a force which pulls it in the direction of earth. This is because the penny is within a gravitational field which propels the penny towards Earth, without having to burn fuel. If the gravitational field pointed sideways, the penny would fall sideways. If the field pointed up, the penny would fall up. The penny always falls in the direction of the field, without having to burn fuel. Field is the key. Field effect propulsion is perfect for sci fi space travel. Basically, in order to create a propulsive force to drive a spaceship in any direction without the use of fuel, all you have to do is establish a ship with its own field. Point the field in the direction you want to go, and you continue to "fall" in that direction forever. Point it in a different direction, and there you go. Has the principle of field effect propulsion been demonstrated before in real life? Certainly. It's known as the Biefeld Brown effect, a weak phenomenon first observed by physicist/astronomer Dr. Paul Alfred Biefeld as early as 1923. Biefeld created a strong electrostatic field in a simple capacitor (a capacitor is a sandwich made of two metal plates and gook in between) - - and the capacitor always levitated weakly towards the direction stipulated by its generated field. That was over seventy five years ago, in 1923, before big budgets and modern materials. Just imagine the kind of field effect propulsion we could achieve in a 1998 science fiction movie (or in real life using the movie’s budget). Most recently, in 1992 Dr Eugene Podkletnov of Tampere University, Finland published a paper describing research in which he using a special ceramic disk to produce a field in the direction opposing gravity. When non-metal and non-magnetic materials were placed within the field directly above the flat disk, he recorded up to a 2% cancellation of gravity. Presently Dr Ning Li of the University of Alabama, Huntsville, along with NASA's Marshall Manned Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama, are working on a similar device. Go, NASA. It seems to me, that if science fiction is supposed to portray imaginary high tech space propulsion, field effect is the way to go. Copyright © 1998 by David Sunga This review and others like it can be found at THE CRITIC ZOO: http://www.criticzoo.com email: zookeeper@criticzoo.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed.uk.ibm.net!ibm.net!news-lond.gip.net!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: Walter Frith ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:32:43 GMT Organization: None ~Lines: 108 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohbdb$lbs$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> ~Reply-To: wfrith@netinc.ca NNTP-Posting-Host: homer15.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477163 21884 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13252 Keywords: author=frith X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer15.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12428 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2003 'Armageddon' (1998) A movie review by Walter Frith Member of the 'Internet Movie Critics Association' http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/5713/index.html and Member of the 'Online Film Critics Society' http://smart.sbay.com/ofcs/ If you look up the term 'overkill' in the dictionary you will see a picture of movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer. His production company tries to top itself with each outing and 'Armageddon' is no exception. For a movie critic and in many ways it's the same for the general public at large, the film doesn't require a lot of thought, if any at all, and is meant to be a big budgeted, loud, extremely edited film with special effects that look like they're straight out of a comic book and the film's gothic design of a giant meteor is a glimpse straight into hell. One thing you have to understand in seeing a film like this (and it's something I've said over and over again and I'll always say it) is that it is beyond the realm of high brow criticism and deserves to be put in the category of happy medium. If you criticize the film too harshly, you'll look like a snob and if you judge it too well, you'll look like a fool. The genre of action films should be given a new category, that of 'expected action' film as you know what to expect as soon as you see the coming attractions. 'Armageddon' certainly aims to please and has more edits in a ten second span than any other film I've seen and corners are not cut in the special effects department. My harshest criticism of this film is that it doesn't require any big name stars because the film is so overwhelming technically that the biggest movie star in the world would get lost in the mix. And yet, the big names are there. As the film opens, the narration is conducted by Charlton Heston, whose biblical past in films seems appropriate here as he describes an event of biblical proportions. We hear how a description of a meteor's impact 65 million years ago on Earth comes to fruition which allegedly wiped out the dinosaurs. Some theories I've read over the years tend to favour that that impact is now the Grand Canyon in Arizona U.S.A. Skip forward to the present day. A meteor the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth and the only way to destroy it seems to be to land a space shuttle on it with a group of core drillers that will grind a hole in it, drop a nuclear explosive in it and break it up so that the concussion that follows will cause the remaining particles to miss our planet. I'm not sure that this would necessarily work but then again bad science is always a factor in films like this just as it was ludicrous to believe that Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum could fly that alien space craft into the mother ship in 'Independence Day' and upload that infamous computer virus to destroy all the surrounding ships hovering over the major cities of the world. Dumb? Sure. But embracing the idea of suspension of disbelief is as old as the film industry itself. Bruce Willis stars as the best core driller in the world. He's an aspiring oil man and the first time we see him he's chipping golf balls from his off shore rig at a Greenpeace boat, filled with protesters who duck each time a golf ball comes their way and clangs off a beam just over their heads as Willis laughs. One of his crew (Ben Affleck) is having an affair with his daughter (Liv Tyler) and other members of Willis' crew (Will Patton, Steve Buscemi) work closely as his best friends. Willis is called in by a NASA chief (Billy Bob Thornton) who explains the impending doom and asks Willis to apply his core drilling skills and destroy the rocky menace. Willis agrees only if he can have his own men brought along and their training is a scene straight out of 'The Right Stuff' only it crosses with some slapstick and looks more like the wrong stuff and this scene is aloof. In reality, not all of these men would pass the training course to cut the mustard is taking a trip to outer space and this plot hole is about the silliest the film has to offer. The most unusual character in the film is a Russian cosmonaut on board the space station Mir played by Peter Stormare. The 'Fargo' reunion is in this film. He and Steve Buscemi appeared in 'Fargo' and are in this film. You remember Stormare as the thug who didn't say too much in 'Fargo' and who eventually cuts Buscemi's head off with an axe and stuffed him into a wood chipper. Stormare even sports the same type of winter hat he had in 'Fargo' and I'm wondering if it's an in joke here. Ditto on the 'Pulp Fiction' reunion. 'Pulp Fiction' even gets mentioned in 'Armageddon' by one of the cast. 'Armageddon' has Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi. Buscemi plays the Buddy Holly waiter in 'Pulp Fiction'. The other giant meteor film, 'Deep Impact', released earlier this year is better than this film because it had the human element more tightly wound around it plot line and there really is no good reason why 'Armageddon' has to be two and a half hours long. There are too many silly scenes of corny dialogue and too much time is spent at the site of the meteor which doesn't look convincing but the film's saving grace is its eye popping special effects, booming sound effects and clever sets which tower over the entire production. Director Michael Bay ('The Rock', 'Bad Boys') never gives the audience a chance to breathe and a bit more subtlety would have been nice and while it is often said that less is more, 'Armageddon' is still good to look at and a treat to listen to and while the film comes out looking exactly the way the film makers intended it to, it can't be all that bad but it's a film you'll only want to see once. OUT OF 5 > * * * Visit FILM FOLLOW-UP by Walter Frith http://home.netinc.ca/~wfrith/movies.htm Walter Frith's Top 100 Movies Of All Time Are Now Online At: http://home.netinc.ca/~wfrith/wftop100.htm From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news-ge.switch.ch!surfnet.nl!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: wchamber@netcom.ca (Bill Chambers) ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.current-films,rec.arts.movies.misc,rec.arts.movies.movie-going,rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:32:21 GMT Organization: Film Freak Central ~Lines: 104 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohbcl$m3i$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer03.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477141 22642 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13249 Keywords: author=chambers X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer03.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.current-films:245222 rec.arts.movies.misc:32109 rec.arts.movies.movie-going:9705 rec.arts.movies.reviews:12430 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2004 ARMAGEDDON *1/2 (out of four) -a review by Bill Chambers (Film, DVD, LD reviews! A section where YOU can recommend movies! Fabric softener! All in one! FILM FREAK CENTRAL http://www.geocities.com/~billchambers New address. New attitude. Same purple prose.) starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams directed by Michael Bay It rocks—actually, lots of rocks fly at us or from us, in slow or fast motion, at several points in the film. They seem like dangerous rocks because they kind of twirl through the air instead of just propelling forward, and when they land—once in a while, when we need a break from the space sequences—they cause damage enough to destroy the Chrysler building and the like. (Nary a mention of these apocalyptic events is made after they occur.) They also just might be the most interesting element of ARMAGEDDON, a steroid user’s answer to Deep Impact. Bruce Willis stars as Harry Stamper, a famed oil-driller commissioned by the White House and NASA to stop a giant asteroid before it travels beyond "zero barrier" and destroys our planet. Why an oil driller? They require someone experience with deep-core mining to plant a nuclear missile into said asteroid. (In one unintentionally (?) hilarious sequence, NASA asks Harry to inspect a deep-core driller they built based on his blueprints; it is poorly constructed—Harry criticizes almost every aspect of it. We trust NASA to build space shuttles?) Harry assembles the obligatory "ragtag" bunch of "cowboys", including a blond guy, a fat guy, a black guy, a wiseass, and the man who is sleeping with his daughter (Affleck). Once they reach space, we experience sequence after sequence of something going wrong—perhaps the fact that they sent a bunch of nincompoops into outer space has something to do with it; I cannot count the number of times they almost fail the mission on all my fingers and toes. Whether or not they save the day, I will not reveal. Nor will you care. I will say this: you know you’re in trouble when Deep Impact dwarfs your asteroid movie in terms of emotion and scope. Willis has barely a chance to come alive; ditto for Affleck. Their big scenes are mostly reserved for the third act, in a last minute—and futile—attempt to inject warmth into the material. Steve Buscemi’s character—the wiseass—is exceptionally problematic. "Rockhound", as he’s called, is sarcastic and foolish, so they tape him to a chair, where he spends most of the film. So why did they bring him up there to begin with? Rather, why write him into the film?—give his almost-witty one-liners to serious Willis, who scowls and mopes and demonstrates psychotic tendencies: at one point he chases after Affleck with his shotgun for screwing his daughter, firing often and causing significant damage to his oil rig. I’m guessing he qualifies under NASA guidelines as someone unfit for space travel, at least in my world where the sky is blue. Liv Tyler is pretty and humourless, as always; suspiciously, four of her father’s band’s ("Aerosmith") songs grace the soundtrack. Director Michael Bay lays the visual and sound effects on thick, like ketchup, eventually drowning the movie on-screen. (The middle hour is a non-sensical, pyrotechnic assault on the average primate’s brain.) Whenever someone dies in this movie, a crew member inevitably yells out "We lost (insert dead person’s last name here)!" I must admit that not once could I distinguish a dead oil-guy-cum-astronaut from a live one, and close-ups of the corpses’ faces beneath cracked helmets provided little assistance, as their skin was often covered in fake blood. ARMAGEDDON is not as terrible movie as Godzilla. It looks nicer, and has fewer plot-holes within its equally ludicrous framework. It has a vivid soundmix. But at almost two-and-a-half hours, I could not believe how little actually happened over the course of the story. The love story has been played up in the ads, perhaps hoping to catch people before they recover from Titanic-fever. Bollocks! The lovers in the film are miles apart throughout—erase all thoughts of nude sketching or car-sex and replace them with obligatory shots of Liv Tyler tearing up while Ben Affleck dicks around in a moon-crawler. Remember a little film called Jaws? In this film, three independent-minded men suddenly found themselves on a fishing boat in pursuit of a deadly shark. They didn’t much like each other at first; eventually, they started to respect one another. One of Jaws’ great scenes involved the would-be-Ahabs drinking and singing songs and telling stories. This is the sort of male-bonding foreign to Bay or his producer, Jerry Bruckheimer, who throw too many characters into the mix and expect we’ll care about them on the grounds that the world is about to end. Not once do we get the feeling that these characters are even acquaintances—I’d be surprised if these actors bothered to introduce themselves to one another before "action" was called. A male friend who loved the film suggested to me that perhaps I cannot relate to a bunch of men who don’t bare their souls, who believe in dying macho concepts like heroism and a kind of chest-beating bravery. To this, I will respond that the boys in ARMAGEDDON are neither heroic, nor brave, nor smart, even: this team couldn’t build a birdhouse. And if I get no respect for disliking a movie with all the synthetic feeling of a trailer—a trailer for a movie written by a team of body-builders and greeting card authors—I’ve never been a prouder wimp my whole life. -July, 1998. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: "Harvey S. Karten" ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:32:33 GMT Organization: None ~Lines: 138 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohbd1$lbo$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer06.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477153 21880 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13251 Keywords: author=karten X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer06.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12431 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2005 ARMAGEDDON Reviewed by Harvey Karten, Ph.D. Touchstone Pictures Director: Michael Bay Writer: Jonathan Hensleigh, J.J. Abrams Cast: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Peter Stormare, Keith David, Steve Buscemi A restored and revitalized "Gone With the Wind" opened at about the same time as "Argmageddon," and surprisingly enough, the two films share common ideas. Thematically, both are about the will to survive in the face of disaster. In the former story, Scarlett O'Hara has been reduced to poverty by the devastation of the Civil War and must use her wiles to subsist. In the latter, the Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis) must use his cunning in a rendezvous with an asteroid whose trajectory threatens to destroy the planet. Now, if someone fairly ordinary like Scarlett can prevail against all odds, do you doubt that Bruce is capable of saving the world? One big question that's raised by any mind in the "Armageddon" audience still unnumbed from the frenetic assault on the senses. Which story has more clout--one about an individual using her artfulness to marry a rich guy, or one about an individual responsible for the continued existence of six billion lives? Common sense would tell you that a story of epic, global scope would rivet our attention better than one involving a single woman and a small circle of admirers. But if you go to the movies quite a bit you may be surprised to find the smaller narratives can be far more appealing. Why? Because we're all human beings and as such relate more easily to stories that are on a human level. To be on a human level means that if you're dealing with a romance, the two performers must be believable and must convey a realistic passion or chemistry. If you're dealing with a crime, you must care what happens to the people involved, whether perpetrators or victims. (Think of our sympathy for George Clooney's character in "Out of Sight" or our involvement with the psyche of the Michael Douglas character in "A Perfect Murder.") And a comedy should make you smile; a satire should have you watch with glee as the big bad corporation gets its comeuppance. (Think of Michael Moore's wiping the floor with the suited downsizers in "The Big One.") Disaster movies that have no human enemy to hate, not even a hero we can truly care deeply about are difficult to bring off. Humankind vs. nature, then, is the most arduous of conflicts. Whom to hate when a tidal wave threatens to engulf Staten Island? When lava from Mt. Teidie overflows on the island of Tenerife? When an earthquake cracks the New York City into five sections? Which brings us to "Armageddon," a difficult tale to bring off because there is no human enemy. Michael Bay's movie is frenetic from start to its conclusion two-and-one half long hours later, leaving the audience scarcely a moment to catch its breath. Even when members of the cast are simply talking, the conversation is agitated, overwrought, jittery, as though the individuals are trying to communicate over a pulsating disco beat (which may not be so far off, considering the decibels evoked by music supervisor Trevor Rabin). Writers Hensleight and Abrams--the two credited for a movie which may have had as many as nine scribes--ignore a basic rule: to sustain involvement, a plot must be developed with highs and lows lest the audience be simply desensitized by frenzy. The special effects are satisfactory, but then again with the state of current technology and the millions which were available to carry the usual Jerry "Con Air" Bruckheimer production values to the fans, why not? Much of this criticism could be tempered if "Armageddon" had any originality, but unfortunately the dialogue apes that of similar movies ("We're not leaving them behind" and "The clock is ticking") and the sentiment is not only banal but false (as when Bruce Willis tells Ben Affleck "I always considered you like a son" despite Willis's every action to the contrary). The story is much the same as that of "Deep Impact," except that there, director Mimi Leder gave a needed woman's touch in making us care about the folks to be obliterated by an asteroid. "Armageddon" opens on the world 65 million years ago (that's quite a bit older than the globe of the movie "The X-Files") where scholar Charlton Heston educates us that the planet earth had been despoiled by an asteroid--one which kicked up so much dirt that the sun couldn't shine (even on California) for the next thousand years. (History might be dull, but prehistory!) Cut to the South China sea where business owner Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis) leads his dirty dozen oil drillers while he casually drives golf balls presumably into Sumatra. Approached by an unsmiling general, he is solicited to volunteer himself and his men to become instant astronauts-- to travel into space after a short period of training, exit the ship on an asteroid the size of Texas which is plummeting toward the earth, dig a 250-foot hole into the mean rock, and blow it up with a nuclear device. Figuring this is a good way to get young A.J. (Ben Affleck) away from his beautiful daughter Grace (Liv Tyler), he accepts the mission. With Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) on board to provide comic relief and a motel crew that includes at least two people whose brains must have rattled once too often while drilling, Harry is off to save the world. The men are accorded such hero status that even Chick Chapple (Will Patton), whose ex-wife has refused to tell their small boy that Chick is the father, now instructs the kid with pride on his paternity. The witticisms are sadly not all on the level of Grace's: When she demands that her father treat her like an adult and Harry wants to know when she became one, she retorts, "Since I reached the age of ten and became older than you." When a NASA official looks at Harry's crew coming out for training, he exclaims, "They look like the wrong stuff." The film is loaded with logistic flaws. For example, when the ship's colonel acts to defuse a bomb, he breaks into a sweat trying to decide whether to cut the blue wire or the red wire. Isn't defusing a bomb part of a military man's training? Worst of all, when the crew prances about the Texas-size asteroid zooming across space, the rock appears to have the same gravitational pull as Texas. And while we know how to send men to the moon, NASA leader Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) does not even know how to shave himself. Some individuals try to leave the planet a little better than what it was when they arrived. Harry S. Stamper gets a chance single-handedly to save the world--which would, perhaps, leave it better. This grandiose theme should evoke breathtaking responses in the audience. Maybe it does. But it could also lead intelligent people with an appetite to see Spalding Gray deliver a one-man monologue on a small stage in an intimate theater. Rated PG-13. Running time: 150 minutes. (C) Harvey Karten 1998 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!howland.erols.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: Craig Roush ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:32:10 GMT Organization: None ~Lines: 72 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohbca$lbe$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer33.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477130 21870 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13247 Keywords: author=roush X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer33.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12432 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2006 ARMAGEDDON Release Date: July 1, 1998 Starring: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Peter Stormare, Keith David, Steve Buscemi, William Fichtner Directed by: Michael Bay Distributed by: Buena Vista Pictures MPAA Rating: PG-13 (sci-fi disaster action, sensuality, brief language) URL: http://www.execpc.com/~kinnopio/reviews/1998/armageddon.htm This year's second asteroid-threatens-earth movie turned out about how last year's second volcano-threatens-city movie did. Similar to VOLCANO, which was more action-oriented, more intense, and generally more on the mark than the earlier-in-the-year DANTE'S PEAK, ARMAGEDDON takes a decidedly different course of action than DEEP IMPACT. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Michael Bay, two of the most noted action movie crew heads, this one's got a better focus on the same material. In short, there's more to like about ARMAGEDDON. There's quite a bit of star power involved in this one, and they're mostly A-listers or competent supports, whereas DEEP IMPACT's cast was a lot of unknowns. Although the movie begins with its biggest star - the asteroid - we're soon introduced to our heroes. Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) gathers his team at NASA after a meteor shower destroys the Space Shuttle Atlantis and a few choice spots of the Big Apple (including the Chrysler Building). They realize there's a bigger chunk of rock out there, and its imminent impact with the Blue Planet will result in the death of every last organism - even bacteria. They can't hit the thing from the outside; that'd just blow dust off the surface. So they need to find the world's best deep-core driller, Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), and send him and his team up to the asteroid. Once there, they need to drill down to 800 feet, plant a bomb, and get the heck off before the explosion splits the Texas-sized thing in half. The picture is largely formula, but Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay have been working at the action movie business long enough to know exactly what formula works. Also, they're working in a genre where formula is almost accepted in a good picture, and by this advice they create their characters to be a cast of the usual suspects. There are no truly two-dimensional characters, and it's unfortunate that Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams, who wrote the script, chose to write most of the players in as jerks. Harry Stamper, A.J. Frost (Stamper's soon-to-be son-in-law, played by Ben Affleck), Colonel Sharp (commander of the mission to save the Earth, played by William Fichtner) and Rockhound (a sex-obsessed crazy played by Steve Buscemi) are all testosterone-loaded for one reason or another; Grace Stamper (Liv Tyler), Harry's daughter, comes of as one who likes to play the victim; in fact, only "Chick" Chapple (Will Patton), Harry's second-in-command, is likeable for his character. The movie's last half-hour is worth as much as the rest of the movie, and Bay and Bruckheimer seem to have lost some of the excellent pacing they displayed in THE ROCK from two years ago. ARMAGEDDON runs 144 minutes in length but only gets really exciting near the end; everything leading up to that is character development, Stamper and his crew getting trained to be astronauts, or "teaser" footage of the asteroid nearing Earth. Although it never pretends to be anything but, the movie is a summer movie, which means it's terribly shallow in all respects and over-saturated with special effects. There's nothing wrong with this once you're in the mood, because ARMAGEDDON is a fun movie to watch. Certainly one of the better summer flicks. FINAL AWARD FOR "ARMAGEDDON": 3.0 stars - a good movie. -- Craig Roush kinnopio@execpc.com -- Kinnopio's Movie Reviews http://www.execpc.com/~kinnopio From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: John Strelow ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:59:47 GMT Organization: Pacific Bell Internet Services ~Lines: 95 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohd03$dtc$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> ~Reply-To: mbjs@pacbell.net NNTP-Posting-Host: homer32.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900478787 14252 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13267 Keywords: author=strelow X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer32.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12448 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2008 Armageddon (written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams, directed by Michael Bay, 1998) When you look up "guilty pleasure" in the cinema encyclopedia, there is a still from ARMAGEDDON. You probably won't recognize the still, however; Michael Bay and his editors cut images together so quickly that this film may have more individual shots than any other feature ever made (it's 2 1/2 hour running time adds to that). ARMAGEDDON is essentially a cross between the spectacle/disaster film made popular from THE ROBE to THE TOWERING INFERNO to INDEPENDENCE DAY and the over-baked melodrama of TITANIC, only without the former's stodginess and latter's damning pretentiousness. It's the type of film where most plot twists don't make any sense (machine guns in space? Hello?), where characters are likely to say dumb things as much as possible, and everything blows up real good. Adding to the guilt for some and to the pleasure for others is the unabashed right-wing tendencies of your typical Jerry Bruckheimer production. Go back to CRIMSON TIDE (Tony Scott, 1995), THE ROCK (Bay, 1996), and CON AIR (Simon West, 1997). It's all there: respect for the military, the necessity of family (notice how the Nic Cage character in THE ROCK cannot get married until he has become a "man" by learning to kill people to get the job done), and the occasional blatant homosexual stereotype (thankfully left out of ARMAGEDDON). Add in a twist of self-sacrifice, a squeeze of loyalty, and two pinches of patriotism, and you have your Jerry Bruckheimer production. Bruce Willis even has a delicious moment where he declares his crew should have a night with their families, an "order" he gives while standing in front of the Stars and Stripes. The Family is America, and you better believe it. Bruckheimer has employed once again Michael Bay, who is very good at blowing things up on camera. Mix in excellent effects work, and you have an action event movie that has some fun. The first ten minutes of the movie are worth the price of admission alone. You've seen bits of it in the trailer, but cut in with the film the scene is amazing, ending with NASA's response, a cameo by the director, and Billy Bob Thornton. Aside from the special effects, the film's strength, and what makes the film enjoyable, is the fact that the cast is on the whole overqualified, and transcends a screenplay hindered by more than a few cliches. (Example: the red wire or blue wire conundrum. At the first screening I saw of the film, a few weeks before release, some members of the audience applauded after this conundrum's all-too predictable conclusion. Perhaps these people had never before seen a movie.) Billy Bob Thornton makes the commander cliches come off beautifully. Bruce Willis is by no means a Great Actor, but he is very good at what he does, and nails the role of Harry Stamper. Steve Buscemi gets to make wisecracks. Will Patton, meanwhile, easily gives the best performance in the movie. The ad campaign tells you that Patton's Chick is "doing it for adventure", but he's really doing it for loyalty. Patton surpasses often clumsy dialogue, and his truest expressions of loyalty and humanity are not expressed though spoken lines but through delicate subtleties and nuances. He shines in a beautiful scene in which he visits his estranged wife and son, a scene which must have been the work of uncredited script-doctor Robert Towne. The case works because it is well cast. Bruce Willis is the action hero. Billy Bob Thornton is the credible actor in charge. And what else is Ben Affleck than the young hot shot who will one day be the star? And Liv Tyler than the overbred daughter? Or Steve Buscemi than the independent soul? And is Chick any more loyal to Harry than Will Patton was to Kevin Costner when he labored as a villain in the latter's THE POSTMAN? The supporting members of the cast are not as well-filled out as they have been in previous Bruckheimer productions (where are George Dzundza, Michael Biehn, and Danny Trejo when we really need them?). The dialogue is often clunky and unoriginal; Thornton and Buscemi can make these lines come off well, but when you have Liv Tyler, who makes good lines sound bad, you know an underwritten script puts you in trouble. There is an ode to TITANIC in the overplayed romance between the Affleck and Tyler characters. Fortunately, the film does not suffer from TITANIC's delusion that it is a Great Movie. The cartoonish aspects of TITANIC bring the film down from its intended pedestal to the level of hackneyed melodrama with awesome ship-sinking spectacle. ARMAGEDDON wants nothing more than to be a hackneyed melodrama (in which the cartoonish characters and dialogue belong) against which is set the awesome spectacle where the entire planet is on the sinking ship. And spectacle is truly what ARMAGEDDON is about. There is no room for originality or daring thoughts, and no time for Great Cinema. There is time, 2 1/2 hours of time, for sheer spectacle, the brand of which believes that big is good, bigger is better, and too much is best of all. The music, imagery, and effects are designed to be bigger than life. It's okay to take an afternoon or evening to see a movie that doesn't make you think. Every now and then, we need a movie that makes us see and hear, and attach ourselves to archetypes instead of real people, because real people can hurt too much. Which means that every now and then, we should take some time out for ARMAGEDDON. Copyright John Strelow 1998 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: "Sridhar Prasad" ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:59:19 GMT Organization: Erol's Internet Services ~Lines: 57 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohcv7$17ku$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer12.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900478759 40606 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13263 Keywords: author=prasad X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer12.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12465 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2012 ARMAGEDDON A film by Michael Bay Starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Liv Tyler, and Billy Bob Thornton WHEW! Summer blockbusters don't get much bigger than ARMAGEDDON, a 2 hour 30 minute ride through outer space. You think Godzilla was big? Or Deep Impact? Forget a creature as big as the Empire State Building, forget a comet the size of NYC, ARMAGEDDON's got a big asteroid the size of Texas hurtling its way here within two weeks. In that time, the US government recruits, trains, and launches the world's best oil-rig drillers to save the planet? Farfetched? ARMAGEDDON makes the THE X-FILES seem like a docudrama. But that's not the point. Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer are in the business of making classic popcorn movies, movies that are completely enjoyable and forgettable. In that sense, they succeed. There isn't much of a plot, simply because Tyler and Affleck don't carry the same kind of chemistry needed to produce a decent subplot. Willis is as macho as ever as Harry Stamper, the leader of this rag-tag crew that's going to save the planet. The movie flows with testosterone, and is filled with macho, big-bang explosions and meteors clobbering the earth. While it's fun, and while the movie is rapid, there's one huge problem: overkill. Bay and Bruckheimer want to top everything. Literally. So they constructed a movie almost 3 hours long filled with explosions. The one problem is overkill. Bay and Bruckheimer fail to stop: they just keep on going, making the film one endless explosion after another. The plot's predictable, and the movie starts to lose steam in the middle. During the space sequences, bad lighting mixed with Bay's frenetic editing makes about a good 30 minutes of the movie almost incoherent, with running cameras on blurred images. Explosion after explosion rock the movie, as nothing goes right for our fearless warriors. Bay and Bruckheimer failed to ease up on the craziness, expecting the audience to get emotionally attached, so that they would feel the highs and lows. That's not easy to do with the poor characterization. The only fun from this crew comes from Affleck and Buscemi, who have the best lines in the movie. Still, there's no denying ARMAGEDDON isn't fun. It has its moments, and there's a lot to like in this film. It's not smart entertainment, it relies on sheer overpowering to carry its viewers, and there are a lot of really neat sequences. You just leave with a feeling of disappointment, because there's TOO much to like. The action is brain-numbing, so that the last hour goes by in a blur. It's an enjoyable ride, but Bay, who tames his frenetic touch in the beginning, restarts it again at the end, causing the film to be a big collage of fast-paced images. The film is just too long, and too big for its own good. It's a fun ride, but in the end, it's just too big. There's too much in this film to be truly effective. If about a half-hour was cut from this film, it would be a lot easier to take. Overall, although an enjoyable blockbuster that's ten times better than Godzilla, ARMAGEDDON just isn't good enough. THE X-FILES and THE TRUMAN SHOW were better films, and more enjoyable. Maybe it's because they were shorter? OVERALL: ** 1/2 out of **** Good in stretches, but way too much. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!newspeer.monmouth.com!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!howland.erols.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: "Berge Garabedian" ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 05:12:55 GMT Organization: None ~Lines: 111 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohdon$doc$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> ~Reply-To: NNTP-Posting-Host: homer21.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900479575 14092 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13281 Keywords: author=garabedian X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer21.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12453 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2009 ARMAGEDDON RATING: 7.5 / 10 --> Re-watchable Review Date: July 5, 1998 Director: Michael Bay Writers: Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Producers: Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay and Gale Anne Hurd Actors: Bruce Willis as Harry Stamper Ben Affleck as A.J. Frost Liv Tyler as Grace Stamper Billy Bob Thornton as Dan Truman Genre: Action / Science-Fiction Year of Release: 1998 The second asteroid movie of the summer (see DEEP IMPACT (6.5/10)) finds Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer teaming up for yet another one of their infamous summer blockbuster entries. This is their latest collaboration after THE ROCK (7/10) and BAD BOYS (7.5/10). Bay used to direct television commercials and music videos (Among many others, he did "Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees" for Aerosmith in 1997, and "I Touch Myself" by Divinyls.) PLOT: The end of the world is near. An asteroid that's the size of Texas is going to crash into Earth in about 18 days, and obliterate all of humanity. The only way to veer its course from our planet is to send up a crew of professional drillers, who will attempt to insert a nuclear bomb deep inside the monstrous rock. Time is limited, the best people for the job appear to be misfits in every other dimension of life, and the world awaits its fate. CRITIQUE: Two words: "fun stuff". This movie is exciting, packed with action, humour, some tender moments, and doesn't pretend to be anything more or less than it's supposed to be: a nacho-munching, popcorn-eating cheese-fest of special effects, fun and 144 minutes of brainless entertainment. And within those guidelines, it comes through like gangbusters! Unlike DEEP IMPACT, this film flies along without too many slow moments, and slaps you in the face every time things appear to be slowing down. It's also packed with a little more special effect fun than a mere tidal wave sequence (As slick as that sequence was in the earlier asteroid movie, it doesn't compare to all of the festivities in this one.) Obviously, character development has never been the strong suit of any Bruckheimer film, but even with that tidbit of knowledge in tow, I'm not afraid to admit that I didn't suffer a touch of the ol' wet-eye nearing the end of this well-rounded movie. The characters were obviously interesting enough for me to care about them, and the style of the film was fun enough for me to pay attention throughout its entire whacked-out ride. The acting was passable, with Willis pulling off a "regular guy" without too many wise cracks this time, Affleck doing his shtick to perfection, and Tyler, well, being there. Steve Buscemi of RESERVOI R DOGS (9/10) fame also deserves a nod for being the perfect wise-cracker in this one (And boy, are his teeth ever crooked or what??) On the negative side, I guess the film could've been trimmed by about half an hour, as the training sequences at the beginning of the film did seem to drag at times, as did the drilling scenes near the end. The Aerosmith tunes were also a bit too obvious and a bore. I suppose one could also complain about the implausibilities of some of the film's events, but fortunately for me, I know not to go into a film of this sort with expectations of a documentary. The superiority of the wonderful land of America was also a bit of an eyebrow-raiser in this flag-waving piece, but I suppose we can't expect more for the weekend of Independence Day, right? Overall, this film tied me to my seat, peppered me some great special effects, plenty of rock 'n roll, a bunch o' fun, action, a decent plot line, and an ending that tugged at most heart-strings (Mrs. JoBlo had to let loose on this puppy as well, but not as much tearage was shed as was in DEEP IMPACT.) I had a great time in this film, and I would suggest it to all those people who like to go a film because of its sheer entertainment value, and not necessarily because of a higher meaning or intrinsic value to society. This flick was a blast! Get your tickets, warm up the nachos, bring in some tissues, turn your brain off at the door, and get ready to be genuinely socked around a rollercoaster of fun and excitement for the first time of the summer of 1998! Little Known Facts: Watch for at least three references to other films in this one. The first takes a jab at GODZILLA (6/10), the other makes an obvious nod to DR. STRANGELOVE (7.5/10), and then of course, the entire "slow-motion astronauts walking to the shuttle" sequence with tips its hat to THE RIGHT STUFF. Some re-writes on this film were done by Scott Rosenberg, Robert Towne, Paul Attanasio and Ann Biderman. Liv Tyler stands 5"10, is the daughter of Steven Tyler (lead singer of Aerosmith) and had a cameo role in Woody Allen's EVERYONE SAYS I LOVE YOU (6.5/10), which was cut. Having said that, Allen was impressed enough by her performance to write a personal letter explaining that her part was cut in editing. In 1995, director Michael Bay was honored by the Directors Guild of America as Commercial Director of the Year. At Cannes, he also won the Gold Lion for the best Beer Campaign for Miller Lite, and a Silver Lion for his "Got Milk?" campaign. Before taking up acting, Steve Buscemi tried to become a NYC Fireman. Ellen Cleghorn of Saturday Night Live fame makes a cameo appearance in this film as the doctor who performs the undesirable act of protruding the crew's bottom-sides for clinical purposes. Charlton Heston is the narrator of this film. -------------------------------------------- Visit JoBlo's Movie Emporium http://www.microtec.net/~drsuess/ -------------------------------------------- (c) 1998 Berge Garabedian From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!newshub.northeast.verio.net!howland.erols.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: jbarlow@earthling.net ("Average Joe" Barlow) ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 05:22:37 GMT Organization: iPass.Net ~Lines: 111 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oheat$om0$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer13.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900480157 25280 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13290 Keywords: author=barlow X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer13.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12459 rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc:211301 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2010 Armageddon A movie review by "Average Joe" Barlow (c) Copyright 1998 STARRING: Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Duncan DIRECTOR: Michael Bay WRITERS: Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno RATED/YEAR: PG-13/1998 "Armageddon" is the latest in a recent flood of films about big rocks striking the Earth, a subject Hollywood can't seem to get enough of. Roger Corman, known primarily for his many low-budget horror films of the '50s, began the trend with last year's TV mini-series, "Asteroid." This summer has already seen the release of "Deep Impact," and while "Armageddon" is a better film than either of its predecessers, I find myself wondering if it will be too little too late to satisfy movie-goers. The story is straightforward enough. Several small meteorites have struck New York City, causing extensive damage to life and property. NASA discovers that these small rocks are but a prelude: an asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. The rock's size means that it's a "planet killer," with the potential to destroy all life on the planet, right down to the bacteria. Realising that no amount of weapons fired from the Earth's surface will stop the asteroid, NASA chairman Dan Truman (an excellent Billy Bob Thornton) sends a team to intercept the rock. Their mission: drill 8OO feet into the surface of the rock, plant a nuclear bomb inside, then detonate it once they are safely away. The resulting explosion will hopefully split the rock in two, causing it to miss the Earth. Bruce Willis (Die Hard) plays oil-driller Harry Stamper, recruited to head the mission because of his expertise drilling into unusual surfaces. Also along for the ride are A.J. (Ben Affleck), Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), Bear (Michael Duncan) and several other professional drillers. Although the team doesn't particularly like each other, they are forced to work together against a common obstacle. Since this is Hollywood, the act naturally brings them closer together. This should be a compelling story in its own right, but director Michael Bay and screenwriters Gilroy and Salerno don't seem sure of their ability to make it interesting; as such, they throw tons of ridiculous subplots and groanably silly catastrophes into the mix for the crew to encounter. This is the sort of film where if there's even the slightest chance for something to go wrong, it will. So naturally, the drill gets stuck, the timer on the nuclear bomb doesn't work, one of the crew members turns out to be Evil (with a capital E), the ship won't start when they try to take off, important levers break off in our heroes' hands at critical times for no particular reason... well, you get the idea. This film turns "suspension of disbelief" into an art form. After a while, these misfortunes cease to be suspenseful and become laughable. Like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" has the obligatory disfunctional family. Tea Leoni does not get along with her father in "Deep Impact"; Bruce Willis does not get along with his daughter in "Armageddon." Leoni hates her father's new girlfriend in "Impact"; Willis hates his daughter's boyfriend (played by Affleck's character) in "Armageddon." Leoni and father reconcile in "Impact"; Willis and daughter reconcile in "Armageddon." How sweet. It might be remotely interesting if I hadn't just seen it. Although Aerosmith is not credited with the film's musical score, they do perform the lion's share of the tunes. No doubt this is due to the strong presence of Liv Tyler (daughter of Stephen, Aerosmith's lead singer). If you like Aerosmith, you're in for a treat. If you don't... well, you might wanna bring a walkman. "Armageddon" won't go down as a sci-fi classic, but it's probably worth seeing. What sets the movie apart from the other rock flicks is not its intelligence (which is only average), or its special effects (which are fine though not extraordinary). The acting is the key here, and the cast does not disappoint. Tyler and Affleck are a great screen couple, the epitome of young lovers who are uncertain of the future and what it may bring. Thornton is also excellent as the NASA official helping out the team from the ground. Surprisingly, humor is a big part of the film's charm; witness Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs, The Wedding Singer), who's played primarily for laughs here and comes through in spades. His observations about the space shuttle's construction are particularly entertaining. Other moments to look for: an amusing cameo by Godzilla in the film's opening scene, a Russian cosmonaut afflicted with a serious case of space madness, and the wonderful scenes in which the crew undergoes NASA psychological testing. I hope this film does well at the box office. Not because it's a great artistic achievment, mind you; I simply want director Michael Bay to make enough money to buy a tripod. Honestly, I've never seen a movie so afraid of static shots. Some scenes vibrate as though the cameraman was bouncing around the set on a pogo stick; others make me wonder if the photographer mistook the camera for an etch-a-sketch and was trying to erase the picture he'd drawn. The visual style of the film is often quite effective, though, so bring along some Dramemine and enjoy the ride. RATING: 3.0 stars (out of a possible five) This review was originally written: July 5, 1998 Copyright (c) 1998 by Joe Barlow. This review may be freely distributed as long as ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGES are made and this disclaimer remains attached. It may not reproduced for profit without the written consent of the author. If you have comments or questions, please send them to: jbarlow at earthling dot net (substituting the appropriate symbols, to discourage spam). ----- "Average Joe" Barlow MiSTie #73097 jbarlow@YOURearthling.PANTSnet http://www.ipass.net/~jbarlow {Remove YOUR PANTS to e-mail me.} "More Reba! More Garth! And... Wynona!" -TV's Frank, Mystery Science Theater 3OOO From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Jul 15 13:10:49 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!news.idt.net!news-peer-east.sprintlink.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams ~From: ChadPolenz@aol.com (Chad Polenz) ~Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews ~Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies ~Date: 15 Jul 1998 05:36:46 GMT Organization: None ~Lines: 136 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohf5e$v9a$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer18.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900481006 32042 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13292 Keywords: author=polenz X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer18.u.washington.edu ~Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12463 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2011 Armageddon Chad'z rating: **1/2 (out of 4 = okay/average) 1998, PG-13, 150 minutes [2 hours, 30 minutes] [thriller/action] starring: Bruce Willis (Harry Stamper), Ben Affleck (A.J. Frost), Billy Bob Thorton (Dan Truman), Liv Tyler (Grace Stamper); written by Jonathan Hensleigh, Robert Roy Pool, Tony Gilroy, Shane Salerno, J.J. Abrams; produced by Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd; directed by Michael Bay. Seen July 4, 1998 at 8:15 p.m. at Crossgates Cinema 18 (Albany, NY), theater #1, by myself using Hoyt's cinema cash. [Theater rating: ****: excellent, sound, picture, and seats] The "event movie" industry is quickly becoming one of the most ruthless forms of competition in the world, rivaling even the Cold War at its peak. Every major Hollywood studio is out to one-up the other by spending as much money as possible with as little effort at intelligence as possible. It's practically a mathematical formula and "Armageddon" culminates this philosophy in nearly every frame of film. It's everything a mega blockbuster should be - full of action, adventure, cliffhangers, romance, comedy, and outstanding special effects, as to cram in everything possible and yet still turns out to be hollow. Getting an audience's attention right from the beginning plays a major role in how today's films work. We want to have something exciting to watch, not a slow build-up of a story (God forbid!), and this film plays right into the mainstream's hands. The opening sequence uses mystery, comedy, and action simultaneously to give a sneak preview of the level of the in-your-face energy the film has. Technically, it serves no purpose other than to showcase the special effects and lay the basic structure for the film's simple plot, but it's also symbolic of the way in which the film works. We're introduced to some generic characters who are quickly thrown into a fantastic situation that could only happen in a movie, and somehow comedy and suspense come into play. Sure it's fun to watch at the time, but in retrospect, it's almost insulting to realize how little thought was put into something so extraordinary. After a sensational teaser, the film switches gears a bit to concentrate on an attempt at backstory. The entire first act flies by as all the major characters and plot devices are unfolded. An asteroid the size of Texas is headed for Earth, and its fragments alone have done more damage than most wars might. This is a simple conflict and surprisingly enough, allows for many sub-plots to push and pull the characters and the story in general. Lots of scientific and military jargon is spat out at a lightning-fast pace to create for a shroud of plausibility. Hollywood doesn't know the meaning of "science fiction" and the way in which the fantastic is justified is more interesting than the justification itself. For example, the imagery of the government's space and military programs is captivating because it's so advanced in a modern way (the barrage of TV screens, the Internet, cellular phones, and every other form of hip, instant communication). In fact, the film deserves credit for its initial sense of realism, had it stuck with it throughout, it might have worked as a believable account of man's greatest victory over nature. But this isn't a philosophical picture by any means, it's supposed to be a thrill ride and it does deliver on that promise. The film's hook is truly its biggest flaw, but if the Armageddon is truly impending, we're going to have to make sure it's countered by the most fun-to-watch characters, not ones that might actually be qualified. Dan Truman (Thorton), one of the execs at NASA and advisor to the president realizes in order to stop the asteroid it must be blown up from within, which would require the best drillers in the world. Of course those people would also have to be the most interesting, diverse group of characters in the world, whom we meet early on. Bruce Willis stars as Harry Stamper, a third generation oil driller with just the right amount of muscle, charm, and wit a character like this would have. He's just fired his right-hand man A.J. (Affleck) for sleeping with his daughter Grace (Tyler), and is approached by the Pentagon to lead a team to the asteroid to drill it and blow it up. Of course, with as much money, power, and intellect the government has, they've stolen Stamper's idea for a revolutionary drill and can't figure out how to make it work. Long story short, Stamper agrees to help them out, but only if his crew come along to help. Guess what kind of people make up Stamper's crew? This movie comes to us by some of the people behind "Aliens," "The Rock," and "Con Air," and considering those films, it's no surprise the characters are of the intelligence-light, brawn and rowdiness-heavy sort. They're the last people that should be in charge of saving the world, but that makes them perfect characters for a film like this. They exist for comic relief and an attempt at humanism, and for the most part it works, but the reasoning behind it is still clear as day. They're cardboard cut-outs, which most films like this use, but why there's not enough satire and sense of lightheartedness to not take them seriously. The romantic sub-plot between A.J. and Grace is milked for all its worth and serves mostly as an excuse to photograph Tyler's face at every dramatic angle (and situation) possible, while the dialogue between her and Affleck is quite melodramatic. I'm not even going to get into the supporting characters' personal lives. The first hour of the film has a breezy, but shifty tone to it. One minute the impending doom is played for intensity, the next minute the interaction between Stamper and his crew is played for laughs, and then the romance between A.J. and Grace is played for sap. All of it is watchable and the intense aspects succeed for the most part, but the pacing a bit slow. Once the crew begins training and finally embarks upon their mission is when things really begin to heat up, which is the primary reason the film exists. Action done correctly can be one of the most sensational experiences, and the filmmakers know how to manipulate the audience in this respect. The direction balances the special effects with the events taking place, making for genuine suspense and excitement. The art and production design give the settings a real sense of depth, space, and detail which helps counter some of the wacky plotlines. The hyper editing works with the direction to give the film a raw intensity, but often induces vertigo and seems like a cop-out for lack of script ideas. There's no lack of action at all here, but what prevents the film from taking advantage of its energy is the screenplay itself. Cliffhangers and other major conflicts constantly crop up and compound upon each other, but once they start happening back-to-back (about every two minutes), the level of predictably skyrockets. At nine screenwriters (five credited, four uncredited), the film is clearly over-written which might have been saved had 20 or 30 minutes of the middle and last acts been cut. There's just too much action without reaction here. As the film nears its end it's easy to forgot what the point of the original mission was. Still, "Armageddon" is not without its accolades. The non-stop action is never boring and the effects are mind-blowing, which makes it work at least as eye candy, but as tasty as candy is, it's not very good for you. ****************************************************************** Please visit Chad'z Movie Page at: http://members.aol.com/ChadPolenz - over 200 new and old films reviewed in depth, not just blind ratings and quick capsules. e-mail: ChadPolenz@aol.com (C) 1998 Chad Polenz Member of: The Online Film Critics Society (OFCS) The Internet Movie Critics Association (IMCA) The Online Movie-Goers Academy (OMGA) From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 16 13:20:09 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!erix.ericsson.se!uab.ericsson.se!newsfeed1.telenordia.se!nntp.abs.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!135.173.83.25!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Curtis Edmonds Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 15 Jul 1998 04:44:35 GMT Organization: Hollywood Stock Brokerage & Resource Lines: 121 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ohc3j$11ie$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer16.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900477875 34382 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13261 Keywords: author=edmonds X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer16.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12486 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2015 by Curtis Edmonds -- blueduck@hsbr.org What Armageddon has going for it is The Tears. "The Tears" is the chapter in Tom Wolfe's novel The Right Stuff that describes John Glenn's heroic Mercury orbital flight in 1961 and the stunning, overwhelming reception that he received on his return. "That was what the sight of John Glenn did to Americans at that time," Wolfe writes. "It primed them for the tears. And those tears ran like a river all over America." The Mercury astronauts, Wolfe writes, were glorious Single-Combat Warriors sent into space, armed only with their holy righteous stuff to fight the good fight of the Cold War in space. In Armageddon, the only Russian menace is a leaky space station. The astronauts of Armageddon have "the wrong stuff": they're a relentlessly eccentric rabble of oil field roughnecks. Instead of the rigorous training that the Mercury Seven received, our nation's newest heroes are given a whirlwind orientation through astronaut school, in what's meant to be a gentle parody of the film version of Wolfe's novel. But... they are on a Mission. A holy Mission worthy of the True Brotherhood itself! Yes! There is this asteroid or comet -- anyway, this huge big rock -- that is going to smash poor Dayton and Buffalo and Atlanta and the whole comprehensible world all to flinders. And the mission is to stop it, blow it apart so that the halves don't reach earth... and to do that, you have to launch two next-generation shuttles at the same time.. and refuel at the aforementioned space station... and make a sharp hairpin around the moon... and actually land on this heaving, spinning hurtling rock, full of sharp pointy stalactites... and somehow drill a hole through the iron crust of the rock... and take off again before a white-hot nuclear bomb blows the thing apart and... Yes! Save the planet! And the poor, grateful world watching on CNN while eating their popcorn and Junior Mints... well, what can they do but offer up The Tears at this glorious exhibition of the holy righteous stuff? The problem with Armageddon is this: The sight of Bruce Willis and his oil field Dream Team boarding the space shuttle, risking life and limb on an uncertain outcome, should, in and of itself, be enough to bring on The Tears. Add in the image of the heart-breakingly beautiful Liv Tyler, watching her father (Willis) and her fiancee (Ben Affleck) take off in the heavens, and you've got emotional gold. But for some reason -- and it's the hallmark of the film -- it isn't enough. You've got a perfectly good story here, a perfectly heart-wrenching scene, and it isn't enough for the moviemakers. No, they've got to add in a lot of quick edits of Kodak moments from around the world, they've got to try to blatantly manipulate the audience to bring on The Tears, when the moment was emotionally strong enough to begin with. The motto of Armageddon is: More is Better -- either that, or the old MTV motto, Too Much Is Never Enough. When deep-core driller Harry S. Stamper (Willis) is authorized to bring his crew aboard the space station, naturally, they're not waiting patiently for him back on the oil rig. No, the FBI has to chase them down with helicopters. It's not enough that the astronauts are in plenty of danger on the asteroid, Armageddon has to engineer a showdown between the roughnecks and the shuttle pilot (William Fichtner, looking for all the world like a young Christopher Walken). All through the movie, the director and screenwriters suffer from a lack of faith in the quality of their story, and try to embellish it needlessly. You get the feeling that if producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Michael Bay were in charge of Apollo 13, that they'd have Tom Hanks and his crew fighting off ravenous space serpents on the way to the Moon. The only person in Armageddon who is completely true to the sense of Mission is Bruce Willis. Although Willis is allowed to display some charm and let loose some wisecracks in the early going, once he arrives at the Johnson Space Center, his performance is all business. For some reason, Willis has been trying to put his old happy-go-lucky performances in Moonlighting and Die Hard behind him lately, and that's a shame. Here, Willis is in "deep blue hero" mode the whole way through -- stoic, confident, leadership. He does a good job -- especially in letting his emotional veneer crack at the very end -- but a lot of what makes him a special actor is lost in Armageddon. Billy Bob Thornton plays the leader of Mission Control, and it's very refreshing to see him be given a normal part for once, after years of playing Southern grotesques. He has the same role here that Morgan Freeman had in Deep Impact: he is there to explain what's going on, and he does a good enough job that it's fair to compare him to America's Finest Actor. Thornton makes up for a lot of the movie's charm deficit, and so does Ben Affleck, who is Willis's primary foil. Affleck, for some reason, reminds me a lot of Adam Sandler -- he's got the same sort of innate goofiness about him -- but he manages to be effective as both the romantic lead and the action sidekick. All Liv Tyler is given to do is hang around Mission Control and look dewy-eyed, and this she accomplishes tremendously. Will Patton redeems himself for his part in the debacle that was The Postman with a strong, sad-eyed performance, and Peter Stormare and Steve Buscemi from Fargo team up again to provide much-needed comic relief. (One wonders what the Coen Brothers would have done with this budget and this storyline.) But setting all of the above aside, the real question about Armageddon is whether it delivers the goods as an action movie. The answer to that question is YES, in big Day-Glo orange letters. Armageddon fulfills your every desire for high-quality special effects and top-notch action. In every male reptile brain, there's a longing for thrills and spills and things that go boom and major monuments getting wrecked, and Armageddon specifically and joyfully caters to that basic hunger. However, you've got to have more than that to make a great movie, and Armageddon is so blatantly manipulative and action oriented that it's hard to put it in that class. But if you can't be great, you can at least be entertaining, and Armageddon is mainstream Hollywood entertainment at its finest. Rating: A- -- Curtis Edmonds blueduck@hsbr.org Movie Reviews: http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Curtis+Edmonds Hollywood Stock Exchange: http://www.hsbr.org/brokers/blueduck/ "Baseball should always be played outdoors, on grass, with wooden bats." -- Governor George W. Bush From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 16 13:23:08 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Yen, Homer" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 05:53:37 GMT Organization: None Lines: 60 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok4h1$16e2$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer34.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900568417 39362 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13303 Keywords: author=yen X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer34.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12502 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2019 "Geddon" Less Than Expected by Homer Yen (c) 1998 The second movie featuring a big rock from space has hit movie theatres. But despite the fact that this asteroid is the size of Texas and it's imminent collision with Mother Earth would be so devastating that not even bacteria would live, the movie's impact is surprisingly shallow. Maybe it's because this movie comes only a scant 7 weeks after the release of "Deep Impact", which had a very similar premise. Or, maybe it's because the movie makers tried to make this a fun film, but didn't realize that rescuing humanity is not a lighthearted matter. Whatever the reason, the event that is "Armageddon" fails to live up to its hype. There are only 18 days to impact when NASA learns of the oncoming asteroid (their initial clue is a monstrous meteor shower that pulverizes New York City with an awesome pyrotechnic display). Pressed for time and options, their desperate plan to save mankind is to drill a hole into the core of the asteroid where they will lower and then detonate a nuclear device. If all goes well, the asteroid will split apart and miss the planet entirely. To accomplish this task, they summon Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), the world's foremost deep core driller. He's the kind of man who only trusts himself. He closely guards over his daughter (Liv Tyler) and rejects her wishes to be with fellow oil driller A.J. (Ben Affleck), who is skilled at drilling, but takes unnecessary risks without concern for others. Harry thinks that she deserves someone better than a roughneck. A.J. is just one of a motley crew of roughnecks (all with cool nicknames like Bear, Rockhound, and Chick) that will accompany Harry and make the dangerous journey into space. These guys are truly the wrong stuff and the government expresses deep concern over mission leader and NASA chief Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) for endorsing this plan. But there's no more time, and there are no other options. "Armageddon" is actually a pretty nifty piece of summer fare. It has lots of nice special effects, but isn't overrun by them. The meteor showers are a wondrous spectacle. Their flight to rendezvous with the asteroid is also visually impressive. And the story, for the most part, finds a nice balance between Stamper as leader of the team and leader of his family. Thornton's role is also a nice touch as the quiet hero that tries to rise above the bureaucracy. I also like Tyler's understated courage at a time when the two men that she loves the most may never return. However, this film comes across feeling more like a casual buddy movie rather than a tense thriller. None of Stamper's crew seemed to internalize the importance of the mission. During the journey into space, I kept waiting for one of them to ask if they could drive the space shuttle for a couple of million miles. And for people who are on an asteroid hurtling towards Earth at 22,000 mph, they looked amazingly at ease. Another minus was that scenes on the asteroid moved so fast that I didn't have time to think. Camera shots changed so frequently that the 'moment' couldn't be absorbed. The asteroid sequence in "Deep Impact" was far more exciting and better thought out. "Armageddon" does have its moments filled with courage, spectacle and awe. But the audience just never really has the chance to get involved. Grade: B- From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 16 13:25:20 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: d-thiel@uiuc.edu (David Thiel) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 05:54:53 GMT Organization: WILL AM-FM-TV Lines: 91 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok4jd$18f4$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer12.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900568493 41444 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13313 Keywords: author=thiel X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer12.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12490 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2016 WARNING: SPOILERS abound in this review. If you don't want to know what happens, skip it. *** The more I think about this movie, the less I like it. "Armageddon" compares very unfavorably to this year's *other* asteroid opus, "Deep Impact." That film excelled by using its spectacular special effects sequences sparingly, and allowing room for its characters to ponder the reality of the End of the World. There's no time for pondering--or even rational thought--in "Armageddon." The film bangs, booms and thunders at warp speed, with herky-jerky editing that at times makes it impossible to tell which of Our Heroes has just been impaled by a piece of flying space debris. Just like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" deals with the discovery of an enormous asteroid bearing down on Earth, and involves a mission to land a team of astronauts on the rock, plant a nuclear device and blow the space bogey off-course. However, whereas "Impact" sent an efficient, well-trained group of specialists into orbit, the makers of "Armageddon" thought it would be more fun to charge a crew of incompetent oil-drillers with this all-important responsibility. According to the film, Bruce Willis' gang of unruly drillers is supposed to be the best of the best, but we never see them in that fashion. They dork about with the equipment during training, break a lot of stuff and--the night before the Mission to Save All Life on Earth--they get plastered at a strip club and are arrested. Most of what they accomplish during the course of the film has more to do with blind luck than skill. Actually, most of the characters in this film are incompetent in their own ways. The Russian space station is a floating deathtrap run by a slightly crazed Cold War stereotype. The astronauts attempt to land their shuttles on the asteroid like aircraft, despite the lack of a runway--real astronauts would make a soft landing ala the moon missions. The President of the U.S. decides to detonate the nuke before it's been properly inserted in the core of the rock, despite knowing fully well that a surface explosion would have no effect at all. The mission commander, when attempting to defuse the bomb, doesn't know whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire--absurd, considering that the bomb is one of *ours*. And on and on. While I normally hate it when folks pick on the science in science fiction films, this one got my dander up because of its present-day setting and its use--for the most part--of existing technology. There are such howlers as a pair of space shuttles rounding the moon in what appears to be a matter of moments, rather than days. The asteroid itself is a bizarre, spiky landscape which bears no resemblence to its real-life counterparts. And if the deadly rock is the size of *Texas*, as this one supposedly is, how would a single nuke cause sufficient damage? If you drilled an 800-foot hole into Texas soil and dropped in a bomb, could you split the Lone Star State in half? Any why 800 feet? Near the end of the film, there's a big hoo-ha about reaching the magic 800 foot depth. Wouldn't 797 feet have sufficed? No one in the film seems concerned that if one could split an asteroid the size of Texas, pieces the size of Dallas/Ft. Worth would likely rain down on our heads. And what of the other house-sized rocks that appear to be flying in the wake of the big one? Apparently, they're just for show. The characters aren't much to care about, and indeed, they don't seem to care much either. With the end of humanity in the balance, there's never a sense that Our Heroes are worried about anything other than their own skins (or the prospect of never having to pay taxes again). In the big climax, with just seconds left to the Point of No Return, Bruce Willis' character takes time out from popping the nuke to make a lengthy, allegedly touching speech--never mind the fact that we've seen plenty of examples of sudden death in the hostile asteroid environment. What if, mid-speech, a flying chunk of gravel took his head clean off? I don't think the population of Earth would be happy about that--though at least it'd get him to shut up. Oh, it's not all bad. There's some funny dialogue, most of it coming from the ever-buggy Steve Buscemi. (However, there's a shot angled up inside Buscemi's snaggly mouth which gave me the willies.) The destruction scenes--though all too obviously computer effects--are nicely realized. But when all was said and done, I found myself strangely unmoved--neither thrilled by the out-of-this-world heroics nor relieved at the ultimate survival of the species. Even a selfless sacrifice in the film's final moments didn't affect me in the same way as a similar sequence in "Deep Impact." The short of it? If you want to see an asteroid movie and haven't seen "Deep Impact," do so while it's still on the big screen. "Armageddon"'s effects benefit from the theater experience as well, but if you wait for home video, you'll at least have a fast-forward button. David Thiel / Champaign, Illinois 1:1 E-mail: d-thiel@uiuc.edu WWW: http://www.prairienet.org/~drthiel/homepage.html From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 16 13:27:41 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: syegul@cablehouse.dyn.ml.org (Serdar Yegulalp) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 05:54:21 GMT Organization: Deja News - The Leader in Internet Discussion Lines: 79 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok4id$18em$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer33.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900568461 41430 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13309 Keywords: author=yegulalp X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer33.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12491 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2017 Armageddon * 1/2 A movie review by Serdar Yegulalp (C) 1998 by Serdar Yegulalp ARMAGEDDON is a one-hundred-and-fifty-minute migraine headache. It classifies less as a form of entertainment than as a new kind of corporal punishment. It's so meat-headedly macho it should come with its own brand of deodorant. People have chided me for being so put off by this movie. I know, I know; they're trying to achieve a heroic level of proportions with their characters and their material. Fine, it's over-the-top, but it's still a crummy movie: loud, clichéd, dramatically uninteresting, and just plain painful to sit through. Here is a movie that employed NINE writers, who collectively didn't even add up to one good one. Maybe they should have improvised? After an opening scene where the planet gets peppered with cosmic hail (which somehow manage to unerringly obliterate nothing but national monuments and a satellite), NASA specialist Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) gets the facts together: an asteroid -- or a comet, even the movie's promotional material seemed confused about that part -- the size of Texas is headed for Earth. To save the planet, Truman eventually decides to recruit a deep-core drilling team to plant a nuke in the heart of the asteroid/comet/whatever and blow it to pieces. The head of the team, Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) gets yanked off his rig while chasing around one of his co-workers, A.J. (Ben Affleck) with a pump-action shotgun. See, A.J. was sleeping with his daughter (Liv Tyler), and, see, Dad's still real protective of her despite the fact she's grown up, and are you squirming in your chair yet? I mentioned macho. Not just in the script, either (since Liv Tyler is one of the two, maybe three women in the movie who get any dialogue at all). EVERYTHING in this movie comes accompanied with gut-rupturing sub-bass audio effects. At one point we get treated to a closeup of a DIGITAL READOUT, and each "tick" of the clock is "realized" on the soundtrack with the sound of a thousand car doors slamming. Idiotic. There's more slow motion in this film than in a *dozen* John Woo movies. Helicopters, police cruisers, spaceships, and human figures are perpetually stamped out against a setting sun. Every outdoor shot is steeped in golds and yellows. It's like a goddamn Marlboro ad on mescaline. (And oh yeah, there's a cheap shot at Godzilla they probably threw in at the last possible second.) It gets worse. Michael Bay has taken all of this and clipped it together with an editing style so nervous and unsettled that we don't look at anything for more than three seconds at a time. After a few minutes, I remembered that the original cut had clocked in at something like over three hours (God help us all), and that the frantic, first-here-now-there editing may have been less a strategy than a salvage job, a way to pull an even more bloated and unwieldy whole into something vaguely resembling a digestible product. It doesn't work. Thornton is the best thing in the movie. He plays a character who is interesting to watch and listen to, but most importantly, he keeps a stright face during scenes where the only one keeping a straight face would have been a corpse. Tyler plays the movie like a good sport, weeping and giggling on cue -- like in a "romantic" scene where Affleck tickles Tyler with animal crackers. Willis does his usual steely-eyed job, which made me all the more nostalgic for his hurt-and-alone performance in 12 MONKEYS. I still insist that no actor, however skilled, can survive lines like "Mom didn't leave you -- she left both of us!" And then we have the effects. This is, I believe, the third time in a row this year I've seen the Chrysler building trashed. Many of the effects are impressive (albeit moronically conceived and staged), but there are only so many ways you can nuke New York -- or Paris, or Singapore, or the whole of the globe. Also, many of the images are informed by moronic sensibilities -- the material with the space-dock, for instance, or the vast majority of the shuttle flight, which has the ships flitting around like the paper airplaines over Mom's bedspread in a student sci-fi film. Or a space station that takes way too long to blow up. Or an asteroid that conveniently has gravity when the heroes need it and doesn't when they don't. And so on. John Waters once said he would have loved to do a movie where everything was fake -- grass, trees, flowers, sun, everything. This is that movie. Too bad he didn't direct it. -----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==----- http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Jul 16 13:29:14 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: redman@bvoice.com (Michael Redman) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 06:09:14 GMT Organization: ... Lines: 113 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok5ea$k10$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: redman@bvoice.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer38.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900569354 20512 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13323 Keywords: author=redman X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer38.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12499 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2018 Another guilty pleasure Armageddon A Film Review By Michael Redman Copyright 1998 By Michael Redman *** (Out of ****) Guilty pleasures are secret little joys of life. Things that we're not supposed to enjoy because they're not hip and they're certainly not good for us. Velveeta cheese, Reeses Cups, silly sit-coms. We sneak these in every once and a while but don't mention them as we're munching brie and imported chocolate while discussing PBS specials. Here's my confession: "Armageddon" is great fun. It's as intelligent as a Twinkie, but, ohhhh, that cream filling! An asteroid the size of Texas is hurling towards Earth and we have 18 days to do something about it. A "Global Killer", it will wipe out all life on the planet -- not even bacteria will survive. Not to worry though, NASA has a plan. They're going to land on the rock, drill 800 feet into it, stuff a couple of nukes down the hole and split the thing in half sending it away from our lovely home world. Their problem is that the trained astronauts don't have much hole-digging experience. Agency head Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) turns to the best oil man on the planet, cantankerous Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis). Stamper brings in his team of misfits to learn how to be outer space heroes and they're a not exactly the guys that NASA would have picked to stick in the shuttle to save the world. As one of the legit astronauts says, "Talk about the wrong stuff." It's the usual "Dirty Dozen" gang: AJ (Ben Affleck), the young headstrong rebel; Chick (Will Patton), a gambler with a child who doesn't know him; Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), the genius crazed lothario; and the rest of the rag-tag cowboys you've come to expect -- the muscular black guy, the gentle fat guy and more. After some fun and games at NASA, they blast off in two shuttles piloted by real astronauts. Refueling at a Russian space station they pick up a loony cosmonaut who has been alone a bit too long as the station explodes into flames. When they get to the asteroid, everything that could possibly go wrong does as they fight the doomsday clock. Bet you didn't see that coming. There's remarkably little story and virtually no characterization. Stamper isn't even as filled out as Willis' usual characters are. All the drillers are cartoon people. We're supposed to get to know them in the very few moments devoted to bringing them to life in the two and a half hour film. There are two chances to identify them. When they are picked up by G-men for the mission each is doing something that is supposed to help us figure out who they are. Rockhound is propositioning a married woman in a sleazy New Orleans bar, someone is out in the desert on a big motorcycle outrunning the cops. Later, just before blast-off, they get a night off. Chick visits his estranged kid, most of the rest get into a bar fight. But it doesn't work. At one point, several characters die. After the film, we tried to figure out who they were, but no one could remember. They were not people, just bodies. AJ and Stamper's daughter Grace (Liv Tyler) are in love much to her daddy's displeasure. Their romance adds a touch of humanity to the film, but just a touch. Mostly she hangs around Mission Control doe-eyed, sobbing about the danger that her father and fiance are in. During the first half of the film, Thornton is such a stand-out that the other actors pale by comparison. Cast against his previous redneck roles, he does a fine job as the harried NASA chief who yearns for space. The movie is filled with bad science (some objects on the asteroid act as if they were in Earth's gravity), incomprehensible ideas (NASA sends giant machine guns into space?) and cinematic cliches (in disarming a bomb, do they cut the blue wire or the red one?). Everything...let me repeat that... _everything_ is done at absolutely the last possible second. And you can tell by the digital readouts. But, you know, who cares? The special effects are amazing. When relatively little meteors hit New York, buildings get blown up real good. (The Chrysler Building is taken out yet again.) Paris is spectacularly vaporized. There are enough explosions and fire to satisfy anyone. Director Michael Bay ("The Rock") used to direct music videos and commercials and it shows. There's seemingly an edit every two seconds which works well to create an intense feeling of excitement and hide the lack of story. It does makes things confusing. In several scenes, it's difficult to figure out exactly what is going on. Who is where? What is what? As fun as it is, "Armageddon" is only one-third of a movie. The earlier death-from-the-sky film "Deep Impact" was more intellectually satisfying but lacking any sense of excitement. Both are peopled with characters that you don't really care about. Once again we are left to wonder why someone can't make an edge of the seat movie that makes sense and features real people. It's traditional that, at the end of each century, the doomsday prophets appear in full-force. As we approach the end of this millennium, our story-tellers are giving us what we want. Some say the end of the world will come in fire, others say water. Hollywood says giant rocks from above. The most interesting theory is that our way of life will radically change not with a bang, but with the gentle double-zero. (Michael Redman has been writing this column for over 23 years and he's thinking about making a fried baloney and Velveeta sandwich on white bread, but don't tell anyone. Redman@bvoice.com is the eaddress for confessing your guilty pleasures.) [This appeared in the 7/9/98 "Bloomington Voice", Bloomington, Indiana. Michael Redman can be contacted at redman@bvoice.com] -- mailto:redman@bvoice.com This week's film review at http://www.bvoice.com/ Film reviews archive at http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Michael%20Redman From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Jul 17 12:19:31 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: number.6@mindspring.com (John W. Collins) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 05:54:46 GMT Organization: MindSpring Enterprises Lines: 105 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok4j6$18f2$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: number.6@mindspring.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900568486 41442 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13312 Keywords: author=collins X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12510 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2022 A Review From the Middle Seat Center There is a widely held theory that a giant meteor slammed into the Earth, 65 million years ago and knocked the dinosaurs off their high perch as the dominant species of this planet. There is also a widely held belief that one day another meteor will strike and knock Man from that same lofty position. The first is just a theory that has never really been proven as fact, and the latter is just idle speculation. But while we are on the subjects of theories and speculations, I would like to discuss another theory that is gaining popularity and acceptance. This new train of thought is not coming out of such distinguished places as MIT, or Stanford, but out of Hollywood. That is the theory that if you can dazzle your audience with enough special effects, fast-paced editing, loud enough soundtracks, and constant camera movements, you can convince them that instead of seeing something that is substandard, they are really seeing something great; something that they can sit and stare in awe at; something that they can recommend to their friends to do too. Unfortunately, for us, the movie-going-public, many studios, producers, directors, and to some extent, writers, are moving forward with this theory and trying to prove it as fact. Touchtone pictures just spent 140 million dollars and exposed two-and-a-half hours of film stock to try and prove this Hollywood hypothesis by bringing us, ARMAGEDDON. Directed by Michael Bay(BAD BOYS, THE ROCK)and staring action hero icon, Bruce Willis, ARMAGEDDON is a special effects filled, high octane thrill ride where images are thrown at you almost at the speed at which the meteor in the film is approaching Earth at, 27,000 miles per hour. Then thanks to the fast-paced editing and a camera that hardly ever stays in one place for more than a few seconds, these visuals are gone in the blink of an eye, thus giving the illusion that something spectacular and exciting is happening up on the screen when it is all just smoke and mirrors. Sadly, this is what is happening in ARMAGEDDON.Unlike its predecessor, DEEP IMPACT, this "mankind is doomed" tale relied on its special effects and directorial style to tell its story, rather than its characters. After an orbiting space shuttle and parts of New York City are destroyed by a hail of meteors the size of basketballs and small cars, NASA realizes that that was just a precursor and that another meteor the size of Texas will arrive in just 15 days and end Man's reign on Earth. Our only hope is to land a team of deep-core drillers on the space rock, drill an 800-foot deep hole, drop a nuke in it, then leave and detonate from a safe distance. Simple. Right? Of course, Willis is the best driller on the planet and is tapped to do the job. After insisting that he take his own team, we are introduced to a group of cliched, social misfits that are far from having the "Right Stuff." The group consists of: the young hot shot(played by Ben Affleck)that is also involved in a weak subplot romance with Willis' daughter(played by Liv Tyler), the loyal best friend, the comedy relief character, the token black, the loveable fat guy, and a couple of throw away characters that you know won't last long after the mission begins. We also pick up a kooky Russian cosmonaut along the way. But the cliches don't end there. Once the mission is underway, everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. More than once we hear that the mission has failed and that Earth is doomed. At one point, CNN goes off the air so they can be with their families. We get everything: they landed at the wrong site and the rock there will be tougher to drill through, the surface of the meteor is breaking up around them, they are running out of drill heads and transmissions, the time to safely explode the bomb so the meteor will be split in half and miss the Earth is running out, and the shuttle will not start when it is time to haul ass.And that is just a few. There is even a series of events on the ground where the old "scientists vs. the mility" senario is played out. Then there is an ending that anyone with half a brain can see coming a mile away. What all this boils down to is poor script writing. Not only is the script full of cliches, but they are plot holes big enough for this Texas-sized meteor to pass through. It has been reported that at least nine writers contributed to the script. Never a good sign. But as we discussed earlier, the thinking is you can cover all this up with dazzling special effects, fast editing, and dizzying camera movements. But while that is fun and exciting to look at, it is lazy film making. The story should be first and foremost and the rest should be used to enhance that story. It is on this point that ARMAGEDDON failed and DEEP IMPACT succeeded. The latter was character driven. While ARMAGEDDON was character driven to a small degree(especially at the end), it was a road we had all been down many times before. There is a line in the movie where after seeing the motley crew that has been assembled to save the world, someone says, "Is that the best you could do?" After seeing ARMAGEDDON, we should be asking the same of the director and screen writers. Staring: Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Billy Bob Thornton, Will Patton, and Steve Buscemi. Rated PG-13 for intense situations I Give it ** out of a possible four. That was the view from The Middle Seat Center. John Collins From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Jul 17 12:21:26 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!135.173.83.25!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Mario Muredda Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 06:08:37 GMT Organization: University of Washington Lines: 74 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok5d5$k0k$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: mario@tyenet.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer34.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900569317 20500 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13318 Keywords: author=muredda X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer34.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12512 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2023 **1/2 out of **** Ahh, the elusive summer movie. Expectations run dry, and mindless moviegoers scurry to theatres in delight. If you are one of those mindless moviegoers, odds are, you have seen Armageddon. Certainly a loud film, a truly neccessary quality in order to be a summer blockbuster, Armageddon will please its targeted audience, and disapoint everyone else, to my understanding. I went to this film with an open mind, and expected the worst, and surprisingly, I didn't get it. What I did get though, (and pardon my being harsh,) was a loud, obnoxious, and relatively stupid film, that is Armageddon. After seeing that, one may wonder, "Where does the **1/2 come from?" It comes from the (and this time, pardon my being cheesy) heart. Even though I am almost certain you have all ran screaming for the back button by now, I have an explanation. In Deep Impact, the emotion was almost impossible to relate to. All of the characters were so cheap and terrible. In Armageddon, people may say, "Oh, those are just 'wooden' performances", while I say, no, they were normal people, portraying normal people, not going for amazing acting, not even trying to act, the true gift of real actors. Most people will either think I am crazy, or simply refering to the Affleck/Tyler relationship. Nope. In fact I thought that was one of the most distracting storylines in the film, after all, it involved Bruce Willis chasing after the person he "loves like a son" with a shotgun scene. There was only 10 minutes focus on that story, and neither actor nor actress could pull it off believably. Sorry Liv and Ben. Anyway, I thought the Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler subplot was the best, because, they made an icredibly believeable family on their own, minus, the cornballish, "goodbye" scene at the end. Don't worry, I spoiled nothing, you can see it coming 150 minutes before it comes (Hmm...the film's running time. Coincidence? I shit you not.) Well, onto the big guns now. The action packed scenes are where the thumbs down comes in. Stupid and unrealistic, these may make you go deaf for the purpose of keeping you in the theatre. While a few of these sequences may actually be entertaing, some are completely oblivious to the fact, that they are making absolutely no sense, such as one on a refuelling station in space that serves for no purpose but to get the shit blown out of it. Steve Buscemi delivers the same old performance, that got a few laughs out of me, while Bruce Willis is always a cocky, ballzy, tough as nails character that we all want to see kick a comet's tail. Liv Tyler is hot (I mean come on, is there any other reason for her being here, aside from Mr. Big Lips himself, no not Mick Jagger, landing her a job on THE money maker of the summer?), and Ben Affleck lacks the charm he carried in Good Will Hunting (THE best film of all time) Another minus though I have to say before closing was stealing from former blockbusters, and from not so blockbusters, (almost lifting a few lines of dialogue directly out of Batman and Robin) Well, that's it. Aremageddon: 6.5/10, Deep Impact: 7/10. Looks like the firstborn is triumphant. If only that would be the case in the box office! Angelo Muredda From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Jul 17 12:22:19 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Mark O'Hara" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 16 Jul 1998 06:09:33 GMT Organization: None Lines: 88 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ok5et$8h8$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900569373 8744 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13326 Keywords: author=o'hara X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12513 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2024 Thanks for the message about my X Files review. Enclosed is one for ARMAGEDDON. Armageddon (1998) a Film Review by Mark O'Hara When ARMAGEDDON opened on July 1, my son and I visited the only cinema in our small city. We entered the largest auditorium, which was the original theater, circa 1930's. (Three much smaller screens were added recently to please the college crowd.) For close to two hours we viewed the film, watching as NASA discovered they had 18 days to figure a way to save the planet from an asteroid the size of Texas; we followed the escapades of the world's best oil-drilling crew, led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), as they hurriedly trained to drill 800 feet into the asteroid and plant a warhead. We arrived almost at the climax, both space shuttle crews coping with crises in outer space. Then the projector quit! Rather, the sound quit first, and we were treated to the amplified banter of the teenage staff until they realized the problem and killed the projector. We were glad finally when the harried manager refunded our money; they had monkeyed around so much, restarting the film and failing for over half an hour, that the narrative had lost all continuity for us. So when we tried again today in a multiplex in the county seat, we knew most of what we would see. And hear. First of all, ARMAGEDDON is very loud, especially on state-of-the-art sound systems. Starting with the title sequence, the fiery pieces of "ARMAGEDDON" break up and rush toward the viewer with menacing racket. The explosions are deafening as well: but they occur in context, and count as a convincing part of very slick special effects. What I noticed during both viewing attempts was the bad science that happened each time large objects rushed through the vacuum of space. They groaned and galumphed past each other like mad Jabberwocks, the space rock past the moon, the shuttles past the camera's eye -- whooshes engineered to inspire awe. Then there is the trite characterization. Having already met most of the deep-sea drillers when Harry chases A. J. Frost (Ben Affleck) around after finding him with daughter Grace (Liv Tyler), we are subjected to countless scenes in which each crew member's eccentricities are further highlighted. Moreover, we must sit through almost remedial explanations of space protocol, including Dan Truman's (Billy Bob Thornton) spelling out of the exact mission. Apparently director Michael Bay and the multiple writers forgot that APOLLO 13 educated movie-goers about sling-shotting around the moon, as well as about the particulars of gravity. The acting does not draw as many complaints. Bruce Willis plays a very likable drilling expert, a leader well-liked by his crew. His timing seems especially good during the action sequences. Only toward the end, when Stamper has no less than two tear-jerking scenes that rival the sentimental schlock of Forrest Gump's talking to Jenny's gravestone, is the acting over the top. And that is the script's fault. Rock-faced Billy Bob Thornton smiles only a few times, but manages a solid and sympathetic performance. Liv Tyler, the only female aside from a token, beautiful astronaut, acts well off Harry and off her love interest, A. J., her wide lips alternately pouting and puckering. William Fichtner plays Colonel Willie Sharp, the shuttle pilot charged with ensuring the success of the mission, with expert coldness; he's the closest to a human villain, though he reminded me of the psychotic SEAL in THE ABYSS. Other strong points are editing and cinematography. From sweeps around the NASA conference room to quick close-ups, from split-second backgrounds (that was Michael Bay in one, no?) to the simulated, striking aerial view of the double launch, the camera work tells the story with stylistic, often frenetic motion. Once again, though, the script intrudes: the result, well-shot but terribly clichéd montages, many showing Bay's vision of a type of classic America, people listening to news of the catastrophe, gathered in a Mayberry-like barber shop or sitting in vintage pickups, near American flags and farmhouses. In one shot a group of boys even runs past a clapboard store sporting a faded campaign mural of JFK! I got the notion I was back in the first days of the old theater, and could walk out into the slightly fuzzy, pure American air, the dust motes of nostalgia floating around me. I enjoyed the ending more than I thought I would, after seeing the beginning and middle twice. ARMAGEDDON is just above average as summer entertainment, but I would advise finding a theatre that is neither too cold nor too loud, and that owns a projector with a fully functioning platter system. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 12:57:18 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news.algonet.se!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!135.173.83.25!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: brianlt@aloha.net (Brian Takeshita) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 04:59:21 GMT Organization: Hawaii OnLine - Honolulu, HI Lines: 141 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ouir9$j32$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer22.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900910761 19554 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13361 Keywords: author=takeshita X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer22.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12536 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2026 ARMAGEDDON A Film Review by Brian Takeshita Rating: ** out of **** Naturally, there are a lot of expectations surrounding a film starring Bruce Willis, directed by Michael Bay, and produced by Gale Anne Hurd and Jerry Bruckheimer, because it has "summer action blockbuster" written all over it. ARMAGEDDON is the second movie this year to feature a plot involving a big rock hurtling through space to destroy the earth, and a plan to land on the rock, drill into it, and blow it up with nuclear weapons before it hits. The first film, DEEP IMPACT, was disappointing enough that expectations for ARMAGEDDON have run even higher. We start out when NASA, under the direction of Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton), discovers an asteroid the size of Texas which will impact the earth in only 16 days. Briefing the president, Truman explains that the asteroid is what they call a "planet killer" which would destroy all life; not even bacteria would survive. To divert the oncoming menace, NASA decides to send a bunch of oil drillers, led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), into space to blow the asteroid into two pieces. Scientists calculate the pieces would miss the planet, and life could continue. Stamper's oil drillers are not your average astronaut material, since they are your average movie stereotype roughnecks. Not much discipline, trouble with the law, that sort of thing, and ARMAGEDDON plays the "fish out of water" angle like you would expect. There are the scenes where they go through testing, training, and meet the "real" astronauts. It's all pretty amusing, especially a sequence showing how each of them react to one of those Rorschach ink blot tests. They don't disappoint in delivery of humorous quips, either. When they finally blast off, one of them says how incredible it is, and another replies, "And this is only the beginning of space. We haven't even gotten into OUTER space yet!" The problem is, it's not very original. The group reminded me somewhat of the band of veterans Gene Hackman assembles in UNCOMMON VALOR. A few of the cast members even look like them. Willis has played the tough guy for a long time now, so this role isn't too much of a stretch for him. The hardest part in playing Stamper is trying to keep a Texas accent, which seems to move in and out of Willis's vocal range. A little different, though, is that Stamper is the father of a full grown daughter, Grace (Liv Tyler), who is love with A.J. Frost (Ben Affleck), one of the best drillers on the team. This gives Willis a lot of "I'm your father"-type lines, in addition to the "I'm out here to save the world" lines. I'm sure the scenes Affleck shares with Tyler will be appealing to most women. He's a handsome guy, and the movie does a lot to show him doing those romantic things women love, like taking Grace on a picnic in the middle of nowhere, and singing to her in front of a volume of people. Guys will probably think he's a schmuck. Combined with his action sequences, Affleck proves himself a versatile actor, but there just isn't enough to his character to make him really likable. If he were to disappear three-quarters of the way through the movie, he probably wouldn't be missed. Whereas Affleck may be versatile, Liv Tyler has only two faces: Pouty and pensive. She's nice on the eyes, but her acting is relatively flat, and that look like she's going to bite her lip anytime now gets old real fast. There's also a couple of scenes where she just wigs out, and I can't characterize them as anything less than annoying. Perhaps the best performance is given by Billy Bob Thornton, whose acting is solid. The scriptwriters also deserve credit for making Truman a character with depth, considering it could have easily been a very thankless role. The special effects work about half the time. When the drilling crew takes off in two newly designed space shuttles, the launch sequence is very gripping. Just getting it to look like there is a second launchpad at Kennedy Space Center was good enough for me, but the power and dazzle of the boosters igniting has to be seen. Scenes where much smaller asteroid fragments strike the earth also look extremely realistic. Anything involving the asteroid, however, is throwaway. It's too dark, vague, cluttered, and amorphous, and since we don't have any concept of scale, it ends up being relatively unimpressive. When the biggest menace in your summer action blockbuster looks like something the cat coughed up, that's bad. While I wouldn't say the action is non-stop, Bay keeps the movie going at a good pace and continuously gives us something to look at, be it the asteroid, the space shuttles, or Liv Tyler. Unfortunately, the action itself is often undermined by not being able to fully see what's going on in a shot (most of the scenes on the asteroid are in darkness), or by the ambiguity of why something is supposed to be dangerous. "Drilling is an art form," a character says. Apparently, like art, it is not easily explained. Half the time I didn't know what was going on, and therefore didn't know why the drill started shaking, and therefore didn't know why everyone was getting so excited. When the action in you summer action blockbuster is too confusing, that's bad. Many parts of ARMAGEDDON were apparently photographed to produce what I call "The Bruckheimer Look". Graduated filters are used to make the skies more blue, or bluish-purple, while everything under it is shaded with similar enhancing colors. You see it in just about all the Bruckheimer-produced films, like TOP GUN and THE ROCK. There are also a lot of scenes meant to show the beauty and variations of humanity: Kids running, old men looking out of windows, Hindu masses bowing in the courtyard of a temple - all in slow motion. It looks a lot like a credit card or soft drink commercial, or perhaps a music video. Not surprisingly, Michael Bay directed a lot of both of those before coming to film. My suggestion: Learn new techniques. When your summer action blockbuster looks like a commercial, that's bad. Action movies are usually notorious for their lack of logic, and this film is no exception. Our heroes have to drill only 800 feet so a nuclear warhead can split the Texas-sized asteroid in two? I don't think the physics work out. How convenient is it, that NASA just happens to have two (not one, but two) secret prototype space shuttles ready just in time? Why were they secret, anyway? When the main characters go into space, they take large auto-cannons with them. Just whom, may I ask, are they expecting to use them on? Okay, the 16 days to impact thing? I have to give them credit for this one. When asked why they didn't detect the asteroid sooner, NASA's response is that the pathetic funding for astromonitoring is only enough to cover about three percent of space. Take that, balanced budget. Although the film isn't as engaging as expected, we are thrown a couple of treats. One of the mission control technicians Truman depends upon to make a key transmission is named Vossler. The radio technician aboard the USS Alabama in CRIMSON TIDE, another movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, was also named Vossler. One of the astronauts on Stamper's shuttle is named Gruber. The villains in two of the DIE HARD movies, starring Bruce Willis, were also named Gruber. You've got to watch for these things, folks. They happen a lot more often than you think. Oh, one more: The two main characters are named Harry S. Stamper, and Dan Truman. Harry S. and Truman. Neat, huh? Review posted July 10, 1998 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 12:59:33 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news.algonet.se!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!135.173.83.25!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: brianlt@aloha.net (Brian Takeshita) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 04:59:21 GMT Organization: Hawaii OnLine - Honolulu, HI Lines: 141 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ouir9$j32$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer22.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900910761 19554 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13361 Keywords: author=takeshita X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer22.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12536 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2026 ARMAGEDDON A Film Review by Brian Takeshita Rating: ** out of **** Naturally, there are a lot of expectations surrounding a film starring Bruce Willis, directed by Michael Bay, and produced by Gale Anne Hurd and Jerry Bruckheimer, because it has "summer action blockbuster" written all over it. ARMAGEDDON is the second movie this year to feature a plot involving a big rock hurtling through space to destroy the earth, and a plan to land on the rock, drill into it, and blow it up with nuclear weapons before it hits. The first film, DEEP IMPACT, was disappointing enough that expectations for ARMAGEDDON have run even higher. We start out when NASA, under the direction of Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton), discovers an asteroid the size of Texas which will impact the earth in only 16 days. Briefing the president, Truman explains that the asteroid is what they call a "planet killer" which would destroy all life; not even bacteria would survive. To divert the oncoming menace, NASA decides to send a bunch of oil drillers, led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), into space to blow the asteroid into two pieces. Scientists calculate the pieces would miss the planet, and life could continue. Stamper's oil drillers are not your average astronaut material, since they are your average movie stereotype roughnecks. Not much discipline, trouble with the law, that sort of thing, and ARMAGEDDON plays the "fish out of water" angle like you would expect. There are the scenes where they go through testing, training, and meet the "real" astronauts. It's all pretty amusing, especially a sequence showing how each of them react to one of those Rorschach ink blot tests. They don't disappoint in delivery of humorous quips, either. When they finally blast off, one of them says how incredible it is, and another replies, "And this is only the beginning of space. We haven't even gotten into OUTER space yet!" The problem is, it's not very original. The group reminded me somewhat of the band of veterans Gene Hackman assembles in UNCOMMON VALOR. A few of the cast members even look like them. Willis has played the tough guy for a long time now, so this role isn't too much of a stretch for him. The hardest part in playing Stamper is trying to keep a Texas accent, which seems to move in and out of Willis's vocal range. A little different, though, is that Stamper is the father of a full grown daughter, Grace (Liv Tyler), who is love with A.J. Frost (Ben Affleck), one of the best drillers on the team. This gives Willis a lot of "I'm your father"-type lines, in addition to the "I'm out here to save the world" lines. I'm sure the scenes Affleck shares with Tyler will be appealing to most women. He's a handsome guy, and the movie does a lot to show him doing those romantic things women love, like taking Grace on a picnic in the middle of nowhere, and singing to her in front of a volume of people. Guys will probably think he's a schmuck. Combined with his action sequences, Affleck proves himself a versatile actor, but there just isn't enough to his character to make him really likable. If he were to disappear three-quarters of the way through the movie, he probably wouldn't be missed. Whereas Affleck may be versatile, Liv Tyler has only two faces: Pouty and pensive. She's nice on the eyes, but her acting is relatively flat, and that look like she's going to bite her lip anytime now gets old real fast. There's also a couple of scenes where she just wigs out, and I can't characterize them as anything less than annoying. Perhaps the best performance is given by Billy Bob Thornton, whose acting is solid. The scriptwriters also deserve credit for making Truman a character with depth, considering it could have easily been a very thankless role. The special effects work about half the time. When the drilling crew takes off in two newly designed space shuttles, the launch sequence is very gripping. Just getting it to look like there is a second launchpad at Kennedy Space Center was good enough for me, but the power and dazzle of the boosters igniting has to be seen. Scenes where much smaller asteroid fragments strike the earth also look extremely realistic. Anything involving the asteroid, however, is throwaway. It's too dark, vague, cluttered, and amorphous, and since we don't have any concept of scale, it ends up being relatively unimpressive. When the biggest menace in your summer action blockbuster looks like something the cat coughed up, that's bad. While I wouldn't say the action is non-stop, Bay keeps the movie going at a good pace and continuously gives us something to look at, be it the asteroid, the space shuttles, or Liv Tyler. Unfortunately, the action itself is often undermined by not being able to fully see what's going on in a shot (most of the scenes on the asteroid are in darkness), or by the ambiguity of why something is supposed to be dangerous. "Drilling is an art form," a character says. Apparently, like art, it is not easily explained. Half the time I didn't know what was going on, and therefore didn't know why the drill started shaking, and therefore didn't know why everyone was getting so excited. When the action in you summer action blockbuster is too confusing, that's bad. Many parts of ARMAGEDDON were apparently photographed to produce what I call "The Bruckheimer Look". Graduated filters are used to make the skies more blue, or bluish-purple, while everything under it is shaded with similar enhancing colors. You see it in just about all the Bruckheimer-produced films, like TOP GUN and THE ROCK. There are also a lot of scenes meant to show the beauty and variations of humanity: Kids running, old men looking out of windows, Hindu masses bowing in the courtyard of a temple - all in slow motion. It looks a lot like a credit card or soft drink commercial, or perhaps a music video. Not surprisingly, Michael Bay directed a lot of both of those before coming to film. My suggestion: Learn new techniques. When your summer action blockbuster looks like a commercial, that's bad. Action movies are usually notorious for their lack of logic, and this film is no exception. Our heroes have to drill only 800 feet so a nuclear warhead can split the Texas-sized asteroid in two? I don't think the physics work out. How convenient is it, that NASA just happens to have two (not one, but two) secret prototype space shuttles ready just in time? Why were they secret, anyway? When the main characters go into space, they take large auto-cannons with them. Just whom, may I ask, are they expecting to use them on? Okay, the 16 days to impact thing? I have to give them credit for this one. When asked why they didn't detect the asteroid sooner, NASA's response is that the pathetic funding for astromonitoring is only enough to cover about three percent of space. Take that, balanced budget. Although the film isn't as engaging as expected, we are thrown a couple of treats. One of the mission control technicians Truman depends upon to make a key transmission is named Vossler. The radio technician aboard the USS Alabama in CRIMSON TIDE, another movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, was also named Vossler. One of the astronauts on Stamper's shuttle is named Gruber. The villains in two of the DIE HARD movies, starring Bruce Willis, were also named Gruber. You've got to watch for these things, folks. They happen a lot more often than you think. Oh, one more: The two main characters are named Harry S. Stamper, and Dan Truman. Harry S. and Truman. Neat, huh? Review posted July 10, 1998 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:00:40 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!135.173.83.25!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: jbarlow@earthling.net ("Average Joe" Barlow) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:00:30 GMT Organization: iPass.Net Lines: 110 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ouite$14sm$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer26.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900910830 37782 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13372 Keywords: author=barlow X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer26.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12540 rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc:212624 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2027 Armageddon A movie review by "Average Joe" Barlow (c) Copyright 1998 STARRING: Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Duncan DIRECTOR: Michael Bay WRITERS: Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno RATED/YEAR: PG-13/1998 "Armageddon" is the latest in a recent flood of films about big rocks striking the Earth, a subject Hollywood can't seem to get enough of. Roger Corman, known primarily for his many low-budget horror films of the '50s, began the trend with last year's TV mini-series, "Asteroid." This summer has already seen the release of "Deep Impact," and while "Armageddon" is a better film than either of its predecessers, it may nonetheless be too little too late to satisfy movie-goers. The story is straightforward enough. Several small meteorites have struck New York City, causing extensive damage to life and property. NASA discovers that these small rocks are but a prelude: an asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. The rock's size means that it's a "planet killer," with the potential to destroy all life on Earth, right down to the bacteria. Realising that no amount of weapons fired from the Earth's surface will stop the asteroid, NASA chairman Dan Truman (an excellent Billy Bob Thornton) sends a team to intercept it. Their mission: drill 8OO feet into the surface of the rock, plant a nuclear bomb inside, then detonate it once they are safely away. The resulting explosion should split the asteroid in two, causing it to miss the Earth. Bruce Willis (Die Hard) plays oil-driller Harry Stamper, recruited to head the mission because of his expertise drilling into unusual types of rock. Also along for the ride are A.J. (Ben Affleck), Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), Bear (Michael Duncan) and several other professional drillers. Although the team doesn't particularly like each other, they are forced to work together against a common obstacle. Since this is a Hollywood film, the act naturally brings them closer together. This should be a compelling story in its own right, but director Michael Bay and screenwriters Gilroy and Salerno don't seem sure of their ability to make it interesting; as such, they throw tons of ridiculous subplots into the mix. This is the sort of film where if there's even the slightest chance for something to go wrong, it will. So naturally the drill gets stuck, the timer on the nuclear bomb doesn't work, levers break off in our heroes' hands at critical times for no particular reason... well, you get the idea. This film turns "suspension of disbelief" into an art form. After a while, these misfortunes cease to be suspenseful and become laughable. Like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" has the obligatory disfunctional family. Tea Leoni does not get along with her father in "Deep Impact"; Bruce Willis does not get along with his daughter in "Armageddon." Leoni hates her father's new girlfriend in "Impact"; Willis hates his daughter's boyfriend (played by Affleck's character) in "Armageddon." Leoni and father reconcile in "Impact"; Willis and daughter reconcile in "Armageddon." How sweet. It might be remotely interesting if I hadn't just seen it. "Armageddon" won't go down as a sci-fi classic, but it's probably worth a peek. What sets it apart from the other rock flicks is not its intelligence (which is only average), nor its special effects (which are fine, though not extraordinary). The acting is the key here, and the cast does not disappoint. Tyler and Affleck are a great screen couple, the epitome of young lovers who are uncertain of the future and what it may bring. Thornton is also excellent as the NASA official helping out the team from the ground. Surprisingly, humor is a big part of the film's charm; witness Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs, The Wedding Singer), who's played primarily for laughs here and comes through in spades. His observations about the space shuttle's construction are particularly entertaining. Other moments to look for: an amusing cameo by Godzilla in the film's opening scene, a Russian cosmonaut afflicted with a serious case of space madness, and the wonderful scenes in which the crew members undergo NASA psychological testing. Although Aerosmith is not credited with the film's musical score, they do perform the lion's share of the tunes. No doubt this is because Liv Tyler (daughter of Stephen, Aerosmith's lead singer) stars. If you like Aerosmith, you're in for a treat. If you don't... well, sorry. I hope this film does well at the box office. Not because it's a great artistic achievment, mind you; I simply want director Michael Bay to make enough money to buy a tripod. I've never seen a movie so afraid of static shots. Some scenes vibrate as though the cameraman was bouncing around the set on a pogo stick; others make me wonder if the photographer mistook the camera for an etch-a-sketch and was trying to erase the picture he'd drawn. The visual style of the film is often quite effective, though, particularly in the outer space sequences. My recommendation? Bring along some Dramemine, check your brain at the door, and just enjoy the ride. RATING: 2.5 stars (out of a possible five) This review was originally written: July 5, 1998 Copyright (c) 1998 by Joe Barlow. This review may be freely distributed as long as ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGES are made and this disclaimer remains attached. It may not reproduced for profit without the written consent of the author. If you have comments or questions, please send them to: jbarlow at earthling dot net (substituting the appropriate symbols, to discourage spam). ----- "Average Joe" Barlow MiSTie #73097 jbarlow@YOURearthling.PANTSnet http://www.ipass.net/~jbarlow {Remove YOUR PANTS to e-mail me.} "More Reba! More Garth! And... Wynona!" -TV's Frank, Mystery Science Theater 3OOO From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:02:19 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: kelly a hayes Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:11:24 GMT Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Lines: 119 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oujhs$mkk$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: kelly a hayes NNTP-Posting-Host: homer18.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900911484 23188 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13374 Keywords: author=hayes X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer18.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12549 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2030 ARMAGEDDON (PG-13) Harry S. Stamper: Bruce Willis Dan Truman: Billy Bob Thornton A.J. Frost: Ben Affleck Grace Stamper: Liv Tyler ``Chick'' Chapple: Will Patton Directed by Michael Bay. Written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams. Running time: 150 minutes. Classified PG-13 (for sci-fi disaster action, sensuality and brief moments of vulgar language). By Drew McElligott If space is the final frontier, I wouldn't mind Armageddon being Jerry Bruckheimer's final frontier into the final frontier, or for that matter anywhere into the skies above. Long before falling asteroids and con men raising all hell in a cargo plane, there was a young buck named Maverick who had a knack for going mach-10. With a hot, charismatic lead, a near perfect supporting cast, and a good enough balance of both spectacle and substance, Top Gun achieved top flight status as a box-office blast, ground-breaking in the soon-to-be commonplace (but certainly not cost-effective) action genre. Since those days, WAY back in the 80s, Bruckheimer's films have lost some of the luster as action films with both spectacle and substance. Perhaps the loss of Simpson is too obvious, certainly too easy of an answer. This is not to say that the newest Bruckheimer films have not held their own in the area of special effects and spectacle, these films will always have that. But the substance is gone, or at least deteriorating from what once was. The substance I'm talking about here relates to everything that makes a story great, making it in all respects a story worth making into a film. And I'd submit that without this blanket term called substance, Bruckheimer's airborne projects will do nothing more than shoot up to the stars and quickly fizzle down in the eyes of many viewers. Of course YOU will love it, and this is directed to those who go to the movies sheerly for the spectacle, and that's fine. These films will always have that appeal. Like many, I am often conflicted in my opinions about a movie such as Armageddon. I enjoy the action. But imagine if Bruckheimer and Michael Bay got together to make Apollo 13 - add a big rock and you pretty much have Armageddon. Any further plot description really isn't necessary because the plot is so thin that we can figure it out from the previews and promos. Armageddon does have the charismatic lead in Bruce Willis who does an admirable, even likable and believable role as Harry S. Stamper, the leader of the mining crew sent up to save the world. Armageddon also has a near perfect supporting cast in Will Patton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi, and Billy Bob Thornton. In fact, all of these actors do such a good job, one could conclude that with a great cast alone, you could almost have a good movie. Thornton as Dan Truman, head of Mission Control, does an especially good job of making the entire fagade seem believable and it is really from his character and Liv Tyler's character as Stamper's daughter that we feel any real, believable sense of urgency. They are our only real emotional contacts throughout the ordeal. Interestingly, the only other sentiment in the film (besides the charming yet thin love story between Tyler and Affleck) is that of patriotism, which is quite strong. Of course, we see no real hints at the deeper questions of armageddon, the absolute repercussions of such an ordeal on our country or the world at large. Rather, we get sound bytes of Islamic prayer, montage of a few cultures across the globe looking mildly perturbed. But it all works in this sense: there is so much action, we don't worry about repercussions, because, after all, Bruce Willis et all will save the world, they must, they are American heroes. And they don't disappoint. The movie as a whole, however... Unlike a film like Top Gun, however, what's missing, among other things, is context. When we meet Maverick, he's just saved a fellow pilot who's lost it, mentally unable just as Maverick himself will be later in the film after Goose's death. Tom Skerritt's character, playing a superior and a friend of Maverick's deceased father, provides more context. In Top Gun, we have enough context from the characters' lives that we feel like we know these people and more importantly, we feel like we know them enough to care about them. Granted, there is some good, emotional interaction within the love triangle of the Willis, Affleck, and Tyler characters, but those three cannot carry the film, especially when they must compete with the action and fx sequences that really overplay the story and characters. So much action that it is in actuality often illegible. In space, things can get pretty dicey, that much is clear. But that doesn't excuse the screen time that's wasted showing us how things go wrong over and over again in the same way: a character yells, "It's gonna blow," followed by flying debris and bodies flying and bouncing around. It gets tired, and so much is flying around so frequently it's difficult to even follow. Perhaps the biggest dilemma with a film like Armageddon is asking yourself if you should spend big money to see this in the theater or wait to rent it and see it on the small screen? Often we base this decision on the merits of the movie: did it get two thumbs up? Did Uncle Cecil like it? But in the case of Armageddon and every mega-fx-action blockbuster like it, the dilemma is further complicated by the fact that no matter how bad this film may be, you can bet it's gonna be even worse on TV. The effects, the action, the quick-cutting, the SOUNDS, they will all be quite worthless on the tube. See it in the theater or don't see it at all, and certainly don't think that this is a movie event of the summer that you must see. Two genres that, for full effect, really require a large screen are horror and science fiction. This is definitely science fiction, with more fiction than science. But then do we expect a film titled ARMAGEDDON to be Oscar material? I don't think so... **/**** On the Bruckheimer scale, while not nearly as good as The Rock, I actually preferred this to Con Air, which is very similar, but worse and could have been called, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From- WAIT, There Are No Women". Copyright 1998 Drew McElligott e-mail: drucipher@yahoo.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:04:00 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Ted Prigge" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:17:42 GMT Organization: None Lines: 134 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oujtm$112c$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer09.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900911862 33868 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13382 Keywords: author=prigge X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer09.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12541 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2028 ARMAGEDDON (1998) A Film Review by Ted Prigge Copyright 1998 Ted Prigge Director: Michael Bay Writers: Jonathan Hensleigh, Robert Roy Pool, Tony Gilroy, Shane Salerno, J.J. Abrams (story by Jonathan Hensleigh and Robert Roy Pool, and uncredited extra writing by Paul Attansio, Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg, and Robert Towne) Starring: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Steve Buscemi, William Fichtner, Peter Stormare, Owen Wilson, Keith David, Jessica Steen, Grace Zabriskie, Udo Kier, Laurence Tierney, Anthony Guidera, Charlton Heston "Armageddon" is probably the cinematic equivalent of the 1976 Who concert where the band played at record-breaking and ear-shattering decibels, leaving behind a record that most rock bands were and still are afraid to break. "Armageddon" is close up there, with so many loud explosions that drummer Keith Moon would be impressed if he were still around today, and in a way is pretty much as over-the-top as that concert probably was. "Armageddon" is as flashy and glossy as any film comes, and it does pretty much anything it can to make us like it, including giving us characters we just plain like because they're being portrayed by good actors, bringing us a love story, and providing us with so much action that after awhile all of this becomes pretty numbing. Kinda like the Who concert probably was. I'm sure everyone heard the first hour or so, but after that only heard distortion and a couple explosions from Keith Moon's drum set. Same with this movie. "Armageddon" is the second comet/asteroid-colliding-with-earth film we've had in a two month period, following the "On the Beach"-wannabe "Deep Impact." While that one featured people trying to cope with the possibility of the end of the world, this one is a little more aggressive. Both feature a group of miners and astronauts attempting to blow the comet/asteroid up, but this one dwells prominently on them, and instead of just one long sequence of them working and failing like in "Deep Impact," this one features one really, really, really long action sequence where everything goes wrong that could go wrong and these guys keep going like an Energizer bunny on uppers. It's an event movie, which means it's pretty much a formula film where what worked in the past crops up again. This one is a disaster film but without much of the drama of the people actually living on earth waiting for potential extinction, and more on the "drama" of the people working to destroy it. Of course, you've all seen the previews: an asteroid is heading towards earth, and it's up to Bruce Willis to destroy it. Willis, the token gruff action boy of late, plays a cynical miner chosen to destroy the asteroid by the head of NASA, Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton, cashing in on "Sling Blade," I see), along with a couple of his own men and some other astronauts. While "Deep Impact" took place over about a year or so, this film puts itself in a corner immeadiately: we have about 16 days (!!!). The first hour of the film is easily the best. We're introduced to the situation, given some ways of fixing it, and then introduced to the characters who will be going up and staying down. The film establishes Willis's daugher, Grace (Liv Tyler - is Bruce REALLY that old?), as the martyr as her father AND her fiance, the buff A.J. Frost (Ben Affleck...oh, I mean, OSCAR WINNER Ben Affleck, sorry), are both going up to space to do battle with the large rock, setting up the film for some real heart on Tyler's part, and giving the film a chance to cash in on the fact that Liv's father is none other than Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith (yuck). The second half of the film is a rollar coaster ride of problem after problem after problem etc etc etc, all making sure that after the film has completed, you're totally drained. And you are, trust me. It's obvious by the way it was advertised as well as by simply looking at it that this film is not at all concerned with being intelligent, thoughtful, or even, in all reality, entertaining. It's meant to make money, and has been designed so much like that that an entire article in this month's Premiere magazine shows the many steps it took to make this as formulaic and therefore profitable as possible. And yes, it's better than other formula event pictures (need I mention the crapfest that was "Godzilla?"), but it still has several problems, so many that if I were to mention all of them I'd just be being picky. But some are just too unmentionable, such as the lackluster second half in comparison with an entertaining first half, too many cheap "human" moments, and worst of all, what has to be a quarter-assed love story that is so underdeveloped that it's distracting every time it crops up. Does A.J. even realize Grace exists for half of the movie? Why else would he talk about how he's coming back and then later on risk his life for sheer cockiness? I understand that they felt they needed a romance angle in this film, what after "Titanic." But they really needed to put a little more umph into it, or at least just a bit of umph. So why am I recommending this film? Why did I enjoy a film that has numerous plot holes, too many explosions, and the IQ of a house plant? Because most of these bad qualities are used luckily to make for a really entertaining experience. I enjoyed the whole gung ho-ness of it all, the way that it took the time to set up its characters in a similar way to that testosterone-classic, "The Dirty Dozen"...then sends them on their way to a suicide mission. They're not deep characters, in fact they're pretty much characateurs not characters, but the film actually makes us care about them anyway, not the least by casting a bunch of good actors who've made it in the indie/art house film world, not only Thornton, Affleck, and Tyler (and, in some respects, Willis), but also Owen Wilson (who was brilliant in "Bottle Rocket"), Peter Stormare ("Fargo"), and Steve Buscemi (pick a film), all who are allowed to overact to sheer delight. Willis, in fact, hasn't been this good in awhile. His past few performances, even in "The Fifth Element," have seemed to be on autopilot, more or less, but here he brings us a sorta older version of his beloved John McClane character. Willis is a good comic actor when he wants to be, and here he's back as his old self, making wise-cracks and generally winning over the audience just like he used to. Of course, he's upstaged by Buscemi (can we just give this guy an Oscar already...or at the very least a Lifetime Achievement Award?), who plays the resident comic relief and still stays fresh even when the second half of the film finds him diagnosed with "space dimentia" (okay...). "Armageddon" was directed by Michael Bay, who directed "Bad Boys" and the wonderfully entertaining "The Rock," a film that, like this, doesn't take itself totally seriously (sometimes this does, but then it pulls itself right out of the ditch it creates), and features the infamous use of hyper-hyper-editing. No one shot lasts more than 5 seconds, creating a glossy-as-hell film that could easily be denounced as "crap on a stick," but for some reason works. Maybe it's because the characters are likable enough that when they're sent out to be martyrs we worry about whether or not they're coming back at all, and for some reason not as worried about the people on earth (save for Thornton and Tyler...and maybe that stripper that Buscemi meets...). And also because Bay's MTV-style direction creates an experience that is numbing yet still enjoyable and even a little admirable. Look at his crash-on-the-asteroid scene: have you seen this much confusion and general fright-of-the-unknown since "Aliens?" "Armageddon" prides itself in being glossy but has no real delusions about what it is and what it isn't, and while this isn't totally commendable, it's still mildly distracting for 2 1/2 hours, and admittingly very entertaining, which is something which is pretty good for us every now and then. MY RATING (out of 4): *** Homepage at: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/8335/ From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:05:08 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: mmapes@indra.com (Mart Mapes) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:18:41 GMT Organization: None Lines: 88 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oujvh$jd6$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer17.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900911921 19878 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13391 Keywords: author=mapes X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer17.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12545 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2029 Armageddon A film review by Marty Mapes Copyright 1998 Marty Mapes **1/2 (out of 4) Armageddon is an engrossing, engaging film. For sheer escapist entertainment, it is quite successful. On the other hand, there are a few too many angles from which to attack this film — science, depth, originality, editing — you name it. After a documentary segment showing the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs, the movie cuts to an oil rig. Here we meet the heroes of the film, a crew of drillers, taunting a ship of Greenpeace protesters (the first in a series of scenes flaunting Bruckheimer's conservative politics). It is also here that the film sets up the shallow drama of Harry (Bruce Willis as his usual self), the leader of the roughnecks, discovering his daughter Grace (Liv Tyler) in bed with one of his drillers, A.J. (Ben Affleck). Meanwhile, several sequences show us that asteroid fragments are bombarding the earth. Truman (Billy Bob Thornton, who is good, but underused in the role), a higher-up at NASA, learns that these fragments have been shot at the earth by an asteroid "the size of Texas." He mobilizes his crew to learn that the real asteroid, "a global killer," is headed right for us. Truman calls on Harry and his drillers to accompany two crews of astronauts to land on the asteroid, drill to its core, and drop in a nuclear bomb. The blast will split the asteroid in two, with each piece flying harmlessly past the Earth. As I said earlier, there are many points from which to attack this movie. Science is one (see the linked ABC science writeup.) Predictability is another. I won't give away any details here, but 30 minutes into the film, you will know the outcome of all the story lines, including the love story between A.J. and Grace. Originality is a third. Not only is this the fourth asteroid movie in a couple of years, but much of the film's melodrama was lifted straight out of INDEPENDENCE DAY. Finally, the editing (by Mark Goldblatt et al.) was the biggest problem of all for me. During some of the more tense action sequences, like when the first shuttle must try to land on the asteroid, quickly-cut closeups are edited together instead of giving the audience a better idea of the big picture. The result is visual confusion, which I guess for some people, is a substitute for dramatic tension. There are also montages that are made of seemingly random images. There are several shots of the Iwo Jima statue in Washington DC, even though the statue plays no part in the movie. It is possible that Bay and Bruckheimer found a parallel between the little island of Iwo Jima and an oncoming asteroid, but I doubt it. It is more likely that they were trying to distract the audience with patriotic images. In addition to the golden silhouette of the Iwo Jima statue, there are other slow-motion shots of Kodak Americana: a rugged dad and son looking out their window with concern, the congregation of a small church gathering at dusk. These sequences make the movie look like a commercial for the U.S. Army or Dr. Pepper. The whole effect is apparently supposed to infuse the audience with pride in America. It has nothing to do with the plot, it's just there for, well, I don't know why it's there. I had a similar complaint aboutCON AIR, last year's Bruckheimer action flick, but at least in ARMAGEDDON, the characters are fighting to save the world, instead of striving for the violent slaughter of a planeload of criminals. If the exaggerated patriotism and death-to-criminals attitude makes you think Bruckheimer's a little conservative, you don't know the half of it. In addition to the scene of our heroes taunting the Greenpeace ship at the beginning, there are other subtle conservative messages. The drillers have to be brought in from their vacations. Several of them are hard to catch. One in particular is photographed in silhouette as he rides his horse (looking like the Marlboro Man) away from two black helicopters. The drillers agree to save the planet, but they demand to never have to pay taxes again. Ever. I don't argue with the director's politics or patriotism PER SE, it's the fact that I felt I was being force-fed these unarguably glorious images. To sweeten the taste, Trevor Rabin's score copied the Irish-orchestral sound of the music in TITANIC. With all this emotion and glory, one wasn't allowed to question the meaning of what was going on. And yet, perhaps that's why I ultimately found the movie engrossing and engaging. I allowed myself to be swept away by the familiar story and the well-paced action. None of my complaints occupied my mind long enough to distract me from the fun. There's a lot wrong with the movie if you think about it, but it can be enjoyable. Just check your brain with the usher and enjoy the ride. Check out more current movie reviews at http://www.indra.com/~mmapes/ From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:06:26 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Jason Wallis" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:27:32 GMT Organization: None Lines: 67 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oukg4$rke$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: NNTP-Posting-Host: homer35.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900912452 28302 (None) 140.142.64.5 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13401 Keywords: author=wallis X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer35.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12604 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2038 Armageddon (1998) * * * (out of four) Starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Will Patton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Duncan and Keith David Directed by Michael Bay Rated PG-13 for planetary disaster, profanity and pillow talk Theatrical aspect ratio of 2.35:1 Released in 1998 Running 150 minutes Armageddon, in itself, symbolizes everything that is wrong in modern filmmaking. Stories have been replaced with special effects; character development gets overshadowed by bad dialogue; plotting consists of a bunch of shit getting blown up. Armageddon is as stupid, as loud and as shallow as any movie you'll see come out this summer, or maybe even any other summer. But I loved every freaking minute of it. Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are. Hell, I don't even know why I went to see it in the first place. The previews were so annoying that I predicted this was going to be the worst film of the year, or at least in the running. I'm sorry, but "Somebody dial 911!!!" isn't quite the tagging that's going to sell a movie. It isn't too wise either to market the film using the movie's stupidest lines ("Beam me up Scotty" - yeah, that sure is great writing...). I mean, let's face it; Armageddon's previews rival The Truman Show's as being some of the worst of the year. Neither of them even come close to doing their respective films justice. Of course, you all know the story. When the Earth is threatened with total annihilation via an asteroid the size of Texas, NASA calls in the US's top oil drillers (!) to go into space (!) and implant a nuclear device eight-hundred and someodd feet into the asteroid (!). In the coarse of all this mayhem, we are introduced to some interesting - and not so interesting - characters. Belonging to the former group is Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), a horny little womanizing genius who's always full of wisecracks, even when flying into space at a huge amount of G's. Also, there's the always cool-as-hell Billy Bob Thornton as Dan Truman, the bigwig at NASA who recruits all the drillers. He kind of reminded me of Ed Harris in Apollo 13, only without the intensity and great lines to deliver. Then on the flip side of the coin is the tired, contrived character of Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis, who does the whole movie employing with annoying accent I can't quite place), the leader of the pack as well as Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck as the token lovers you must have in any summer movie. Basically, that's about it. As I said, this is hardly a film about plot. It's another summer blockbuster with plot points that are beyond unbelievable and dialogue and characters that are mostly completely wooden. Case in point: NASA doesn't know that there is even an asteroid on it's way until eighteen days before impact - huh? Another example: at one point in the movie, two children are playing with toy space shuttles in front of a poster of Kennedy. How pretentious is that???!!! Want another one? Okay; before the oil drillers blast off into space, one of them starts singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane", and soon, all the rest join in. Did Michael Bay attend the school of sappy filmmaking before he made this picture? But naturally, all this sappiness, melodrama and special effects accumulate to one bitchin' time at the movies. And don't get me wrong - despite all of the things I found wrong with Armageddon, I still very much enjoyed it. So even if you don't win one of McDonald's free tickets, it's still definitely worth checking out. Copyright 1998 Jason Wallis Jason Wallis rwallis@inreach.com http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/7475 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:06:37 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: schirmer@uslink.net (Josh Schirmer) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:38:11 GMT Organization: None Lines: 57 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oul43$rc6$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: schirmer@uslink.net NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900913091 28038 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13408 Keywords: author=schirmer X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12567 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2032 ARMAGEDDON a review by Josh Schirmer === * * * * * out of * * * * * My feelings about this summer (in the movie department) are quite mixed. There are a variety of movies in theaters right now, which is always a plus, but most of them are so awful it's ridiculous to charge $7.00 to see them. (Isn't that always the case?) But to balance the trash, there have been some PHENOMENAL films, such as "The X-Files", "Mulan", or the amazing "Truman Show". It seems to me anything tagged as a blockbuster this summer has not lived up to it's expectations, some not even coming close. "Deep Impact" felt like it was missing something. "Godzilla" doesn't deserve ANY attention, not even the negative stuff it's been getting. And next up on the list for blockbuster expectation would have to be "Armageddon". Hyped to the point of breaking, "Armageddon" looks like the typical crap we've been dealt already. The previews make it out to be a shallow, stupid-looking film with only special effects to draw us in. And who really wants to see another meteor movie already? After all, doesn't bad publicity generally mean bad movie? Hardly the case. "Armageddon" brings a "Titanic"-esque feelings, where human spirit and hope seems to swell in every scene, where the emotion portrayed pulls at the ol' heartstrings, where you feel everything the characters do. It's a knockout a movie, something the whole family will be able to enjoy. Bruce Willis is perfectly cast in his role, the dry wit and toughness delivered with genuine feeling. Ben Affleck, although not able to beat his performance in "Good Will Hunting", is believable and enjoyable (and an easy way to draw legions of teenage girls). Billy Bob Thorton is always a treat. And who doesn't love Steve Buschemi? Alas, Liv Tyler's character is a tad one-dimentional, with a part that could have easily been played by anyone. Nevertheless, she's always delightful, and her smile brings a certain degree of shine to the screen. And the supporting cast is well put-together, too. The special effects are wonderful, and the cinematography is not unlike "The Rock", with it's twisting angles and 'cool' panning. Can anyone else smell an Oscar nomination...? Like I said, summer's had it's ups and downs. "Armageddon" is definitly an "up". It's nice to see that in today's modern age, where summer films are built on special effects and nothing but, someone took the time to put in the one thing other movies are missing: heart. Take the whole family. There's something for everyone. You, too, deserve "front row tickets to the end of the world". --Josh Schirmer josh_phile@yahoo.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:08:44 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: aw220@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Alex Fung) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:46:26 GMT Organization: The National Capital FreeNet Lines: 123 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6oulji$lcg$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: aw220@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Alex Fung) NNTP-Posting-Host: homer01.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 900913586 21904 (None) 140.142.64.2 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13418 Keywords: author=fung X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer01.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12609 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2040 ARMAGEDDON (Touchstone - 1998) Starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton Screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd, Michael Bay Directed by Michael Bay Running time: 150 minutes ** (out of four stars) Alternate Rating: C Note: Some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers. Be forewarned. ------------------------------------------------------------- From the outset, it's impossible to take the latest Earth-in-peril summer flick, ARMAGEDDON, very seriously. The newest testosterone-ladened conflagration from the team of director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer, this is a film which suggests that when confronted by a Texas-sized asteroid headed on a collision-course with the planet, NASA has The Right Stuff to launch an emergency space shuttle mission within two weeks and slingshot two spacecraft around the moon in order to intercept the massive interloper hurtling through the heavens at 22,000 mph, but is utterly helpless when it comes to simply digging a hole in the rock where a nuke will be dropped to hopefully divert the impending calamity. To that ends, a civilian team of crack deep-core drillers led by roughneck Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis) is hurriedly brought on board by stoical NASA director Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) for an extended weightlessness-training cram session in order to be shot shot into space and, of course, Save The World. Along the way, legendary gems such as "Hang on!", "It's gonna blow!", "I've never missed a depth that I've aimed for, and by God, I'm not going to start now!", and of course, the venerable "Blue wire or red wire?" are uttered. There's even an impromptu rendition of "Leaving On A Jet Plane". Who could ask for more? Get in line. "Do you think that somewhere in this world two people are doing the exact same thing that we're doing?" coos Harry's precious daughter, the doe-eyed Grace (Liv Tyler), to her hotshot oil driller beau A.J. (Ben Affleck) in the film's requisite (and hopelessly hokey) romantic subplot. "I hope so," he responds with an admirably straight face. "Or what the hell are we trying to save?" The question certainly comes to mind during the film's first half which introduces us to the assorted miscreants that make up our dubious heroes. Presumably acting as counterpoint to the intellectual NASA staff, Harry's team is an ultra-blue collar collection of ragtag misfits that one can't help but liken to the CON AIR convicts -- and like that previous Bruckheimer-produced vehicle, each member of the drilling team is solely distinguished by a characteristic idiosyncrasy: Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) has a thing for buxom babes, Chick (Will Patton) wants to win back his son, and so forth. Early exposition (opening with a brutal piece of would-be slapstick involving a gun-toting Harry chasing A.J. around an oil rig) succeeds in making this crew of ruffians about as endearing as the stormchasers from TWISTER -- which is to say that I found myself hoping the incoming "global killer" asteroid would smack them down first. If these Dudes With Attitudes weren't already distasteful enough, when their expertise is called upon to prevent global annihilation, the film finds them negotiating for fringe benefits and incentives. Welcome to heroism, 1990s-style. Make no mistake, inspirational heroism is what this effects-filled action film is intended to be all about, complete with at least two clips of our entire group of spacesuit-clad world-savers purposely striding towards the camera in slow motion as Trevor Rabin's ennobling score blares in the background. Mr. Bay seems especially fond of the low-angle shot, employed liberally throughout ARMAGEDDON to lend stature and an imposing quality towards his subjects, but his rapid cutting style, already unnecessarily excessive in THE ROCK, seems completely out of control here. There are countless points during the film's frenetic action sequences where one is at a loss as to exactly where certain characters are relative to others and so forth. (The incoherent space station sequence is particularly problematic.) The entire 150-minute film is assembled out of short edits which seem to run no more than a few seconds on average; I'd be very surprised if there are more than a handful of shots which run for more than twenty seconds. The net visual effect is not quite enough to generate an epileptic reaction, although the threat looms everpresent. From start to finish, ARMAGEDDON is such a carefully crafted product abiding by bold jingoistic patriotism conventions that its biggest surprise comes from the list of top screenwriters (credited and uncredited) assembled to provide the film's backbone. Ace Hollywood writers such as Jonathan Hensleigh, Tony Gilroy, Paul Attanasio (QUIZ SHOW, DONNIE BRASCO, ARMAGEDDON -- something looks ... out of place here), Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg (whom I can envision gleefully penning many of Rockhound's one-liners) and Robert Towne presumably picked up nice paycheques for their respective contributions to this by-the-numbers screenplay, but realistically any shades of subtlety present from the cast or script alike are utterly obliterated by the wildly overstated and calculated manner in which Mr. Bay presents each scenario. This is the sort of film where it's not enough to simply have Grace weeping as her father's space-originated transmission cuts off; it has to have her weeping at a wall of monitors busily airing static as the camera slowly dollies out and maudlin music provides background ambiance. If the film is skimping on original ideas and appealing heroes, it does provide a lot of spectacle for two-and-a-half hours. A meteor shower in the opening reel supplies plentiful destruction and mayhem in New York, and ARMAGEDDON becomes a dizzying series of incessant explosions, action and stunts once the gang goes spacebound. In this respect, the film distinguishes itself from the schmaltzy treacliness of DEEP IMPACT, the DreamWorks / Paramount film which beat it to the North American market by two months -- eschewing its predecessor's sensitive approach, this is an action film through and through. It's not an entirely unsuccessful diversion, full of energy and providing enough visceral stimuli to rival any music video, but in terms of genuine drama and suspense, ARMAGEDDON is remarkably hollow. - Alex Fung email: aw220@freenet.carleton.ca web : http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~aw220/ -- Alex Fung (aw220@freenet.carleton.ca) | http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~aw220/ "Only a twerp would castigate an audience for its enjoyment of something." - Pauline Kael From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:12:47 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!newsfeed5.telia.com!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!207.172.3.49!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!135.173.83.24!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: bubien@nic.cerf.net (Mark Bubien) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.reviews,rec.arts.movies.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 22 Jul 1998 04:47:31 GMT Organization: Story Bytes Lines: 197 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6p3qt3$mmk$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer17.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901082851 23252 (None) 140.142.64.4 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13447 Keywords: author=bubien X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer17.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.sf.reviews:2051 rec.arts.movies.reviews:12664 * The Top 45 Things I Learned from the Movie "Armageddon." >From Story Bytes ================ Very short stories from 2 to 2048 words with lengths a power of 2. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Top 45 Things I Learned from the Movie "Armageddon." by M. Stanley Bubien 45. Golf balls are an effective deterrent against Greenpeace weenies. 44. Even though your asteroid is rotating wildly on 3 axes, you always have a perfect view of the Eastern seaboard of the United States. 43. The best way an American can gain the trust of the Chinese is to drench them with crude oil. Thumbs up Yankee! 42. The USA rules. 41. In a disaster movie, it's okay to chop a salesman into two pieces, but never ever let the cute little doggy get a scratch. 40. When parked on an asteroid, low gravity situations never apply to you when you're inside the Space Shuttle. 39. When on the asteroid's surface, low gravity situations never apply to the equipment you brought with you---unless you need to leap over a giant canyon. 38. When crashing a Space Shuttle into a low gravity asteroid, you plow into the ground and break apart without bouncing one single time or losing any equipment into space---even if you are travelling faster than the asteroid's escape velocity. 37. Your thrusters always push you down, even if you are spinning out of control and they're spraying in all different directions. 36. "Laughing With" vs. "Laughing At": When Steve Buscemi delivers a line, that's "Laughing With"; When Bruce Willis delivers a line, that's "Laughing At." 35. Eleven minutes at 8 Gs isn't all that bad. Sure you complain a little, but your loose facial muscles never bend back from the force, your lips don't turn white from blood drainage, and you have no trouble remaining completely conscious the whole time. You are, after all, one of the best damn oil rig workers in the South China Sea! 34 (tie). Fire will burn in a vacuum. 34 (tie). Sound will travel in a vacuum. 33. Not only can a Space Shuttle dock while flying loops around a rotating space station, *two* can do it at the same time. 32. All hail the USA. 31. Explosive decompression and near-absolute zero temperatures never apply to the human body. 30. Planet killer asteroid coming? Hide in your cellar! 29. NASA will let any untrained bozo go into space without giving an argument---if he happens to be one of the best damn oil rig workers in the South China Sea! 28. A surface detonation will have no effect on an incoming asteroid. But shoving a nuke into a hole drilled 0.03% of the way into its solid iron crust will split that baby right in two! 27. Prior to the giant planet killer asteroid, several hundred smaller ones travelling on the exact same trajectory always precede it, giving us ample warning by striking the Earth 3 weeks ahead of time even though we're in a totally different position in our orbit. 26. When it's your only chance to save the planet, NASA will make sure your first pit stop is with a broken-down Russian space station. 25. Massive iron rocks colliding with your Shuttle at faster than the speed of sound will not penetrate the titanium hull, but bullets will. 24. A father is always surprised to find his daughter in bed with the only eligible bachelor her age within 1000 miles, especially when said bachelor is good looking and a really nice guy to boot. 23. In a planet killer situation, NASA's biggest concern next to worldwide rioting is religious hysteria---the last thing we need when faced with the extinction of all life on the planet as we know it is people falling onto their knees and quietly praying. 22. Paris sucked anyway. 21. U.-S.-A. All The Way. 20. Animal crackers are an effective on-screen substitute for sex. 19. No matter how stupid or life-threatening they might be, always go with your instincts---especially at the end of the movie. 18. Shuttle about to crash on an asteroid? If you're a passenger, go into the wide cargo bay and don't strap yourself in. 17. Shuttle about to crash on an asteroid? If you're the pilot do not for any reason whatsoever put your space suit's helmet on. 16. When you're on an asteroid and you need to leap over a giant canyon and clear the towering spires on the opposite slope, drive off a flat surface and turn your thrusters off. 15. A father always hates it when the one nice, clean-cut and respectable guy on the rig falls in love with his daughter, especially when he loves the guy like a son. 14. Trevor Rabin needs to leave the movie industry and return to playing lead guitar for the Rock band Yes, and so does Bruce Willis. 13. Men who are overweight, out-of-shape and untrained can handle the rigors of weightlessness, cramped quarters and extended periods at heavy Gs, but the guy with two Phds always suffers from Space Dementia. 12. To create 1G of artificial gravity, a 21 foot diameter space station only needs to spin at 2 RPMs, rather than the 228 RPMs that all known laws of physics seem to require. 11. Shotguns shoot bullets, not shot. 10. Concerned about the bottom line? Don't waste any money on inconsequential things like story line and technical consultants---just make damn sure you hire the best director of TV commercials you can find. 9. When a Russian Cosmonaut places you in the deepest recesses of his space station and tells you to watch the pressure gauge in case it overloads, run for your life immediately. 8. A 250 lb. man flying off an asteroid at a velocity of 40 ft./sec. can be effectively stopped by a 175 lb. man grabbing his life-line and tugging with all his strength---don't worry, the 175 lb. man will never be pulled helplessly into space even though he is not tethered to anything himself. 7. Planet killer asteroids heal parent-child relationships better than any psychologist ever could. 6. "Deep Impact": good Science Fiction. "Armageddon": bad Science Fiction. 5. Thank God the Cold War's over because those crazy Ruskies can sure be handy to have around---give one a hammer and he can fix anything. 4. Hoo-Ray for the USA. 3. Though it lopes through the atmosphere like an overstuffed 747, when you get it into space, the Shuttle maneuvers exactly like an F/A-18 fighter jet. 2. Every oil drill needs a gatlin' gun! 1. Yes, some people will pay $7.50 to see a stinking pile of crap. ### 1024 Words. Copyright 1998, M. Stanley Bubien. The author(s) hereby *grant* the right to electronically distribute this work via e-mail, ftp, and/or usenet news for non-profit purposes provided the story, title, authorship, and copyright (including this notice) remain in their original form, without modification or deletion. In other words, you can e-mail it, ftp it, post it, or put it on a Web Site for free. Just make sure you (1) don't change the story and you (2) include the above Copyright notice. Story Bytes appears online at Story Bytes ** Contact: ** To Subscribe: ** Web Site: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Bytes better than sound bites. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------- M. Stanley Bubien | ** STORY BYTES ** | Story Bytes better Story Bytes Editor | | than sound bites ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mailing list of *very* short stories (2 words and up) sent weekly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:16:51 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!nntp.se.dataphone.net!newsfeed.online.no!news-feed.ifi.uio.no!howland.erols.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Kevin Patterson Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 25 Jul 1998 16:29:03 GMT Organization: None Lines: 101 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pd14f$r7u$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer11.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901384143 27902 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13508 Keywords: author=patterson X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer11.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12615 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2046 Film review by Kevin Patterson ARMAGEDDON Rating: **1/2 (out of four) PG-13, 1998 Director: Michael Bay Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer Screenplay: Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Starring Cast: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi. After GODZILLA disappointed, both critically and commercially, and DEEP IMPACT turned out not to be an action movie in the strict sense, July of 1998 has rolled around without an action blockbuster having hit the theaters. Expectations have accordingly been high for ARMAGEDDON, in which a team of roughnecks led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) are sent into outer space for the purpose of drilling a hole inside an asteroid on a collision course with Earth and then blowing it up from the inside. It certainly seems to have all the right ingredients: it has Bruce Willis in the lead, it has a premise ripe with potential for big explosions and stunts (along with a bit of flag-waving), and the producer/director team of Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay had been responsible for the 1996 action hit THE ROCK. Unfortunately, that's really about all it has. Don't misunderstand: ARMAGEDDON entertains. But aside from the few real moments of heroism at the end, I liked it mostly for the same reasons that Beavis and Butt-head would probably like it: because a lot of stuff got blown up, and that was cool. Since its plot (Our Heroes vs. Big Inanimate Object) is about as thin as they come, it has to keep moving mostly on the basis of Murphy's Law: a fuel tank explodes during an intermediate stop at a space station, one of the two shuttles is damaged by debris from the asteroid, the nuclear bomb intended to destroy the asteroid is about to go off early, the drills keep breaking, a character comes down with "space dementia," and finally the bomb mechanism is broken and someone has to stay behind and detonate the bomb manually. I won't waste time pointing out how the storyline is implausible (which it is), since these kinds of movies do not sink or swim with their scientific credibility. I will point out, however, that it's kind of sloppy. The screenplay reportedly passed through the word processors of nine different writers, and it shows in places. There are a few characters introduced towards the beginning, such as a goofy astronomer with a nagging wife and a few New York City tourists who get scared up by a meteor shower, who then disappear with no indication of why they were in the script in the first place. Steve Buscemi's character, Rockhound, apparently got his Ph.D at age 22, yet he later makes an asinine comment about how NASA's proposed flight plan resembles a failed stunt from a Road Runner cartoon that would insult the intelligence of most high school physics students. There's also some hokey dialogue that I would have thought at least one of the nine writers ought to have edited. (Note to whoever was responsible for the scene where the bomb is about to go off: it's fine to write a scene that turns into a surrealistic nightmare, but actually having a character announce "This has turned into a surrealistic nightmare!" doesn't come off too well.) Characters in these kinds of action movies don't have to be well-developed, but they at least ought to be animated and fun to watch. Aside from Harry Stamper and Rockhound, most of them are pretty bland: the rest of Stamper's squad consist of pretty much stock macho characters. Their tough-guy antics in front of the NASA training team and sarcastic one-liners are mildly amusing, but the only time I really laughed out loud was when Buscemi started trying to replicate a scene from DR. STRANGELOVE. For a movie that barely comes in under the 150-minute mark, some of this seems like dead weight (not to mention that it completely undermines any sense that the world might really be about to end, but I'm not even going to get started on that). There's also a romance between A.J. (Ben Affleck) and Harry's daughter Grace (Liv Tyler) that doesn't add a whole lot to the story. Director Michael Bay keeps the action going pretty much non-stop for the final half of the movie. While it certainly serves to keep the audience's adrenaline rushing, some of it unfolds in a rather confusing way. I'm still not sure exactly what went wrong on board the space station: all I know was that there were some sparks flying, some incomprehensible shouting from a Russian cosmonaut (Peter Stormare), and then a Narrow Escape and a Big Explosion. There's nothing visually distinct about ARMAGEDDON except for a few surface shots of the asteroid: at one point, the flying rock, the shouting, and the camera-shaking went on for so long that I actually caught myself starting to tune out for about a minute, and that's one thing that shouldn't happen in an action movie. ARMAGEDDON turns up the action meter in a way few movies often do, but its coherence meter is somewhere near the bottom. It's good entertainment, and it meets the minimum requirements for a summer blockbuster. Still, I'd be surprised if I remember much of it a year from now. Except, of course, that a lot of stuff got blown up. And that was cool. Send comments to ktpattersn@aol.com. - - - - - - - - - - - Film Reviews, X-Files, Millennium, David Lynch, The Coen Brothers & more: Visit my web sites at http://members.aol.com/KTPattersn/index.html - - - - - - - - - - - From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:18:10 1998 From: "Choo Eng Aun, Jack" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 25 Jul 1998 16:43:13 GMT Organization: None Lines: 83 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pd1v1$14r0$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer08.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901384993 37728 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13518 Keywords: author=choo X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer08.u.washington.edu Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!grendel.df.lth.se!news.ind.mh.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.stealth.net!news.idt.net!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.191.82.231!rockie.attcanada.net!attcanada!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12633 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2050 ARMAGEDDON (1998) Directed by Michael Bay Starring : Bruce Willis (Harry Stamper) Liv Tyler (Grace Stamper) Ben Affleck (A.J.) Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) Steve Buscemi=09 Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer Running Time : 2hrs 20mins Reviewed by Jack Choo Rating : *1/2 out of ***** The Meteor that Failed to Impact=20 If I were to plot a graph of year against movie-plot-ridiculity for = Hollywood movies, you'll probably see a line with constant gradient. = Now, if I were to plot that same graph for the movies that the Michael = Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer has made over the last 4 years, that line would be = exponential in growth. The team started out with the Will Smith vehicle = BAD BOYS which was no more than a 2hr long action-music-video, = nevertheless entertaining. Then came THE ROCK, where audiences flocked = to see NICHOLAS CAGE team up with SEAN CONNERY against some terrorizing = general fighting over some stupid cause. CON-AIR was ridiculousy dumb in = its premise but it did have fun moments, and who can forget the nursery = rhyme sang by that psycho killer played by STEVE BUSCEMI. While these = movies worked because there was something better to cover-up the dirt, = ARMAGEDDON does not. Very much like DEEP IMPACT, a meteor is heading towards Earth and they = didn't realize it until 18 days from impact. DEEP IMPACT settled with = the modest meteor size as large as the city of New York but ARMAGEDDON = just had to be BIGGER....well about the size of Texas (that kinda meteor = whould probably knock Earth out of its orbit!). The panic of this = sighting spurs the idea of landing people on the meteor, drill it then = nuke it (sounds familiar) and who better to do such a job than Harry = Stamper (Bruce Willis), your very own oil-driller extraordinaire and = his team of macho-misfits, nursing the tagline `there ain't nothin' on = this planet that Harry can't drill!'. In that 18 days, Harry's group was = split into 2 teams, trained for deep-space flight and finally blasted = into space in with special drilling vehicles on 2 new space shuttles. The main relationship drama of ARMAGEDDON is formed within the = relationship of Harry, A.J. and Grace. To give you an idea, A.J. works = for Harry, and loves Grace, Harry's daughter. The problem is, Harry = hates to see his daughter hanging around some scruffy grunt like himself = for the rest of her life. So while A.J. and Harry struts it out, Grace = is place in a position where she is unable to take sides, so she remains = seated in the NASA control tower, crying over both of them in about 80% = of the movie. The human elements this movie tries to inject proves to be nothing more = than just an excuse for more slow-mo's and gold-tinted photography. The = anguish of the world is potrayed with scenes of people praying, running = for their lives or just sitting still staring at the sky, sounds fine = right? I know, but it looks too out of place on screen, too staged. If = you were to ask yourself, `What's the difference between ARMAGEDDON and = a R&B music video?" you'd probably just said `The music.". Not = surprising since Michael Bay is a child of that industry and has = actually managed to transpose his MTV skills to screen successfully. His = foray into ARMAGEDDON just proves that he doesn't when to stop. Well there's really nothing much to sum up here. The = Stock-Aitken-Waterman of Hollywood Movies have projected their art-form = into ridiculity, beyond the plane believability, where people still = accept even if they didn't believe. DEEP IMPACT was ridiculous in most = aspects and I believe the makers know this. The thing is, they decided = to shroud myth and fantasy with a purely believable human tale of = suffering and coming in terms with ones problems, which ultimately = brought it above the ashes which it had initially put itself in. = ARMAGEDDON, is an overcrowded, loud, messy, preposterously manipulative = waste of money and deserves to remain in that same pile of ash..=20 If you have planned to watched this over DEEP IMPACT because of Liv = Tyler, Bruce Willis or the tagline "From the makers of `THE ROCK'!!". = Please catch DEEP IMPACT before it finishes its run, it may be the only = meteor worth watching in long-long time. If you have to see it, please = bring ear-plugs and some aspirins (for the vertigo). Expect ARMAGEDDON = LD's to retail at S$19.90 at CarreFour come release time. Gee......even = that's not worth it! From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:18:40 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!genius.dat.hk-r.se!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!howland.erols.net!wn3feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: me@alanine.ram.org (Ram Samudrala) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 27 Jul 1998 05:44:32 GMT Organization: Movie ram-blings: http://www.ram.org/ramblings/movies.html Lines: 39 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6ph440$16fa$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer29.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901518272 39402 (None) 140.142.17.37 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13563 Keywords: author=samudrala X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer29.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12703 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2053 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Armageddon A film review by Ram Samudrala ---------------------------------------------------------------------- /Armageddon/ is a taut fast-paced thriller which starts off great but gets tiresome toward the end. The plot is simple: an asteroid is headed on a collision course toward Earth. To stop it, the US government sends a bunch of roughneck oil drillers into space to drill a hole in the asteroid so they can drop and detonate a nuclear weapon inside, before it is too late. The problem with disaster movies is that it is very hard to find an antagonist, i.e., someone you hate by the end of the movie. After all, an asteroid or a volcano or a twister doesn't give a rat's arse about what humans think (it can't). Some movies try to cast natural disasters as either a force out to teach us a lesson or as an evil entity. Wisely enough, the primary focus in /Armageddon/ is the motley crew and not the rock floating through space. I thought the visual effects were cheesy and the dialogue was corny. The character (we're introduced to one too many) development is non-existent. The acting is mixed: Bruce Willis is a great actor and he gets a lot of the spot light. Most of the other actors are just there for the entertainment value. Christopher Walken..., er, William Filkner does a good job as captain of the space shuttle, but he appears to be the only one taking the movie seriously. Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck, as lovers, have the chemistry of oil and water. The sound track is dated (music by Trevor Rabin, who, although a great musician, could've done better here). The one saving grace is that the action and suspense sequences are great. The attempts at humour work for the most part and make this movie enjoyable. Worth the matinee fare. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- email@urls || http://www.ram.org || http://www.twisted-helices.com/th Movie ram-blings: http://www.ram.org/ramblings/movies.html From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:19:01 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!nntp.se.dataphone.net!fci-se!fci!masternews.telia.net!news-nyc.telia.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!192.220.250.21!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Steve Kong Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 30 Jul 1998 21:28:14 GMT Organization: The Hard Boiled Movie Page (http://boiled.sbay.org/boiled/) Lines: 111 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pqohe$voi$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer10.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901834094 32530 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13620 Keywords: author=kong X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer10.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12800 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2064 ARMAGEDDON (1998) A film review by Steve Kong Edited by Cher Johnson Copyright 1998 Steve Kong I admire Michael Bay for his second major film, The Rock. His first film, Bad Boys, was OK, but nothing spectacular. Armageddon marks the third time Michael Bay has taken to directing a major motion picture. The thing to remember about Bay is that he is one of the few directors that have successfully taken the leap from directing music videos to directing feature films. Armageddon is a standard fare action/sci-fi movie. It is also the second half of this year's objects-from-outer-space movies, the first being Deep Impact. To get the question out of the way, I though Armageddon was better than Deep Impact. Armageddon was easier to sit through than Deep Impact, there was more action and fewer tries at characterizations, characterizations that just didn’t seem to work for either film. During a routine day in New York a sudden roar is heard. From the sky comes flaming objects the size of tennis balls and Volkswagens. These small meteors are just an early warning for the impending impact of an asteroid the size of Texas. Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thorton) of NASA is heading up a project to stop the asteroid from wiping out humanity. Truman’s first and last option is to send up a crew of men to drill into the asteroid and plant a nuclear bomb to blow the asteroid into two pieces. The men chosen are the world’s best deep core drilling team. They are lead by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), an angry and rough-around-the-edges man. One of the subplots is about crew member A.J. Frost’s (Ben Affleck) relationship with Stamper’s daughter, Grace (Liv Tyler). This creates some superficial and sometimes lagging conflict between Stamper and Frost. Armageddon is unlike Bay and Bruckheimer’s last teaming, The Rock. The Rock was a mindless summer film, but had better characters that the audience could identify with. I found it hard to identify with the three main characters of Armageddon. Willis’s Stamper starts off on the wrong foot and never really gets back onto the right one until near the end of the film. Affleck’s Frost is too wild and unbelievable to latch onto, though I did find myself hoping that his character wouldn’t perish. Thorton’s Truman was a bit more likeable and I did identify with him a lot more than Stamper and Frost. In comparison, The Rock had three strong likeable characters all being portrayed by good actors (Nicolas Cage, Sean Connery, and Ed Harris). I was saddened to see that Liv Tyler was pushed back to the crying-woman-waiting-for-her-men-to-come-home role. Other supporting actors are not given much to do either. Steve Buscemi, Will Patton, William Fitchner, and a few others are all wasted. Buscemi does get a few funny lines and Patton gets to act like a tough guy but it’s not enough. As for acting, there are quite a few surprises. First off, Bruce Willis gives one of his best performances in recent memory. He is quite believable and doesn’t have to fall back on his John McClain character. I loved Willis’s performance in Armageddon. If anything, see Armageddon for Willis. Affleck, who performed well in Good Will Hunting, doesn’t do too hot in Armageddon. His cocky young I’m-always-right act wears thing after a while. Billy Bob Thorton does an admirable job with his part. As for Bay, he’s not improved much since The Rock. In my review of The Rock I talked about Bay’s obsession with the Shaky-Camera Technique that he brought over from his music video days. I thought that after a few years, he’d learn a bit more about the differences between music videos and feature films. He has, but he has not learned enough. Armageddon uses a heavy dose of the Shakey-Camera Technique to try to get and keep our attention. My note for Bay Michael, you have our attention. Stop shaking the camera and putting in flashy camera angles! Just tell us a good story. Armageddon runs a bit long, clocking in at two and half-hours. With this sort of time allotment, there shouldn’t be too many loose ends, but there are. And they are quite noticable. One includes a scene where a few of the drillers are arrested after a brawl, and straight after that they are readying for take-off. What happened in jail? How’d they get out of jail? An early meteor shower tears up New York City, but as quickly as the meteor shower ends, all news of the event disappear. No one questions what happened in New York City. Some of the time is also spent telling a hokey love story the one between Frost and Grace which includes a cheezy scene using animal crackers. Don’t see Armageddon for real physics. There are loud explosions in space, there is selective gravity on the asteroid, and there are other physics anomalies throughout the film. I really loved parts of Armageddon. The opening destruction was spectacular, with meteors punching holes through skyscrapers as if they were made of Popsicle sticks. The training portion of the film gives a good look at what astronauts get to do during training. The pool scenes were amazing. And the launch of the two shuttles was exciting. With all these complaints though, I still had a hell of a time. Armageddon might be a dumb movie, but it’s also a movie that works well being superficial. If you don’t expect too much from Armageddon, you’ll walk out of the movie theatre happy. I liked Armageddon and I recommend it. There are flaws, some significant, but they can be overlooked. Strangely enough, as hokey as some of the scenes are, I found myself somewhat teary- eyed at the end of the movie. If you want to see true space heros, rent Apollo 13. If you want to see real action, rent The Rock. If you want to see real sci-fi, rent Contact. If you have two hours to burn and want to see a fun movie in an air-conditioned theatre during matinee, catch Armageddon. --- Steve Kong reviews@boiled.sbay.org reviews from a guy who loves the cinema http://boiled.sbay.org/boiled/ From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:19:18 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!nntp.se.dataphone.net!fci-se!fci!newsfeed.online.no!news-feed.inet.tele.dk!bofh.vszbr.cz!newspeer.monmouth.com!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: me@alanine.ram.org (Ram Samudrala) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 30 Jul 1998 21:29:12 GMT Organization: Movie ram-blings: http://www.ram.org/ramblings/movies.html Lines: 39 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pqoj8$1798$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer18.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901834152 40232 (None) 140.142.17.37 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13615 Keywords: author=samudrala X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer18.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12795 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2063 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Armageddon A film review by Ram Samudrala ---------------------------------------------------------------------- /Armageddon/ is a taut fast-paced thriller which starts off great but gets tiresome toward the end. The plot is simple: an asteroid is headed on a collision course toward Earth. To stop it, the US government sends a bunch of roughneck oil drillers into space to drill a hole in the asteroid so they can drop and detonate a nuclear weapon inside, before it is too late. The problem with disaster movies is that it is very hard to find an antagonist, i.e., someone you hate by the end of the movie. After all, an asteroid or a volcano or a twister doesn't give a rat's arse about what humans think (it can't). Some movies try to cast natural disasters as either a force out to teach us a lesson or as an evil entity. Wisely enough, the primary focus in /Armageddon/ is the motley crew and not the rock floating through space. I thought the visual effects were cheesy and the dialogue was corny. The character (we're introduced to one too many) development is non-existent. The acting is mixed: Bruce Willis is a great actor and he gets a lot of the spot light. Most of the other actors are just there for the entertainment value. Christopher Walken..., er, William Filkner does a good job as captain of the space shuttle, but he appears to be the only one taking the movie seriously. Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck, as lovers, have the chemistry of oil and water. The sound track is dated (music by Trevor Rabin, who, although a great musician, could've done better here). The one saving grace is that the action and suspense sequences are great. The attempts at humour work for the most part and make this movie enjoyable. Worth the matinee fare. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- email@urls || http://www.ram.org || http://www.twisted-helices.com/th Movie ram-blings: http://www.ram.org/ramblings/movies.html From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:19:34 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!fu-berlin.de!news.idt.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!192.220.250.21!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Steve Rhodes Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 30 Jul 1998 21:46:07 GMT Organization: Internet Reviews Lines: 87 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pqpiv$9i4$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer14.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901835167 9796 (None) 140.142.17.39 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13629 Keywords: author=rhodes X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer14.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12810 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2065 ARMAGEDDON A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 1998 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): ** 1/2 Check your brains at the door. It's time for some silly summer fun in ARMAGEDDON as Bruce Willis and Co. kick some asteroid tail. When a big rock last headed for our planet in DEEP IMPACT, it was soap opera time. That was back in the serious days of May. It's summer now when even flying boulders the size of Texas can be seen only as a lark. The story starts 65 million years ago when a piece of space trash runs into Earth and kills all the dinosaurs. "It happened before," a deep-voiced Moses, a.k.a. Charlton Heston, warns us in the narration. "It will happen again. It's just a matter of time." Cut to present day New York City, where the poor Chrysler building, which has been wiped out recently in other movies, takes it on the chin again as an early casualty of an errant asteroid. Actually this one is just a baby, his big mama is on the way. The world's governments will keep this fact a secret as the U.S. quickly trains a team of social misfits from a deep ocean oil drilling rig as mankind's only hope of salvation. Think STARSHIP TROOPERS, but more ridiculous. In ARMAGEDDON's defense, it at least realizes it is a parody, something that many recent films haven't been smart enough to figure out. (The movie will win many viewers' hearts early on with the scene of a small dog attacking a street display of Godzilla toys. Given that many are bigger than him, it is a nice metaphor that size doesn't matter.) ARMAGEDDON delights in being politically incorrect. When we first see driller Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis), he is shooting golf balls from the deck of his rig, trying to hit Greenpeace protestors in the head. His right-hand man, A.J. Frost (Ben Affleck), is in trouble with Harry for falling in love with Harry's daughter, Grace, played as a cipher by Liv Tyler. Grace doesn't show her father much respect. "I understand that you are handicapped by natural immaturity, but I forgive you," she tells him. Although there are many contenders for the movie's most ridiculous part, A.J.'s lovemaking scene with Grace has to be the winner. He uses animal crackers as a form of foreplay, something even NINE AND 1/2 WEEKS never tried. The best performance is turned in, as usual, by Billy Bob Thornton, who plays against type as the brainy head of NASA, Dan Truman. Dan is a guy with a good-ole-boy accent and a leg brace that kept him from ever becoming an astronaut himself. He also gets some of the best lines as when he describes the events of the upcoming asteroid apocalypse as "basically all the worst parts of the bible." A disheveled Steve Buscemi as Rockhound, plays a double major from MIT, who spends his time worrying that the law will catch up with him for sleeping with underage girls. Rockhound is on Stamper's team as are a bunch of other oddballs. Truman chooses Stamper's team to go up in space with the astronauts to drill into the asteroid and plant an atomic bomb. "The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards," General Kimsey (Keith David) complains. "I wouldn't trust them with a potato gun." The rag-tag outfit lives up to their image when they place their demands on the United States government. In order to agree to undertake the mission, their demands include: sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom all summer, bringing back eight-track tapes and revealing who shot Kennedy. The one universal demand is that they never want to pay taxes ever again. Now, that's a request worth fighting for. When they finally get to the asteroid, the movie appears to have run out of money. The special effects are anything but, and the scene is dark and murky. If you can only see one asteroid movie this year, DEEP IMPACT, with all of its faults, is probably the better choice. But if you're looking for laughs and have plenty of time to kill, ARMAGEDDON is just about as good. ARMAGEDDON runs 2:24. It is rated PG-13 for sci-fi disaster action, sensuality and brief profanity and would be fine for kids around 10 and up. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:20:00 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Choo Eng Aun, Jack" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Deep Impact (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 25 Jul 1998 16:43:28 GMT Organization: None Lines: 93 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6pd1vg$r38$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer14.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901385008 27752 (None) 140.142.64.7 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13521 Keywords: author=choo X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer14.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12737 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2059 DEEP IMPACT (1998) Directed by Mimi Leder Starring : Morgan Freeman (President Beck) Tea Leoni (Jenny Lerner) Elijah Wood (Leo Beiderman) Robert Duvall (Spurgeon Tanner) Vanessa Redgrave (Robin Lerner) Maximilian Schell (Jason Lerner) Written by Bruce Joel Rubin and Michael Tolkin Running Time : 2hrs 10mins A Paramount/Dreamworks SKG Release Rating : ***1/2 out of ***** Reviewed by Jack Choo METEOR THREAT SET TO BLOW AWAY ALL VOLCANOES & TWISTERS! Summer is here again! This season could probably be the most ambitious = season this decade with Hollywood churning out films like DEEP IMPACT, = GODZILLA, THE X-FILES, ARMAGEDDON, THE TRUMAN SHOW, all of which has but = one main aim, to rock the box office. Leading the pack this summer is = DEEP IMPACT, one of the first few film releases from the = Spielberg-Katzenberg-Geffen's Dreamworks production company. Following = the rather dismal showing of their previous two releases; MOUSEHUNT and = AMISTAD, DEEP IMPACT shines with elements which could just make it one = of the biggest movies of the year. DEEP IMPACT begins with the discovery of an Earth bound comet during a = school astronomy outing by Leo Beiderman (Elijah Wood) which = subsequently stirred up the political community of the world. Keeping = the information under wraps to prevent widespread panic, President Beck = (Morgan Freeman) took it upon himself and his subordinates to execute a = highly secretive space project to destroy the comet before it hits = earth. While pursuing a sex-scandal story amongst the presidential = ranks, ambitious up and coming reporter, Jenny Lerner (Tea Leoni) = unfolds the wool that President Beck has pulled over the citizens of the = world. As if the knowledge of the imminent annihilation of mankind is = not enough, Jenny has to come to terms with her father (Maximillian = Schell) leaving the mother for a younger woman.=20 President Beck announces the discovery and preparations to destroy the = comet exactly one-year later, with so much confidence that it left no = trace of panic within the American community. Achieving fame from = announcement of the comet Wolf-Beiderman en-route to Earth (the name of = its discoverers), Leo Beiderman continues life in his small town as a = young celebrity. A team of astronauts, led by the ageing veteran = astronaut Spurgeon Tanner (Robert Duvall), was secretly trained to carry = out the mission to land on the comet and create and explosion with a = nuclear device, with the hope of blowing it out of its current path = towards Earth. Despite him being the most experienced in the team, the = younger generation of astronauts in the team doubts Tanner's ability due = to his age. But these are just problems of individuals. Life on Earth = goes on as any other day, confident that the comet will be destroyed. When the attempt to avert Wolf-Beiderman's path failed and caused the = comet to split into two: Comet Wolf and Comet Beiderman, the President = unfolds his contingency plan to evacuate part of the population, leaving = the rest to die. Citizens are randomly chosen to live underground for 2 = years prior to impact, when the dust due to the impact around earth have = settled, by then all life on the surface would have died. Jenny and Leo = were picked but many of their loved ones were not, only a handful of = Earth's population will be saved from destruction. =20 DEEP IMPACT's moving moments occur in the least special-effect laced = scenes. While the effects are fantastic, they only form a small part of = the film, which indulges itself in the development of its main = characters; Leo, Lerner and Tanner. Leo's struggle when he learns that = his girlfriend is not part of the population to be saved, Lerner's = dwindling relationship with her father and her pain for the mother's = loneliness, Tanner's strive to gain the respect he deserves from his = crew and his ultimate sacrifice, all form the backbone of DEEP IMPACT's = moving moments. DEEP IMPACT smells suspiciously like the previous year = release CONTACT despite vivid differences. I think its probably because = they both delve in a story of global proportions and indulges in the = premise of hope, faith and life itself. Both do not depend heavily on = eye-candy in the form of CGI effects. Director Mimi Leder (who won = numerous awards directing television series, and made her debut with = PEACEKEEPER last year) is definitely a director to watch.=20 Despite this being the first of the two meteor movies this summer (the = other being ARMAGEDDON), I think there will be stark differences in the = approach to the subject matter. While the premise of both may be the = same, execution and focus of the films will in fact show that DEEP = IMPACT has more focus on human elements than ARMAGEDDON, which is done = by the team which brought us BAD BOYS, CRIMSON TIDE and THE ROCK. =20 DEEP IMPACT should be able to satisfy a variety of audiences; from the = most action-craving to those who just want to immerse into its = manipulative but nonetheless dramatic premise. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:25:42 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.ecn.ou.edu!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Jerry Bosch" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Reviews: Dark Impact (1998), Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 23 Jul 1998 05:03:01 GMT Organization: http://www.supernews.com, The World's Usenet: Discussions Start Here Lines: 94 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6p6g65$110c$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901170182 33804 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13487 Keywords: author=bosch X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12721 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2055 THE DEEP IMPACT OF ARMAGEDDON - RANDOM THOUGHTS Warning: spoilers ahead. It is summer and the sky is falling. Hollywood has been deeply impacted and it has met the celestial army head on. When space shuttles are launched from Cape Canaveral hardly anything ever goes wrong but when they are launched from Hollywood we can expect lots of trouble because trouble is what summer blockbusters are about. Impending doom is not enough; you must deliver doom, as in Deep Impact; or experience near doom in the process of avoiding it, as in Armageddon. Deep Impact and Armageddon use different approaches to the problem of delivering disaster. If you are going to have Armageddon, then you must (a) have a flawed plan to avoid it and (b) limit Armageddon to less than Armageddon, since total oblivion is much too bleak for summer fare. That is the case with Deep Impact, which delivers a watered down version of Armageddon. On the other hand, if you are going to avoid Armageddon altogether, as is the case with Armageddon, you must (a) satisfy the disaster expectations with shallow impacts and (b) dedicate yourself to the proposition that every solution has a problem. The world finally survives, but the devil is in saving it. If disbelief is the coin of admission, Armageddon comes at a higher price. Deep Impact can afford to be realistic, because it plans to deliver the goods (Armageddon). Armageddon, however, after getting the minidisasters out the way, must strain credulity to the limit and well beyond in terms of tactical crises as a substitute for Armageddon. In Armageddon you get not one digital countdown but two. Taking both to the last second would have been in terrible taste, so the blue and the green wires, or the red and the yellow or whatever the colors, are cut with 3 seconds to spare in the first case. That significant sacrifice is the price that the screenwriters paid for the indulgence of avoiding the end of the world in the second case by the slim margin of just one second, which is the accepted standard. Both films are curiously faithful to the notion of a sacrificial lamb. I would be loath to accuse Christ of setting a bad precedent, but perhaps out of respect Hollywood refused to spare the world without the sacrifice of a hero. The fact that Hollywood felt compelled to put Christian formula ahead of Hollywood formula may be credibly used by the religious crowd as another example of the deep stronghold of the value-trader ethic in our culture. As a result we have two perfectly good actors, Robert Duvall and Bruce Willis going down in a style completely foreign to the image of the indestructible, infallible summer superhero. Any film in which humanity is bracing itself for imminent death will become a corn field at some point. The poignant good byes in Deep Impact involve characters that we either don’t know or care little for. As a result the sentimental farewells are maudlin and slightly annoying. By contrast, the corresponding scenes in Armageddon are integrated in the story. For the most part they are effective and well acted. In Deep Impact Robert Duvall delivers the competent job that is expected from a veteran of his caliber. Tea Leoni played her part too well for her own good. She was transparent: we saw the character and not the actress, which is good, and she played without Pacino hysterics or Nicholson histrionics, which should also be good. However, Hollywood (read audiences) does not reward that kind of integrity. The character was authentic and unfortunately, as such, not terribly likeable and a little bit dull. Ron Eldard was well behaved but lacked the gravity that is expected from a mission commander. Perhaps it is his voice, or it may be that asking him and us to make the transition from tubal imebecility to wide-screen rocket science is more than he and we could handle. In Armageddon, Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, neither of which aspire to make us forget Maurice Evans, communicated surprisingly well the dimensions that should surface when substantial men of action face moral dilemmas. The inevitable father-daughter conflict was dead serious business in Deep Impact. In Armageddon it fluctuated between comedy relief and real emotion. This was just one case of the tongue-in-cheek approach with which Armageddon mollified the core of conflict which was none the less communicated in full measure. Steve Buscemi and Bob Thornton contributed strong performances in Armageddon. Deep Impact’s supporting cast was star studded, some of them burned out and others still (elsewhere) incandescent: Vanessa “The Van” Redgrave, Maximilian Schell, Morgan Freeman, James Cromwell. Good actors with little to do but stay ahead of their creditors or advance the custodial accounts as the case may be. The Oscar however goes to MSNBC, who steals the show with its unseen but pervasive presence. Shades of Rebecca. The chances that any of my readers may let the summer pass without seeing either or both of these films are less than the chances of an asteroid hit on Earth. But if by force of the gravity of unusual circumstances you may find yourself so impacted, don’t go into a deep depression; it is not the end of the world . Raise your arms and head on to the next show. After all, the films are likely to re-orbit. Am I full of rocket exhaust? Yell at me at gp14@usa.net. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Mon Aug 10 13:26:26 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.ecn.ou.edu!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!140.142.64.3!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Jerry Bosch" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Reviews: Dark Impact (1998), Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 23 Jul 1998 05:03:01 GMT Organization: http://www.supernews.com, The World's Usenet: Discussions Start Here Lines: 94 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6p6g65$110c$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 901170182 33804 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13487 Keywords: author=bosch X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:12721 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2055 THE DEEP IMPACT OF ARMAGEDDON - RANDOM THOUGHTS Warning: spoilers ahead. It is summer and the sky is falling. Hollywood has been deeply impacted and it has met the celestial army head on. When space shuttles are launched from Cape Canaveral hardly anything ever goes wrong but when they are launched from Hollywood we can expect lots of trouble because trouble is what summer blockbusters are about. Impending doom is not enough; you must deliver doom, as in Deep Impact; or experience near doom in the process of avoiding it, as in Armageddon. Deep Impact and Armageddon use different approaches to the problem of delivering disaster. If you are going to have Armageddon, then you must (a) have a flawed plan to avoid it and (b) limit Armageddon to less than Armageddon, since total oblivion is much too bleak for summer fare. That is the case with Deep Impact, which delivers a watered down version of Armageddon. On the other hand, if you are going to avoid Armageddon altogether, as is the case with Armageddon, you must (a) satisfy the disaster expectations with shallow impacts and (b) dedicate yourself to the proposition that every solution has a problem. The world finally survives, but the devil is in saving it. If disbelief is the coin of admission, Armageddon comes at a higher price. Deep Impact can afford to be realistic, because it plans to deliver the goods (Armageddon). Armageddon, however, after getting the minidisasters out the way, must strain credulity to the limit and well beyond in terms of tactical crises as a substitute for Armageddon. In Armageddon you get not one digital countdown but two. Taking both to the last second would have been in terrible taste, so the blue and the green wires, or the red and the yellow or whatever the colors, are cut with 3 seconds to spare in the first case. That significant sacrifice is the price that the screenwriters paid for the indulgence of avoiding the end of the world in the second case by the slim margin of just one second, which is the accepted standard. Both films are curiously faithful to the notion of a sacrificial lamb. I would be loath to accuse Christ of setting a bad precedent, but perhaps out of respect Hollywood refused to spare the world without the sacrifice of a hero. The fact that Hollywood felt compelled to put Christian formula ahead of Hollywood formula may be credibly used by the religious crowd as another example of the deep stronghold of the value-trader ethic in our culture. As a result we have two perfectly good actors, Robert Duvall and Bruce Willis going down in a style completely foreign to the image of the indestructible, infallible summer superhero. Any film in which humanity is bracing itself for imminent death will become a corn field at some point. The poignant good byes in Deep Impact involve characters that we either don’t know or care little for. As a result the sentimental farewells are maudlin and slightly annoying. By contrast, the corresponding scenes in Armageddon are integrated in the story. For the most part they are effective and well acted. In Deep Impact Robert Duvall delivers the competent job that is expected from a veteran of his caliber. Tea Leoni played her part too well for her own good. She was transparent: we saw the character and not the actress, which is good, and she played without Pacino hysterics or Nicholson histrionics, which should also be good. However, Hollywood (read audiences) does not reward that kind of integrity. The character was authentic and unfortunately, as such, not terribly likeable and a little bit dull. Ron Eldard was well behaved but lacked the gravity that is expected from a mission commander. Perhaps it is his voice, or it may be that asking him and us to make the transition from tubal imebecility to wide-screen rocket science is more than he and we could handle. In Armageddon, Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, neither of which aspire to make us forget Maurice Evans, communicated surprisingly well the dimensions that should surface when substantial men of action face moral dilemmas. The inevitable father-daughter conflict was dead serious business in Deep Impact. In Armageddon it fluctuated between comedy relief and real emotion. This was just one case of the tongue-in-cheek approach with which Armageddon mollified the core of conflict which was none the less communicated in full measure. Steve Buscemi and Bob Thornton contributed strong performances in Armageddon. Deep Impact’s supporting cast was star studded, some of them burned out and others still (elsewhere) incandescent: Vanessa “The Van” Redgrave, Maximilian Schell, Morgan Freeman, James Cromwell. Good actors with little to do but stay ahead of their creditors or advance the custodial accounts as the case may be. The Oscar however goes to MSNBC, who steals the show with its unseen but pervasive presence. Shades of Rebecca. The chances that any of my readers may let the summer pass without seeing either or both of these films are less than the chances of an asteroid hit on Earth. But if by force of the gravity of unusual circumstances you may find yourself so impacted, don’t go into a deep depression; it is not the end of the world . Raise your arms and head on to the next show. After all, the films are likely to re-orbit. Am I full of rocket exhaust? Yell at me at gp14@usa.net. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Aug 20 10:55:18 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: jammer@epsico.com (Jamahl Epsicokhan) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 20 Aug 1998 01:16:05 GMT Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Lines: 170 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6rftcl$u4o$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: jammer@epsico.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer24.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 903575765 30872 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13873 Keywords: author=epsicokhan X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer24.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13097 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2090 This review contains some minor spoilers for the feature film "Armageddon," but I promise not to give away any major revelations concerning the plot. Nutshell: Big, dumb, and expensive. Certainly not boring, but certainly not unpredictable or memorable, either. ----- Armageddon (USA, 1998) PG-13, 150 minutes Cast includes: Bruce Willis (Harry S. Stamper), Billy Bob Thornton (Dan Truman), Liv Tyler (Grace Stamper), Ben Affleck (A.J. Frost), Will Patton (Charles (Chick) Chapple), Peter Stormare (Lev Andropov), Keith David (General Kimsey), Steve Buscemi (Rockhound) Distributed by Touchstone Pictures Screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Ann Hurd, and Michael Bay Directed by Michael Bay Review by Jamahl Epsicokhan Rating out of 4: ** ----- "Armageddon" is a technically skilled summer crowd-pleaser that's about as deep tissue paper, with a brain that operates on the power of a nine-volt battery. It's formulaic, predictable, and can't be taken remotely seriously for more than about 10 seconds at a time. This is a movie where you must walk in, instantly suspend all disbelief, see a series of elaborate special-effects sequences on the screen, and never once stop to think about any of it. Then again, why on earth else would you want to see this movie? This is what summer blockbusters are all about these days. If you go in looking for anything deep or challenging, you're wasting your time. What you'll get in "Armageddon" is all polish and no substance--a story that will occupy your attention for 150 minutes and never really bore you, but at the same time is something you can (and probably will) forget about almost instantly afterward. It's effective bubble-gum cinema--chewing gum for the mind. Considering we've already covered the topic of cosmic collision once this year (see "Deep Impact"), and that film was supposedly the more substantive episode of angst, it seems only natural that this time when we go through the cataclysmic exercise, we don't really stop to look at how people would act with doomsday at hand. This is a nonstop action picture, plain and simple. "Armageddon" emerges from what I'm calling the Jerry Bruckheimer school of cinema, an institute that brought us similar recent summer escapism in the form of "Bad Boys," "The Rock," and "Con Air." Among the alumni of this institution are directors Simon West ("Con Air"), Tony Scott ("Top Gun," "Crimson Tide"), and of course Michael Bay (this film, "Bad Boys," and "The Rock"). Bruckheimer's institute is one that ensures no camera may be allowed to sit stationary (it must always track or pan slowly), and that no shot be allowed to exist for more than five or so seconds before there's a cut to another angle. Oh, and the film must be wall-to-wall with music. (It's strange: The above-mentioned Bruckheimer films used several different composers, yet the score always sounds about the same.) But never mind. "Armageddon" is in the tradition of large-scaled summer disaster action. In this case, a meteor "the size of Texas" is discovered to be on a collision course with Earth. With only 18 days to stop it, NASA recruits expert oil driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) and his band of misfits to go up in space shuttles, drill a hole deep into the asteroid, and detonate a nuclear bomb inside it to shove it off course. Stamper wants things done right, and done his way. He's the type of guy who, when he realizes his protege (Ben Affleck) is sleeping with his daughter (Liv Tyler), he chases the guy all through his oil rig with a loaded shotgun, and later confesses he was just trying to scare him. (But of course!) Once the movie gets into space, it's relentless in its visuals and action sequences, but I can't say that I was particularly thrilled by much of it. A steady diet of "extreme action" doesn't equate excitement. It has to connect on some sort of emotional level. The special effects merely grow tiring after awhile. Sure, they're more or less convincing, but they're also so quickly edited together that sometimes it just feels like random chaos on the screen. And there's simply not enough invested in the story to make me believe that these people were really saving the world, and not just going through the motions of elaborate stunt coordination and digital artistry. Besides, I've seen so many effects-laden movies lately that I just don't find the eye candy all that tempting anymore. "Armageddon" plays like a series of tasks: We have to promise our loved ones that we'll succeed! We have to stop that asteroid before it hits us! We have to get off this space station before it blows up! We have to cut the blue wire before the bomb goes off! We have to crack our joke for this scene to prove that we can be funny! Every scene is essentially the same: Crisis, resolution, wry one-liner from Steve Buscemi. What's lacking is cleverness, spontaneity, and interesting turns in the action. There are a couple of major snags for Our Heroes, but they're derivative of snags we've seen over and over again in the movies. (Name an action film where the heroes could actually trust the government to do the right thing rather than being at the mercy of bureaucratic officials who are persuaded by invisible advisers to take what is so obviously the wrong action. Name an action film where a countdown bomb isn't stopped with three seconds to spare. And so on.) I think the main problem with the oversized disaster movies of recent years is that they just make the stakes too laughably high. "Independence Day," "Deep Impact," "Godzilla," and now "Armageddon"--all are movies where the price of failure is the destruction of the world and/or humanity itself. The outcome of what lies in the story's background is always a foregone conclusion, yet the characters still exist in a movie cliche world of discussing trivial relationships and cracking one-liners when widespread dread and despair should probably be winning out. "Armageddon" gets past this problem by effectively ignoring it, keeping the end of the world completely out of its mind except in the most superficial of ways. It reduces "saving the world" to a goal which will earn its characters hero status. Consider a scene where a large asteroid fragment hits Paris, destroying half the city. Does anyone seem to care? Nope; it's just an excuse for a "really cool special effect." Can't we scale back just a little bit? Action and special effects are certainly fun, but if the characters don't have to carry the unfathomably ridiculous weight of saving the world upon their shoulders, then won't there be a little more breathing room for the standard examination of various relationships and personality quirks? I tend to think so, because with the plot of "Armageddon" there's not a twist or surprise to be found anywhere on the horizon. Everything that happens follows the formula from A to B; every emotion is cued with blatantly obvious manipulation; every bit of comic relief is applied on cue; everything that happens can be anticipated five scenes in advance. Watching this movie, I felt like I was watching a large Hollywood production trying so very hard to be huge, appealing, funny, and entertaining. To a degree, it worked. Most of the performances are right on target given their cardboard parameters, the suspense scenes are sometimes taut and well-played (if hopelessly predictable), and there are moments when the movie almost won me over before the formula turned obvious and snapped me back into reality. But never, for one moment, was the spell of sexy, shallow, visually motivated cinema outweighed by the spell (or lack thereof) of characters or story events. I could say I got caught up in isolated pieces of the movie for brief moments at a time, but I can't say that I was ever caught up in the flow of the narrative. What this movie aspires to be is what you can find has been done 10 times better in "Apollo 13" (1995). When it comes down to it, both films are about people in high-pressure situations trying to perform. The difference is that "Apollo 13's" suspense was believable on human terms, making it more exciting. "Armageddon" is just big and dumb. Even so, if you just want overblown, overwrought, over-sensational comic book summer entertainment that fully knows just how loony it is, then "Armageddon" delivers. If you want characters that are even remotely complex, or a plot that doesn't exist for the sole sake of special effects sequences and cardboard manipulation, then please look elsewhere. ----- Copyright (c) 1998 by Jamahl Epsicokhan, all rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this article is prohibited. Jammer's Movie Reviews - http://www.epsico.com/movies/ Jamahl Epsicokhan - jammer@epsico.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Aug 26 17:59:42 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news-peer-europe.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!Sprint!howland.erols.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!192.220.250.21!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "David Wilcock" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 24 Aug 1998 18:38:54 GMT Organization: None Lines: 58 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6rsbvu$ffo$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: "David Wilcock" NNTP-Posting-Host: homer39.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 903983934 15864 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #13917 Keywords: author=wilcock X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer39.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13125 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2092 ARMAGEDDON A review by David Wilcock (C)1998 (TOUCHSTONE PICTURES) RUNNING TIME: 2 HOURS 24 MINUTES. STARRING BRUCE WILLIS, BILLY BOB THORNTON, LIV TYLER AND BEN AFFLECK. DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY. The second meteorite movie after the dire Deep Impact (1998) is brought by the team who produced the dire action movie The Rock (1996). Luckily, however, Armageddon is better than both of these films, and provides entertaining summer fare. The 'plot' is that an asteroid is about to hit Earth, and a group of normal people (Bruce Willis being the ringleader) are sent into space to nuke the asteroid from the inside, bouncing it off course. Naturally, there's lot of death, destruction, and impressive special effects along the way. Jerry Bruckheimer has produced another big action movie, but this one tries to be a little different by trying to develop the characters a bit more. Unfortunately, it spends too long trying to develop decidedly dull characters, and the audience starts to long for the action sequences. Amongst the characters, NASA guy Dan Truman (Thornton) Bruce Willis, and a whacked out Steve Buscemi provide any interest, while the rest of the characters are boring, 2-D stereotypes, the kind of characters Bruckheimers films specialize in. The script dosen't fare much better, with the usual boring statements, although Buscemi does deliver the odd funny line. Liv Tylers and Ben Afflecks love scenes, however, are so terribly messed up they shouldn't have been included at all. The lines they say are banal, and out of place in this movie. When the film does finally gets to business with the action, it's directed well, with some tense sequences and some great action. The destruction on Earth looks much better than Deep Impact's, and the outer space sequences are great also. All of this will be lost on home video, of course, so try to see this film in the movie theatre. The special effects are truly special, and none of it looks too cheesy (like parts of Godzilla) Armageddon, although suffering from a few flaws, is entertaining, and most of the time has the right balance of drama, action and comedy. Although the movie could be a bit shorter, and perhaps a bit more effort (rather than time) spent on developing the characters, this could of been a better movie. Generally, however, Armageddon is good summer entertainment, and certainly worth seeing. OVERALL RATING=*** OUT OF ***** REVIEW BY DAVID WILCOCK ©1998 DAVID WILCOCK david.wilcock@btinternet.com Visit the Wilcock Movie Page! http://wilcockmovie.home.ml.org -OR- http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/9061 Recieve Wilcock Movie Page Reviews via E-MAIL Send a blank E-MAIL to wmp-reviews-subscribe@makelist.com to join the mailing list! From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Sep 11 15:58:20 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!192.220.250.21!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Rob Ehrlich Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Sep 1998 20:23:21 GMT Organization: University of Washington Lines: 32 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6t9cfp$19s4$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: crimson__tide@hotmail.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer38.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 905459001 42884 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #14174 Keywords: author=ehrlich X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer38.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13402 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2106 A Film Review by Robert Ehrlich Directed by Michael Bay Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay, Gale Anne Hurd Written by Jonathan Hensleigh (8 other people too) After watching Armageddon I realized that I had watched an extremely long commercial. A 150 minute commercial to be exact. The director, Michael Bay, had me interested in the beginning of the film, and I began to think that it would be like The Rock in outer space. But the only thing that was pretty much the same about both films was Michael Bay's style, Jerry Bruckheimer as producer, John Schwartzman as Cinematographer, and Jonathan Hensleigh as the writer who wasn't credited for The Rock. All of these guys can't make a good film? OH! I'm sorry. I forgot about the other eight writers for this film. They're the ones that had the characters say lines such as: "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" One "It's gonna blow!" for each writer, and one more for good luck. If I want to here someone say "It's gonna blow!" or see something that is going to "blow", then I'd see a Russ Myer film. I did "enjoy" the film, but I won't say any bad things about Michael Bay or Jerry Bruckheimer because they are good film-makers. I guess im so disappointed because I was waiting since last year for this film to come out. Now I have to wait till late November for Bruckheimer to redeem himself with Tony Scott's Enemy of the State. And I'll have to wait even longer till Bay gets another project. From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Sep 11 15:58:53 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!nntp.se.dataphone.net!newsfeed.online.no!uio.no!logbridge.uoregon.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: "Kleszczewski, Nicholas" Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 10 Sep 1998 21:10:50 GMT Organization: None Lines: 58 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6t9f8q$ha2$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer38.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 905461850 17730 (None) 140.142.17.37 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #14196 Keywords: author=kleszczewski X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer38.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13373 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2105 Armageddon Hello kids. Today the movie studios want to take over my critical review, and somehow persuade you that _Armageddon_, the summer's biggest blockbuster, is a film for everybody. And remember, if a film is for _everybody_, and if it makes the most money for the summer, it _must_ be good, right? Armageddon is a COMEDY, with a capital "C". It stars BRUCE WILLIS, who has a hundred one-liners! It has a tiny rock land directly in the middle of a heated argument in New York City!! And, chuckle, chuckle, one of those New Yorkers, _survives_, with charcoal all over his face!! Snorkle, *sniff*, hiccup. And it has Steve Buscemi as a _genius_ who wants to work for an oil rig? Knee-SLAP!! Isn't this just so, so, funny!? Armageddon also has ROMANCE, with a capital "R". It has a tender moment between *forbidden lovers* Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler, with, with, Animal Crackers! And it has Will Patton as a long lost husband trying to reunite with his separated wife and child, who thinks he's a SALESMAN! Gurgle, *sniff*, awwwww. And it has Steve Buscemi spewing more one-liners about minors and strippers. Umm, moving right along... Armageddon also has lots of ACTION, with a capital "A". Not just any action sequence would do. It must have _original_ action sequences that are designed to thrill. Like, DRILL, darn it, DRILL!!! And, let's have inept people destroy the MIR space station!! Can't you hear your heart beating!? And Steve Buscemi goes crazy and starts shooting at people!! What drama!! Lastly, Armageddon is out there to save the PLANET, with a capital "P". This can't be any old thriller--we must have an asteroid, the size of Texas head straight for earth!! And, and, we must have beautiful scenic worldwide shots, like Paris, BLOWN UP. And, and, we must have peoples of all colors, nations, and religions, join hand in hand for one final, hopeful, HUG. The final sequence, where Muslims in prostrate worship stand up--in Domino fashion--to cheer the victory, filled me with such emotional goo that I wanted to, to, to rip the screen into shreds!! I mean, I mean, cheer for ecstatic joy! (It was over). Comedy. "C". Romance. "R". Action. "A". Planet. "P". Okay, kids, what does that spell? Seriously, folks. Any film that could take the indie-films' most valuable talents, and throw it all away with a Bruce Willis vehicle, a hundred-million dollar budget, but have cheap-o sets and lousy special effects, is, bottom line, living proof that hell exists, and has made a multi-picture deal with Universal. In the midst of all the action, the terseness, the one-liners, the fake sets, the overall WASTE of TIME, I recognized Matt Malloy playing an underwritten NASA technician ("Malloy, give me a reading"). Remember him? He was a principal player in last year's _In the Company of Men_, a film that was more powerful, shocking, terrifying, funny, and shocking than _Armageddon_ could ever aspire to be. _Armageddon_ cost over $100 million to make. _ITCOM_ cost a paltry $30,000. Need I say more? Nick Scale (1 to 10): 2 From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Oct 2 13:32:56 1998 From: James Sanford Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 26 Sep 1998 16:28:42 GMT Organization: MCI2000 Lines: 116 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <6uj4nq$qlq$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer13.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 906827322 27322 (None) 140.142.17.39 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #14333 Keywords: author=sanford X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer13.u.washington.edu Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!news.solace.mh.se!news.xinit.se!news.xinit.se!nntp.se.dataphone.net!news.pi.se!news-peer-europe.sprintlink.net!Sprint!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!newsfeed.direct.ca!news.u.washington.edu!grahams Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13529 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2113 ARMAGEDDON Directed by Michael Bay A case could probably be made that Jerry Bruckheimer and the late Don Simpson are the two men most responsible for the sorry state of the American movie blockbuster. Why was "Godzilla" so godawful? Why did "Speed 2" crash and burn last year? Why did 99 percent of the people who saw it despise "Batman & Robin"? It all goes back to a little movie called "Flashdance." Back in 1983, then-fledgling producers Simpson and Bruckheimer took what was essentially a wisp of an idea -- blue-collar girl dreams of becoming a ballerina -- gussied it up with eye-scorching visuals, set it to a pulsating soundtrack, chopped it together to look like the longest, sexiest MTV clip ever and made a film that became an overnight phenomenon. Cashing in on the rah-rah jingoism of the Reagan era, the duo put together fighter jets, Tom Cruise and a handful of power-ballads and created "Top Gun," a sort of "Flashdance Goes To War." The immense success of these pictures did not go unnoticed by the rest of the film industry, and soon the prevailing attitude in Hollywood seemed to be, "Who cares about characters, plot or dialogue? Just make it look really hot!". Though Simpson and Bruckheimer's magic formula finally lost its fizzle when Cruise's "Days of Thunder" (jokingly referred to by many as "Top Car") quickly ran out of gas at the box-office in 1990, by then the damage was already done: Years of seeing films that emphasized style over substance had shaped the minds and tastes of a new generation of would-be filmmakers who have devoutly followed The Gospel According To Simpson And Bruckheimer. These are the folks who churn out movies like "Batman & Robin," "Speed 2" and "Godzilla," expensive packages that look sensational but are really just concepts in search of development. Michael Bay is one such young director. Trained in the arena of music videos, where no shot can last more than three seconds and chaos is something to achieve rather than avoid, Bay proved in his first features "Bad Boys" and "The Rock" that even though he can't actually tell a story, he can make whatever's going on look plenty exciting. Shoot the people we should admire from low angles, go into slow-motion every time something important is about to take place, make sure everybody sweats picturesquely, and you're halfway home. Bay's hyperactive style gets a workout in the Bruckheimer-produced "Armageddon," a breathless and utterly brainless the-sky-is-falling epic that's so cold and contrived it makes the similarly themed and much more sentimental "Deep Impact" look like "Schindler's List" by comparison. What matters most to Bay and the "Armageddon" screenwriters is destruction instead of drama and pyrotechnics, not people. Its almost total incoherence makes "Armageddon" a kind of breakthrough: This may be the first movie that's actually just a 150-minute trailer for itself. The special effects are generally impressive, particularly an opening attack on New York by a swarm of blazing meteorites and an otherworldly storm in the last half-hour. In between those exciting segments is a plot any seven-year-old could spot the holes in, yet "Armageddon" wears its stupidity as a badge of honor, like the loud-mouthed class moron who tries to make intelligent classmates feel ashamed of their good grades. It can't be a coincidence that every character in the movie with a college education turns out to be ineffectual or prissy and that the burden of saving the world falls on the brawny shoulders of a bunch of hard-livin' roughnecks who don't let silly things like rules and regulations hold them back. Perhaps the biggest shock in "Armageddon" comes when these former oil drillers submit their list of demands to be met in exchange for going into space to stop the Texas-size asteroid that's about to terminate all life on Earth: Although they ask never to have to pay taxes again and to get all their parking tickets fixed, the boys forget to insist the "Porky's" trilogy be brought along as the in-flight entertainment. The leader of the mission is maverick drilling legend Harry S. Stamper, played by Bruce Willis as a man with all the imagination and passion of a metronome. For some reason, as Willis' paychecks have grown substantially larger over the years, his performances have become less and less interesting. Look back at a "Moonlighting" repeat or the original "Die Hard" and you'll see an actor who wanted to entertain people. Look at "Armageddon" and you'll see a self-satisfied star waiting to be adored. Stamper has a twentysomething daughter Grace (Liv Tyler) who's secretly wrinkling the sheets with Stamper's protege A.J. (Ben Affleck). When Stamper first learns of the couple's afternoon delights, he responds by grabbing a shotgun and chasing A.J. all over an oil rig, blasting away recklessly while "black gold" rains down on one and all. This scene occurs about ten minutes into "Armageddon," and offers a preview of the documentary-style realism to come in the next two hours and 20 minutes. Almost immediately after this lighthearted escapade, Stamper and Grace are seized by government agents and whisked off to Washington, where NASA honcho Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) begs Stamper to help destroy the killer rock that's hurtling toward our planet at 22,000 miles per hour. "Not a soul on Earth can hide from it," Truman warns, although lines such as this may cause the audience to wonder if he's referring to the asteroid or Disney's insanely expensive worldwide marketing campaign for "Armageddon." >From this point on, you can probably put together the rest of the movie yourself. Just cut your I.Q. in half and remember to spice up your confused action sequences with rollicking comic interludes of the sort generally not found outside straight-to-video "Ernest" flicks. Halfway through "Armageddon" a goofy, English-mangling Cosmonaut (Peter Stormare) turns up to do an extended hommage to that oft-ignored quipmaster Yakov Smirnoff. To quote another former space traveller, "Oh, the pain, the pain!". Affleck, sporting distractingly bright new caps on his teeth that are hardly in keeping with his character's hard-scrabble past, generally looks lost amidst the fireworks. Tyler's portrayal shows once and for all she's the Daryl Hannah of the '90s, a beautiful face with no personality and in dire need of a strong director to bring out her potential. Hannah lucked out in such films as "Roxanne" and "Steel Magnolias"; Tyler was perfectly fine in "That Thing You Do" and "Stealing Beauty." But Bay isn't the kind of director who cares about performances anyhow: As long as you can shout your dialogue over the ruckus in the background, you're O.K. in his book. Though Thornton lends a certain gravity to a colorless part, the only actor who really enlivens "Armageddon" is Steve Buscemi, whose frequent zingers are so much sharper than anything else in the script -- most of "Armageddon"'s dialogue consists of variations on "I've got to inform the President," "Suck it up," and the ever-popular "Go! Go! Go!" -- it would not be a shock to discover they were ad-libbed. The only other moments of humor in this turgid experience come from the filmmakers' attempts to visualize life in the American Midwest, which they see as a place somewhere between "The Waltons" and "The Grapes of Wrath," with ancient trucks, antique radios, Moms in cotton housedresses and young'uns cavorting in rickety homemade go-carts they might well have borrowed from The Little Rascals. What a wonderful world it would be if "Armageddon" opened at the local picture show and all the real-life Midwesterners stayed home to listen to Buck Rogers radio dramas and read Flash Gordon comics instead. James Sanford From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Oct 2 13:36:17 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!Cabal.CESspool!bofh.vszbr.cz!howland.erols.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!192.220.250.21!netnews1.nw.verio.net!netnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: agapow@latcs1.cs.latrobe.edu.au (p-m agapow) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 1 Oct 1998 05:02:25 GMT Organization: Calvin Coolidge Home for Dead Biologists Lines: 102 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Distribution: world Message-ID: <6uv2d1$svk$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer39.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 907218145 29684 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #14461 Keywords: author=agapow X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer39.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:13643 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2114 # [film] "Armageddon" A Postview, copyright 1998 p-m agapow A bunch of good ol' boys are sent into space to bicker and eventually destroy yet another asteroid on an Earth-bound course. There is much shouting and explosions. Starting late last year, we were subjected to teaser ads that declared "1998 is closer than you think!". By June and the release of "Deep Impact", with teasers still coming thick and fast, I was beginning to wonder if that line was intended as a reminder to the filmmakers. But "Armageddon" has arrived at last and proves to be much like other Bruckheimer productions (e.g. "Con Air", "The Rock"), only more so. And this is how it is: As you all know, cosmic objects can't help but attack the North American continent and well known landmarks. All it takes is a quick meteor shower on New York, the destruction of the Chrysler building (again) and NASA realises that it's in the middle of a disaster film. An asteroid "the size of Texas" is headed straight for Earth. Terrified by the idea of there being two Texases (or Texii), NASA honcho Billy Bob Thornton panics. He's surrounded by a bunch of geeks and the only people who can solve problems like this are men, real men like ... ... restaurateur and sometime actor Bruce Willis, here playing a psychotic gun-nut. When he's not threatening employees with a shotgun or being Oedipal with his daughter (Liv Tyler, rigid and with pupils the size of theoretical nuclear particles), Bruce is the best oil well driller on the planet . So when Bruce is shown NASA's plan (as is traditional, land on asteroid, drill a hole and blow it up with a couple of nukes left over from the Cold War), he scoffs at the idea of sending astronauts to do a man's job. What you really need is a group of psychotic gun-nuts. The Michigan Militia aren't available, so Bruce's drillcrew are on the job. As the crew contains Clear Eyed Singlet Hero (Ben Affleck), Mr Pink (Steve Buscemi), Big Black Dude, Cowboy and Retard, you realise you are about to descend into Character Actor Hell. The oil crew kid around a lot while Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler make a bid for Most Annoying Screen Couple of All Time. Realising that this quest is doomed (Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor having a lock on that title), they blast off for the asteroid, stopping only for some brief racism on a Russian space station. Later the gravitational pull exerted by Bruce's ego causes one of the shuttles to crash, killing a lot of nameless astronauts and Ben Affleck. In response the audience goes wild and Liv Tyler goes catatonic. In fact the shock is so great that it reaches back in time and renders her catatonic from the beginning of the film. But back on Earth, we can see people following the tribulations of our heroes. Curiously enough, from these segments we can see that the population of the United States consists of (a) New York, and (b) some bucolic never-never-land, filmed through a foggy lens, populated by hayseeds who peer anxiously at the TV between holding soapbox derbys and mopping the cows. Did they just splice in clips from "The Waltons"? But things are going too well, and there's an hour of film and six gadzillion dollars of special effects to use up. So, in short order (a) the military try and stab our boys in the back, (b) Mr Pink grabs a gun and starts shooting things, and (c) the asteroid attacks the crew. Really. All those hayseeds back in Ray-Bradbury-land look anxious and squint at their TVs. Will our heroes make it before the precisely plotted deadline? Of course they will. Duh. "Armageddon" is raucous, noisy, bigoted and dumb by turns. It goes on for far too long, piles on the pathos and setbacks to the point of absurdity and is so intent on setting up its ragtag team as rebels and the only ones who can do the job, that everyone else looks incompetent. Consider the basic absurdity of scenes like where the team hard bargains for its rewards. (Think about it - cancel my parking tickets and give me a tax free income or the planet dies.) But "Armageddon" is the only BDP (Big Dumb Picture) of recent times to even partially succeed, with the sound and fury distracting you from plot idiocies. There are even some good things about "Armageddon". At least it realises that there is a world outside of North America (unlike "Deep Impact") and deals with the disaster as a global event, complete with nice if cliched images of Parisian cafes, church services in Italy, prayer meetings in India. A few of the supporting characters are well drawn too, and shine past the competitive overacting of the leads. (Or underacting in Liv Tyler's case.) All in all, one should not think too closely about this picture. Place your critical judgement aside and accept it as a disposable piece of entertainment that will quickly fade as you leave the cinema, leaving not even a bad taste behind. [**/ok] and boutique beer on the Sid and Nancy scale. "Armageddon" Released 1998. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Ann Hurd et al. Director Michael Bay. Starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Will Patton. -- Paul-Michael Agapow (p.agapow@ic.ac.uk), Dept. Biology, Imperial College "We were too young, lived too fast and had too much technology ..." From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Nov 20 17:01:20 1998 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!erix.ericsson.se!uabs63.uab.ericsson.se!news.sics.se!newsfeed.sunet.se!news01.sunet.se!news99.sunet.se!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!news.idt.net!newsfeed.direct.ca!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: thevinegar@usa.net (Eric Vinegart) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 19 Nov 1998 06:21:44 GMT Organization: ISPNews http://ispnews.com Lines: 225 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <730ddo$13ai$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: thevinegar@usa.net NNTP-Posting-Host: homer07.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 911456505 36178 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #15312 Keywords: author=vinegart X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer07.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:14517 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2176 At The Movies -- "Armageddon" By Eric Vinegärt Image available at: http://www.bigfoot.com/~thevinegar TEMPE, AZ -- I wanted to see American History X today, with the idea of writing a review for The Vinegar, however, Brandi and I have been hiking in Phoenix's South Mountain Park too long, and now we've run out of time in order to catch the beginning of the movie. A quick check of the cinema listings in the newspaper lets us know that Armageddon starts in 15 minutes at a nearby theater, so we settle on that plan, instead. Brandi and I have been spending the day together (her only day-off since last Sunday) in the beautiful outdoors of 80-degree Arizona in what must now be winter for most other parts of the U.S. Both of us absolutely love hiking, especially the remote reaches of Arizona, and had Brandi not discovered a nice little cave accessible by only employing small lie-back and arm-bar moves (that's technical rock-climbing parlance for the extreme-sport-challenged), we would've never been delayed to miss our plans to see American History X. Oh well. Ask me if I care! I'm approaching mid-life-crisis age, and when I'm in the company of a beautiful 23-year-old woman, I'm happy to be anywhere. If I were serving a life-time prison sentence, it'd be Seventh Heaven so long as a woman like Brandi was in my cell with me. For any of you wondering what quality I may posses that attracts Brandi to a man roughly the age of her father, you might be better served to find the answer by directing your curiosity not towards me, but instead to Brandi and her qualities. She's not easily impressed by popular-culture bullshit. In other words, she's a thinking woman, fully capable of arriving at truthful and accurate conclusion -- unaided by back-seat coaching from all the know-nothings on media pedestals. And if she suspects a man wants her only for her body, he's dead meat. Even if he's smarter than her, she can't be fooled. Anyway, Armageddon has been out now way too long to demand another review. The Internet Movie Database lists more than 140 already, and who the hell needs another critic? But in Armageddon there is one scene (actually a thread) that Brandi reacts to in exactly the same way I do. It's what I want to focus on today, and it's what helps illustrates an interesting point. And I'll bet real money that none of those other reviews makes mention of it. Armageddon is about a Texas-sized asteroid on a collision course with earth. NASA recruits a roughneck drilling team (not unlike the Dirty Dozen, but who prefer crap tables, tattoo parlors and whore houses), fast-tracts them to become astronauts, then launches them via space shuttle into slingshot orbit around the moon so they can land on the doomsday asteroid. There they drill an 800-foot core, implant a nuke, detonate it, and save the world. The crew (what's left of them) returns safely to earth, where they are given a hero's welcome. Each crew member has been facing deep personal issues, and it is the challenge of Charles "Chick" Chapple (Will Patton) that caught Brandi's eye (and mine). On the eve of their launch, roughneck Chick shows up on the doorstep of his ex-wife (Judith Hoag) who has had a restraining order against him. Playing in the front yard is Chick's small son who he sees for the first time. It's obviously a last-ditch effort to finally see his 7-year-old child, knowing full well he'll probably be killed on the asteroid mission he's about to embark upon. The mother, not wanting her son to know his father, introduces Chick as a salesman. Obviously delighted to meet his son under any circumstance, Chick only wants to see him for the first time, and perhaps the last. He tells his ex he's going on a mission tomorrow that might make her proud, and presents his son with a model copy of the space shuttle. Because the audience already knows where this scene might go, it's a moving moment for everyone, I'm sure. Will Patton superbly conveys Chick's anguish of loneliness and the empty life of a person denied the companionship of those he loves. Contrasted to the fact that this man may well never return to realize happiness with his son and the woman he has loved, it's a powerful, pivotal message. It's obvious that Chick has been at wits end for ways to please his former wife. When he said that he's going on a mission that may make her proud, we know that he has always wanted her and that he has been living a hell in isolation and loneliness. Patton has no trouble conveying this message to all but the brain-dead in the audience. And for anyone wondering why men commit suicide at four times the rate that women do, the movie should illustrate the gut-wrenching frustration leading to it -- but probably doesn't. Brandi's comment while watching this scene is one word, "Disgusting!!!" "Disgusting" that any woman would hold so much contempt for a man to not let him ever meet his very own son. Disgusting because his ex once held Chick in high enough regard to marry him, but then discarded him because he had not lived up to HER expectations. In other words, a low-life roughnecker isn't exactly the man portrayed by popular culture that even the lowest form of woman should aspire to for her Mr. Right, and instead is an expendable animal easily replaced. "Yeah right." "So why is she still single?", wonders Brandi. Brandi lost her father to an automobile accident when she was about the age as Chick's son, and who knows better than her what it's like to live in a world where everyone has had a father but her? It's one thing for God or fate to take your daddy away, but quite another for your mother to do it for you. Obviously, Brandi sees not Chick as an evil monster here, but his ex-wife as a despicable, belly-low-to-the-ground critter wrought with enough anger sufficient to deny a fatherless life for her own flesh and blood. "I wonder how many people see this scene for what it really is?", Brandi wants to know. When I comment that the screen writer probably inserted this scene as satire against modern-day relationships, Brandi is not so sure and wonders how many others see this scene as we do. Given the trash and fluff that's been coming out of Hollywood, Armageddon's screen writer may be just as clueless. Scenes like this one have been all-too-common during the last 30 years. And it's not just portraying all but heroic men as outcasts, but all except the most beautiful women, too, as losers. Hollywood has made a lot of money using women with narrowly defined qualities to portray that which should be desired by all men. Unfortunately, the qualities more often than not center on physical attributes -- hair color, breast size, height, and facial features -- and the harshest form of satire is unleashed against virtue and asset as exemplified by the likes of a Margaret Thatcher, for example. In other words, unless you're a Cindy Crawford, a Claudia Schiffer or a Liv Tyler, you're trailer-park trash and should go away. On launch day for the outerspace-ward roughnecks, every media organization in the world dominates the news outlets, and when Chick's ex-wife and his son surprisingly see him on television decked out in an astronaut uniform in front of the space shuttle, Chick is no longer a salesman. Oh no. The boy's mother now says, "That's your father". It's a happy moment not for the father, but obviously for the boy who for the first time learns that his dad is -- what else in any American kid's life -- AN ASTRONAUT, for chrissakes. Again, Brandi and I see this scene for what it really displays: greed, selfishness, vice, betrayal and the worst form of child cruelty -- denial for a boy who wants his father. At the end of Armageddon, the crew returns home to a hero's welcome, and Chick finds on the tarmac his son and an ex-wife glee-stuck that her ex-husband finally realized pay dirt. This scene really gripes Brandi who says Chick is the exact same person he's always been. And only now that he's rich and famous does his ex-wife once again accept him. Chick isn't any better looking, any smarter, and his ex has no proof he won't need daily doses of Viagra, but he's rich and famous now, so that's all that matters. And boy, does she want him back. We're left thinking she'll need knee pads for a long time to come. Fuel-my-hedonism-or-you're-a-sack-of-shit message is what popular culture bombards the young, impressionable minds with daily. People are trash, zeros, scum and no good -- unless, of course, they have blonde hair, big boobs or are rich and famous. All other men and women need not apply. The plot-thread is a good ink-blot test, and an excellent tool for anyone to see the source of their own reaction as either by-product of bullshit or wholesome, mature outlook. Brandi's healthy perception of life is why she accepts me as a person. And she would've accepted you, too, for richer or poorer, had it been you who drew the card on the day I met her. So long as there's one person left in the world to accept us as we are, we'll always be blessed with at least a friend -- a friend hopefully who is generous, forgiving, patient, realistic and accepting. One last footnote about Armageddon. Both of us absolutely love the soundtrack. Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing puts Brandi's head on my shoulder, and provides one of those moments, which I will always recall whenever I hear the music, the same as many of us remember what we were doing on that moon-lit night when Neil Armstrong first set foot on the moon. Brandi is impressed with Liv Taylor's presence, and points out for me that she is the daughter of Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. After the movie, which we really enjoyed with reservation for some of the unrealistic plot and special effects, neither of us is in any mood to end the day. A little hungry, too, we wander over to The Outback in Tempe for a little vitals and libation. There are scores of affluent people here -- even on park benches outside -- waiting to be waited on and fed. Most hail from the surrounding neighborhood, which has homes complete with kitchens that alone cost more than the average price of a single-family dwelling in Arizona. People pretty much around here no longer use their kitchens, preferring the likes of The Outback, complete with cooks, waiters and busboys -- all of whom are held in about as high regard as Chick enjoyed from his ex-wife. It's unlikely any family here tonight is supported on roughneck salary, and from the looks of the size of some of these families, complete with kids in tow, in toys and in diapers, Brandi thinks some will be coughing up $200 and $300 just for Sunday dinner. Brandi and I are willing to eat at the bar, so we get to dispense with that waiting-to-eat bullshit. I'm always amazed how people haven't time to mow their own lawn, but always plenty to wait in line for food -- and every day for many. Brandi helps me notice the spoiled students in here, obviously on generous allowance to afford $4.50 for a mug of imported beer, equivalent to an hour of after-tax minimum wage for those who have to work and go to school. Brandi was disgusted by the sight of a blooming onion, which the gal down the bar a ways consumed all by herself (about 2,000 calories, folks). And I cringe now when I see the same gal carving away and wolfing down what appears to be a Porterhouse cut. Her boyfriend seems to be competing with the steak for her attention, but she's not yielding, not even between bytes. Her obvious eating disorder may explain the thunder thighs and ugly cellulite at the ripe old age of about nineteen. The salmon we order arrives quickly, and it's a good thing because we're tired of watching a bunch of gluttons on suicide missions. It's not like we're not culpable for our own vice. After all, we are drinking beer ($4.50/mug). If I (or we) ever make it to see American History X, you can be sure you'll know about it here. ________________________ Copyright (c) 1998, "The Vinegar" More at: http://www.bigfoot.com/~thevinegar From rec.arts.sf.reviews Fri Jan 8 15:13:39 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed1.news.luth.se!luth.se!news-peer-europe.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!Sprint!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!su-news-feed2.bbnplanet.com!news.gtei.net!news.stanford.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: James Brundage Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 8 Jan 1999 07:48:08 GMT Organization: None Lines: 50 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <774d7o$gts$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: "Mr. Brundage" NNTP-Posting-Host: homer38.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 915781688 17340 (None) 140.142.17.37 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #16048 Keywords: author=brundage X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer38.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:15219 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2235 *Armageddon* Directed by Michael Bay Starring: Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Liv Tyler, Billy Bob Thorton As Reviewed by James Brundage The last time we saw Bruce Willis in front of the camera riding the binge trend of apocalypse movies was in 1995, with the bizarre, twisted Terry Gilliam saga of a virus and a time travel paradox "12 Monkeys". Having just finished it as I type these words, I think back with longing to better, more original apocalypse films, where the disasters were not simply aliens or rocks in the sky, as happens in this movie. However, perhaps Bruce is the good luck charm both to apocalypse drama AND summer action films, having worked wonders in a tricky role with "12 Monkeys" and, in my mind, bringing a much better light onto this summers finest action film. Not to say that any day of the week I'd rather rent 12 Monkeys than this, or watch "The Rock" (the last GOOD action flick that Jerry Bruckheimer came out with). Deep Impact had the drama, but got an F on the action and the comedy. And, let's be honest, not many people actually GO to the movie for the drama. It's really all how on the edge of the seat you are. In Armageddon, director Michael Bay (The Rock), takes us on a thrill ride that, in this summer (with a SERIOUS dearth of films where we can just go out there and enjoy watching it), is actually fun. I'll be the first to admit its brainlessness, but I'll also be the first in line for its quirky humor (who other than Jerry Bruckheimer would cast Steve Buscemi as a serial rapist in one movie (Con Air), and a twisted genius with a sense of humor in the next (Quote: The Rubix Cube, easy. All of its easy… I've got a double-doctorate from MIT at 22, you know why I do this job: cause they let me work with explosives).), its fine thrills (both on and off the ground), and its cute but fun characters you can't help like. Most people try too much in the apocalypse film. Looking back (and I've seen just about every apocalypse film this decade, and most of them from the last one), I find only one or two that I liked all around. So few contain JUST the right amount of drama, JUST the right amount of action, and JUST the right amount of humor to create a film truly worth seeing. Three come to mind, Gilliam's "12 Monkeys", Sonnenfield's "Men in Black" (besides it being too short, it WAS a good film), and "Armageddon". No matter what your summer priority is, see this one. http://fly.to/criticsheaven From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Feb 11 16:29:47 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed2.news.luth.se!luth.se!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.gtei.net!newsfeed.xcom.net!feed1.news.rcn.net!rcn!logbridge.uoregon.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: cbloom@iquest.net (Bob Bloom) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 4 Feb 1999 18:14:20 GMT Organization: None Lines: 99 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <79co1s$ku8$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer10.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 918152060 21448 (None) 140.142.17.39 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #16491 Keywords: author=bloom X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer10.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:15687 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2252 Armageddon (1998) 2 1/2 stars out of 4. Starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Billy Bob Thornton and Steve Buscemi. Armageddon is a loud and dumb movie. Be assured that doesn't necessarily equate into bad. On the contrary, Armageddon offers an adrenaline rush of thrills, narrow escapes and explosions. To really enjoy it, though, it's best to leave your brain at the box office. Unlike this summer's other end-of-the-Earth disaster flick, Deep Impact, which at least made an attempt at a modicum of intelligence and scientific accuracy, Armageddon is pure amusement park fun. If the two movies were compared to talk shows, Deep Impact would be Oprah and Armageddon would be Jerry Springer. It's a paradox that the best science fiction films make the audience believe that their premises, no matter how improbable, could be rooted in fact. To stand out from the rest of the herd, a good science fiction movie must have a foot - or at least a big toe - in the sea of plausibility. Armageddon forgets this precept from the outset. As in Deep Impact, a body from deep space - in this case an asteroid about "the size of Texas" - is on a collision course with Earth. The difference, though, is significant. In Deep Impact, the threat was discovered more than a year before the fatal encounter. In Armageddon, impact will take place in 18 days. Hello! Anyone at Touchstone Pictures or in producer Jerry Bruckheimer's office ever hear of the Hubble Telescope? You know, that big eye circling our planet that in the past couple of years has discovered objects billions and trillions of miles away. And what about all the observatories on Earth, not to mention all the amateur astronomers who peer at the skies nightly. Think they would miss something this big? Even real events have shown how foolish this concept is. A few months ago, a scientist panicked the world for a day when he announced the discovery of an asteroid that he predicted could hit Earth about the year 2038. Luckily, his calculations were off and the asteroid will merely whiz by at a neighborly 350,000 miles. So, Armageddon's very foundation is weak. In Deep Impact, a joint U.S.-Russian team of astronauts attempt to save the world by landing on the comet, planting a nuclear device and detonating it. Armageddon uses the same scenario, but instead of professional astronauts, who does NASA select? A motley crew of blue-collar oil drillers, roughnecks, led by super-driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis). By now, you may realize that Armageddon has as much in common with science as The X-Files does with civics. So, with less than three weeks before doomsday, NASA trains these guys, who include Ben Affleck, Will Patton and Steve Buscemi, for space flight. Training takes long enough to leave the drill team only about 12 hours to land on the big rock, drill its 800-foot-deep hole, plant the nuke and fly away home. This isn't science fiction, it's "The Dirty Dozen Saves the Planet." Armageddon is a visceral, pulse-pounding, exciting movie, no doubt about it. And it's all so familiar that you can sit back and just watch, knowing what will come next. The characters are stock. Willis' Harry is the pragmatic, get-the-job done leader-father figure; Affleck's A.J. is the hot-head, thinks-he's-smarter-than-anyone, son-Harry-never-had romantic lead. Billy Bob Thornton as Truman, the NASA director, is the guy who keeps reminding everyone of the clock; Liv Tyler is Harry's independent-minded daughter who's in love with A.J., much to Harry's disapproval; and Buscemi is Rockhound, the wacky, smart-mouth, wise-cracking genius who has lost a couple of his marbles. So there you have it. The outcome is obvious. During the 144-minute running time, you don't need a scorecard to figure out who survives and who doesn't. Armageddon features some dynamite special effects, but on the whole, it's an empty, almost cynical movie in the way it manipulates its audience. It's also rather jingoistic. The rest of the world merely watches and prays, leaving it up to the good, old U.S.A. to save the planet. That seems like the most improbable aspect of this seat-of-your-pants fantasy. Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette, Ind. He can be reached by e-mail at bloom@journal-courier.com or at cbloom@iquest.net From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Mar 3 16:15:14 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed2.news.luth.se!luth.se!sunqbc.risq.qc.ca!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: sidney785@aol.com (Matthew Dalton) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 22 Feb 1999 06:28:26 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 50 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <7aqtea$ue6$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer33.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 919664906 31174 (None) 140.142.17.37 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #16751 Keywords: author=dalton X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer33.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:16037 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2261 REVIEW 'Armageddon' Rated PG13, 1998 1.5 stars Reviewed by Matthew Dalton Right in the midst of Deep Impact comes Armageddon: a clunker of a movie about an asteroid the size of Texas on a collision course with earth. The first 10 minutes of this film are pretty entertaining, and, downright spectacular. A comet shower (not detected by NASA) rains on an American spaceship and blows the thing up good before it proceeds to New York City. Of course, soon after, producer Jerry Bruckheimer digs into stupidity with holes in the script big enough to drive a comet the size of Texas through. NASA wants to keep the disaster under wraps, and does so. How the hell can you keep the news of NYC in ruins a matter of top-secret information? Easy. Get director Michael Bay to scope out more digital effects than one can count, and you lose all sight of reality. NASA, soon after the apocalyptic mess, finds out about said asteroid and hires the world's best oil driller (Bruce Willis, in another Bruce Willis role) to plant nuclear bombs on the surface of the asteroid in hopes of splitting the thing in two. Willis and his wise-ass crew (including Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi, doing his Con Air role all over again) go into space, where, lo, more special effects and over-the-top acting reached heights of me ripping out my eyeballs. Deep Impact was so real and scary that another comet flick the same year seemed uncanny, like Volcano when it trailed Dante's Peak in 1997 (I prefered Peak over Volcano). Impact had characters worth caring for. Armageddon has zero. The script is so small and lame-brained, that, when in doubt, the characters ask each other "Are we gonna make it?" Like Con Air, and The Rock, Armageddon is an FX-ridden, unfun, unfunny, flashy film that is a true disaster. Don't forget to check your emergancy exits in the theater before viewing this garbage. ***** a classic **** excellent *** good ** fair * poor -Matthew Dalton is a critic for the Cinemascope Limited Inc. Weekly- From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Mar 3 16:15:27 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed2.news.luth.se!luth.se!sunqbc.risq.qc.ca!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: Jon Popick Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 25 Feb 1999 06:02:02 GMT Organization: PLANET SICK-BOY Lines: 94 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <7b2p0q$htq$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer38.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 919922522 18362 (None) 140.142.17.35 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #16853 Keywords: author=popick X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer38.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:16070 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2265 >From the creative team that invented the "why don’t we all just whip it out and see whose got the biggest dick" film, Armageddon surpasses its predecessors in budget, effects and pure testosterone output. I’m talking about Jerry Bruckheimer (ConAir, Crimson Tide) and Michael Bay (The Rock, Bad Boys), the guys that seem to annually discharge the type of "sword-fight" picture that features an all male cast and relies on big explosions to keep their date-raping homophobe frat-boy legions glued to the screen. You just know if these two were involved in the music business, they would probably be responsible for the horrific big-haired cock-rock that came into popularity in the mid 80’s. With that said, Armageddon is still good. Well, maybe good isn’t the right word. It is very entertaining and even features (gulp) a female in a sort of important role. Not peripheral characters like Nicolas Cage’s wife in ConAir or Sean Connery’s daughter in The Rock, but a real honest to goodness woman who…OK…maybe I’m exaggerating. She’s still just eye candy. The following is an excerpt of the PLANET SICK-BOY review for Deep Impact. There really isn’t any point in me thinking up a fresh way to say what I can just cut and paste from somewhere else. It’s pretty much the same story, so everybody follow along: The premise is simple – an asteroid the size of New York City is headed toward Earth, threatening global destruction and the eventual extinction of all its inhabitants. And no, the world isn’t saved by an Apple PowerBook or Slim Whitman records. No doubt aided by a story culled from recent headlines, Deep Impact is also set apart from the rest of the big budget schlock by tapping into real human emotion. Some of the heartstring tugging is a little too much to handle, but if you’re used to the weekly emotion manipulation hour every Thursday night at 10:00 PM, it won’t seem quite so painful. I wonder if you can get an emotion callous? I wonder how many times I can use the word "emotion" in this paragraph? Just replace the title and the part about "tapping into real human emotion". Not that the typical "Bruce saves the world" movie usually disappoints in that department. While Deep Impact spent more time developing characters, Armageddon spent that time (and 30 additional minutes) blowing stuff up. In fact, it cost more to market Armageddon ($80,000,000.00) than it did to make Deep Impact. Them explosions ain’t cheap, but I’m sure that they’ll payoff when the dust settles and the final numbers come in. Armageddon will likely outgross its rival within two weeks. The other main difference in Armageddon is that the ragtag bunch sent off into space to take care of the asteroid isn’t an experienced group of astronauts, but a crusty team of oil drillers. Join us, as we meet the main players: Harry Stamper (Willis, The Fifth Element) - the best oil rigger in the world, Harry owns runs the company that employs the other cast members. He is also the father of... Grace Stamper (Tyler, Stealing Beauty) - the beanpole that came of age on the big rig and, thusly, has fallen for one of her father’s workers named... A.J. Frost (Affleck, Good Will Hunting) - the cocky young-turk driller who, when he isn’t penetrating the earth for black gold, penetrates the doe-eyed Grace behind his boss’s back Rockhound (Buscemi, ConAir) - the crazy kooky guy with the messed up teeth Jayotis "Bear" Kurleen (Michael Duncan) - the black guy Oscar Choi (Owen Wilson, Bottle Rocket) - the cowboy Chick (Will Patton, The Postman) - the other guy Like I said, not much character development and that’s kind of surprising in a film with a 2 1/2 runtime. Even more unexpected is the fact that it was born of a writing team that, individually, was responsible for Jumanji and The Devil’s Advocate. Rumor has it that the studio brought in some heavy hitting script doctors to punch up the story, but it doesn’t really show. For the record, they are Paul Attanasio (Donnie Brasco), Ann Biderman (Primal Fear) and Robert Towne (Chinatown). But, who needs a script when size is the only thing that matters? Armageddon is probably the slickest looking film this side of Titanic. While the actual events are completely preposterous, they look very authentic. Credit Titanic King of the World and his effect company, Digital Domain, for the realism. And bored viewers can look for Digital Domain’s creepy metal skull (from T2) trademark, which appears a few times in the film. So, basically, don’t go to see a great movie. Go to have a great time. PLANET SICK-BOY: http://home.eznet.net/~jpopick From rec.arts.sf.reviews Wed Mar 3 16:16:14 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed2.news.luth.se!luth.se!cyclone.news.idirect.com!island.idirect.com!newsfeed.axxsys.net!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: pierce80@aol.com (Pierce Dalton) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 27 Feb 1999 05:47:38 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 40 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <7b80tq$ok0$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: homer10.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 920094458 25216 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #16891 Keywords: author=dalton X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer10.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:16092 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2266 ARMAGEDDON Reviewed by Pierce Dalton 1 1/2 stars (out of 4) Armageddon blows. It a matter of speaking, or course The comet-disaster flick is a disaster alright. Directed by Tony Scott (Top Gun), it tells the story about an asteroid the size of Texas caught on a collision course with earth. And you thought that dinky little comet in Deep Impact was trouble. Jeez. After a great opening, in which an American spaceship, plus the city of New York, are completely destroyed by a comet shower, NASA detects the said asteroid and go into a frenzy. They hire the world's best oil driller (Bruce Willis), and send him and his crew up into space to fix our globel problem. That's like sending a mouse into a cat carrier, isn't it? The action in Armageddon are so over the top, nonstop, and too ludicrous for words, I had to sigh and hit my head with my notebook a couple of times. I was not alone. Plus, to see a wonderful actor like Billy Bob Thornton is a film like Armageddon is a waste of the actor's talents. The film is just a reel to show off a bunch of snazzy FX shots. The only real reason for making this film was to somehow out-perform Deep Impact. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer fails with Armageddon. It's my pick for one of the worst of the year. 1999 (c) Quick Flick Pix pierce80@aol.com From rec.arts.sf.reviews Tue Apr 6 18:27:52 1999 Path: news.ifm.liu.se!news.lth.se!feed2.news.luth.se!luth.se!nntp.primenet.com!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!news.u.washington.edu!grahams From: MoviMan18@aol.com (Fox Davidson) Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998) Followup-To: rec.arts.sf.movies Date: 5 Apr 1999 05:03:57 GMT Organization: None Lines: 31 Approved: graham@ee.washington.edu Message-ID: <7e9g7t$j4u$1@nntp3.u.washington.edu> Reply-To: MoviMan18@aol.com NNTP-Posting-Host: homer15.u.washington.edu X-Trace: nntp3.u.washington.edu 923288637 19614 (None) 140.142.17.38 X-Complaints-To: help@cac.washington.edu NNTP-Posting-User: grahams Summary: r.a.m.r. #17638 Keywords: author=davidson X-Questions-to: movie-rev-mod@www.ee.washington.edu X-Submissions-to: movie-reviews@www.ee.washington.edu Originator: grahams@homer15.u.washington.edu Xref: news.ifm.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:16841 rec.arts.sf.reviews:2280 Armageddon Review by Fox Davidson In one of the most hyped films of the past decade, Armageddon is a mega-bust. A disaster flick that is a disaster on every level. Not even Bruce Willis can save this expensive, incoherent, derivative mess. Following in the superior Deep Impact's heels, Armageddon tells the mudding tale of an asteroid the size of Texas on a collision course with Earth. The film fails to mention how this particular hunk of space rock was detected by NASA, or even the inept script-hole that shows a U.S. spacecraft being obliterated in orbit by a comet shower, followed by the destruction of Manhattan. Oops. NASA couldn't see that? I guess when you are Billy Bob Thornton (playing a NASA official), you kinda wonder how such a wonderful actor as yourself is reduced to rubish like Armageddon. Willis plays Harry Stamper, "the world's best oil driller," who is called into action (just like it Die Hard, Mercury Rising, Die Hard 2!). I have no idea why Harry, and his retarted group of drillers, are called for a job that if failed, would mean the end of life as we know it. I guess it would seem cooler to have a bunch of dudes rescuing us from complete death and destruction than some smart, well-mannered scientist-cume-Amercian hero. The DVD of the movie is okay. It contains a trailer, I believe a commentary (I was so looking forward to taking this disc out of my machine, I didn't notice), and some other mumbo jumbo. The soundtrack is wide and good, but, like the cast, this disc is just worthless. Film: * Disc: ** From rec.arts.sf.reviews Thu Sep 18 22:42:24 2003 Path: news.island.liu.se!newsfeed.sunet.se!news01.sunet.se!uninett.no!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newshosting.com!news-xfer1.atl.newshosting.com!news-out.superfeed.net!propagator2-maxim!feed-maxim.newsfeeds.com!feed.uncensored-news.com!sn-xit-02!sn-xit-04!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!news.supernews.com!not-for-mail From: Jerry Saravia Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.reviews,rec.arts.sf.reviews Subject: Retrospective: Armageddon (1998) Approved: ramr@rottentomatoes.com Followup-To: rec.arts.movies.past-films Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2003 19:21:15 -0000 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: X-RAMR-ID: 35302 X-Language: en X-RT-ReviewID: 1177227 X-RT-TitleID: 1083337 X-RT-SourceID: 875 X-RT-AuthorID: 1314 X-RT-RatingText: 2.5/4 Summary: r.a.m.r. #35302 X-Questions-to: ramr@rottentomatoes.com X-Submissions-to: ramr@rottentomatoes.com X-Complaints-To: abuse@supernews.com Lines: 37 Xref: news.island.liu.se rec.arts.movies.reviews:7132 rec.arts.sf.reviews:620 ARMAGEDDON (1998) Reviewed by Jerry Saravia RATING: Two stars and a half "Armageddon" is one of the guiltiest pleasures of my reviewing career - an obscenely loud, unnecessarily expensive, fairly exciting, often hysterical action film about meteors crashing down on Earth, notably New York City. One obscenely huge asteroid, the size of a small country, is about to crash down on Earth and destroy it. Billy Bob Thornton, in the movie's best performance, is the laconic NASA official who decides the best plan of defense is to hire...oil drillers (!) to stop the deadly asteroid by drilling a hole through its center and planting a nuclear bomb. Huh? Hey, it's only a movie, especially when the oil drillers are played by Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and the hilarious Steve Buscemi. Oh, and there's Liv Tyler as Willis's daughter, but the less said about her, the better. "Armageddon" is silly, fast-paced, overlong, junky, nonsensical moviemaking with more cuts and fast-moving camera angles per second than ten Martin Scorsese movies cobbled together. The idea is to give you a migraine the size of an asteroid, not to entertain you. I admit I was entertained. Still, this type of plotless stupidity has its limitations in an overworked genre. For more reviews, check out JERRY AT THE MOVIES at http://www.geocities.com/faustus_08520/Jerry_at_the_Movies.html Email: Faust668@aol.com or at faustus_08520@yahoo.com ========== X-RAMR-ID: 35302 X-Language: en X-RT-ReviewID: 1177227 X-RT-TitleID: 1083337 X-RT-SourceID: 875 X-RT-AuthorID: 1314 X-RT-RatingText: 2.5/4