Subject: Review: Armageddon (1998)

From: [email-masked] ("Average Joe" Barlow)
Date: 20 Jul 1998 05:00:30 GMT

Armageddon
                    A movie review by "Average Joe" Barlow
                             (c) Copyright 1998

STARRING:   Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton,
            Steve Buscemi, Michael Duncan
DIRECTOR:   Michael Bay
WRITERS:    Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno
RATED/YEAR: PG-13/1998

        "Armageddon" is the latest in a recent flood of films about big
rocks striking the Earth, a subject Hollywood can't seem to get enough of.
Roger Corman, known primarily for his many low-budget horror films of the
'50s, began the trend with last year's TV mini-series, "Asteroid."  This
summer has already seen the release of "Deep Impact," and while "Armageddon"
is a better film than either of its predecessers, it may nonetheless be
too little too late to satisfy movie-goers.
        The story is straightforward enough.  Several small meteorites
have struck New York City, causing extensive damage to life and property.
NASA discovers that these small rocks are but a prelude: an asteroid the
size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth.  The rock's size means
that it's a "planet killer," with the potential to destroy all life on
Earth, right down to the bacteria.
        Realising that no amount of weapons fired from the Earth's surface
will stop the asteroid, NASA chairman Dan Truman (an excellent Billy Bob
Thornton) sends a team to intercept it.  Their mission: drill 8OO feet into
the surface of the rock, plant a nuclear bomb inside, then detonate it once
they are safely away.  The resulting explosion should split the asteroid in
two, causing it to miss the Earth.
        Bruce Willis (Die Hard) plays oil-driller Harry Stamper, recruited
to head the mission because of his expertise drilling into unusual types of
rock.  Also along for the ride are A.J. (Ben Affleck), Rockhound (Steve
Buscemi), Bear (Michael Duncan) and several other professional drillers.
Although the team doesn't particularly like each other, they are forced to
work together against a common obstacle.  Since this is a Hollywood film,
the act naturally brings them closer together.
        This should be a compelling story in its own right, but director
Michael Bay and screenwriters Gilroy and Salerno don't seem sure of their
ability to make it interesting; as such, they throw tons of ridiculous
subplots into the mix.  This is the sort of film where if there's even the
slightest chance for something to go wrong, it will.  So naturally the
drill gets stuck, the timer on the nuclear bomb doesn't work, levers break
off in our heroes' hands at critical times for no particular reason... well,
you get the idea.  This film turns "suspension of disbelief" into an art
form.  After a while, these misfortunes cease to be suspenseful and become
laughable.
        Like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" has the obligatory disfunctional
family.  Tea Leoni does not get along with her father in "Deep Impact";
Bruce Willis does not get along with his daughter in "Armageddon."  Leoni
hates her father's new girlfriend in "Impact"; Willis hates his daughter's
boyfriend (played by Affleck's character) in "Armageddon."  Leoni and
father reconcile in "Impact"; Willis and daughter reconcile in "Armageddon."
How sweet.  It might be remotely interesting if I hadn't just seen it.
        "Armageddon" won't go down as a sci-fi classic, but it's probably
worth a peek.  What sets it apart from the other rock flicks is not its
intelligence (which is only average), nor its special effects (which are
fine, though not extraordinary).  The acting is the key here, and the cast
does not disappoint.  Tyler and Affleck are a great screen couple, the
epitome of young lovers who are uncertain of the future and what it may
bring.  Thornton is also excellent as the NASA official helping out the
team from the ground.
        Surprisingly, humor is a big part of the film's charm; witness Steve
Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs, The Wedding Singer), who's played primarily for
laughs here and comes through in spades.  His observations about the
space shuttle's construction are particularly entertaining.  Other moments
to look for: an amusing cameo by Godzilla in the film's opening scene, a
Russian cosmonaut afflicted with a serious case of space madness, and the
wonderful scenes in which the crew members undergo NASA psychological
testing.
        Although Aerosmith is not credited with the film's musical score,
they do perform the lion's share of the tunes.  No doubt this is because
Liv Tyler (daughter of Stephen, Aerosmith's lead singer) stars.  If you
like Aerosmith, you're in for a treat.  If you don't... well, sorry.
        I hope this film does well at the box office.  Not because it's
a great artistic achievment, mind you; I simply want director Michael
Bay to make enough money to buy a tripod.  I've never seen a movie so
afraid of static shots.  Some scenes vibrate as though the cameraman was
bouncing around the set on a pogo stick; others make me wonder if the
photographer mistook the camera for an etch-a-sketch and was trying to
erase the picture he'd drawn.  The visual style of the film is often quite
effective, though, particularly in the outer space sequences.  My
recommendation?  Bring along some Dramemine, check your brain at the door,
and just enjoy the ride.

                  RATING: 2.5 stars (out of a possible five)

This review was originally written: July 5, 1998

Copyright (c) 1998 by Joe Barlow.  This review may be freely distributed as
long as ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGES are made and this disclaimer remains attached.
It may not reproduced for profit without the written consent of the author.
If you have comments or questions, please send them to: jbarlow at earthling
dot net (substituting the appropriate symbols, to discourage spam).

-----
             "Average Joe" Barlow     MiSTie #73097
  [email-masked]    http://www.ipass.net/~jbarlow
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            "More Reba!  More Garth!  And... Wynona!"
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