Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998)

From: Scott Renshaw <[email-masked]>
Date: 10 Jul 1998 15:44:30 GMT

ARMAGEDDON
(Touchstone)
Starring:  Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve
Buscemi, Will Patton, Peter Storemare, Keith David.
Screenplay:  Jonathan Hensleigh and J. J. Abrams.
Producers:  Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd and Michael Bay.
Director:  Michael Bay.
MPAA Rating:  PG-13 (profanity, adult themes, violence)
Running Time:  150 minutes.
Reviewed by Scott Renshaw.

     You gotta give bonus points to the Touchstone Pictures publicity
department for uncommon candor on the subject of big-budget film
screenwriting.  Press materials for ARMAGEDDON proudly trumpet the fact
that the producers "assembled a cadre of talented writers" to polish up
Jonathan Hensleigh's script, including Tony Gilroy, Paul Attanasio, Scott
Rosenbert and Robert Towne.  Even cast members Steve Buscemi, Peter
Stormare and Owen Wilson were acknowledged for their ad-lib contributions.
After creating an additional writing credit to accommodate two more names
("Adaptation" on top of "Story" and "Screenplay," as if you could figure
out the difference), Jerry Bruckheimer and Touchstone appear to have
publicly embraced the concept of pot-luck screenwriting:  the notion that
if a dozen different guys all bring something to the table, you end up
with a cinematic meal.

     Or in the case of ARMAGEDDON, one massive snack.  The subject, of
course, is this summer's favorite -- a huge celestial body on a collision
course with our Big Blue Marble, this one an asteroid the size of Texas.
Faced with a "Global Killer" certain to wipe out life as we know it, NASA
chief Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) initiates a plan involving landing a
shuttle on the asteroid and planting a nuclear warhead 800 feet below its
surface.  To that end he recruits deep-core oil driller Harry Stamper
(Bruce Willis) for the job of making the big hole for the big bomb.
Naturally, Harry needs his misfit crew along with him, including hot-shot
A. J. (Ben Affleck), who coincidentally is in love with Harry's daughter
Grace (Liv Tyler), much to Harry's paternal consternation.

     It's enough to generate flashbacks from DEEP IMPACT, where the feeble
attempts to generate sweeping emotion more often generated sleeping
emotion.  ARMAGEDDON, to its credit, at least gets its priorities
straight.  Make no mistake, this is a special effects-driven action film,
chock-a-block with ahhh-inspiring scenes -- exploding space shuttles,
meteor showers toppling the Empire State Building, the gargoyles on the
Notre Dame Cathedral watching as Paris is reduced to baguette crumbs.
Director Michael Bay predictably resorts to tension-builders like close
shaves with countdown clocks, but at least he knows enough to keep the
focus on the drill team's mission once they're in space.  For its final 75
minutes, ARMAGEDDON is virtually nothing but explosions, crashes and
narrow escapes...and that's a good thing.

     It's the _first_ 75 minutes which truly test your gag reflex, as the
aforementioned cadre of writers tries vainly to create the illusion of
character development.  Stock interpersonal conflicts share time with
tender moments as all involved make their peace before heading off to save
humanity; I'm not sure whether I was more moved by the gruff
reconciliation between Grace and Harry, or A. J. wooing Grace using Animal
Crackers for foreplay (don't ask).  It's all a load of nonsense, made even
less interesting by Bay's foolish decision to keep chopping back and forth
between the playful introduction of our roughneck protagonists and a
solemn war room session at NASA.  There's nothing cohesive or compelling
about ARMAGEDDON as narrative; strangely enough, it feels like the result
of a dozen different writers contributing individual scenes or lines of
dialogue.

     I'm not going to suggest that ARMAGEDDON isn't a pretty effective
diversion.  If there's one thing a dozen writers can do, it's produce a
bunch of solid laughs and craft a few exciting action sequences.  It's fun
watching the unhinged performances of Buscemi (as the crew's horny
geologist) and his FARGO partner Stormare (as a loopy Cosmonaut), and it's
fun grinning at creaky devices like military men being turned into
villains for choosing the fate of all humanity over our intrepid heroes.
There's just not much more you can expect from a film where they seem more
interested in throwing in a GODZILLA gag than in letting one writer create
an actual story.  For all the uneven visceral enjoyment that it's worth,
TOUCHSTONE PICTURES proudly presents ARMAGEDDON:  a blockbuster a la
carte.

     On the Renshaw scale of 0 to 10 asteroid belts:  6.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
                      Visit Scott Renshaw's MoviePage
                    http://www.inconnect.com/~renshaw/
                                   ***
             Subscribe to receive new reviews directly by email!
 See the MoviePage for details, or reply to this message with subject line
                               "Subscribe".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------