From cnishida@netcom.com Sun Apr 14 02:38:53 1996 Received: from netcom10.netcom.com by soyokaze.biosci.ohio-state.edu (8.7.1/1.950110) id CAA05008; Sun, 14 Apr 1996 02:38:52 GMT Received: by netcom10.netcom.com (8.6.13/Netcom) id TAA19819; Sat, 13 Apr 1996 19:38:42 -0700 Date: Sat, 13 Apr 1996 19:38:42 -0700 (PDT) From: "Craig H. Nishida" Subject: Re: [MB-MANGA] 4.1 To: MB-trans ML Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Some items were already edited, so I'm skipping those... On Fri, 12 Apr 1996, Paul wrote: > > p 2 > > Looks cool, but is mean?! kakko ii ga IJIWARU!? > > cool...but mean? This part has been thru edits twice already (in chapters 2.1 and 3.1) and those scripts are already archived. Unless it's a major change, I think I'll leave them alone. ^_^;; > > caption: > > Is taking an interest in YUU ni KYOUMI o motte-iru!? > > Yuu?! in-Yuu interest (O) is-taking > > remove 'is' Prefer it as-is. I've been patterning all the descriptions beginning with a verb. The descriptions that DO have verbs in them, that is. > > text: > > Miki and Yuu come to live MIKI to YUU wa, RYOUSHIN ga > > in the same house due to and (T) parents (S) > > their parents announcing > > that they're swapping IreKAe KEKKON suru to IiDAshita tame, > > marriage partners. swap-marriages proposed-that because > > > > DOUKYO suru koto ni. > > live-in-same-house of-all-things > > koto ni.? Is there a 'natta' missing at the end? Nope. > also came to live? Again, this part has been thru edits twice before. The paragraphs after this one are new, though: > not knowing [herself], her ow feelings over....her heart wavers back... Slide the "heart" down? Sure. Oops. Looking at it that way, it's obvious that we have a dangling participle here. The "subject" of the participle is "Miki" and yet the sentence's subject is "heart". Well, I guess it isn't a bad dangling participle... ===> Not knowing her own feelings ittai JIBUN wa YUU to GINTA no over which one--Yuu or Ginta in-the-world self (T) and 's --she really likes, her heart wavers back and forth dochira ga SUki na no ka, JIBUN no day after day. which (S) like (nom) (?) self 's KIMOchi ga wakarazu KOKORO ga feeling (S) not-know heart (S) YUreru MAINICHI. sway/swing every-day > pierces Miki's heart [by] saying "You... With Miki in that state, sonna MIKI ni, YUU no Yuu's old girlfriend, Arimi, to-a-Miki-like-that 's who even now can't forget him, pierces Miki's heart MUKASHI no KANOJO de, IMA demo YUU o by saying, "You don't by-old-girlfriend even-now (O) deserve Yuu." WASUrerarenai ARIMI kara no, not-able-to-forget from-Arimi (nom) "anata ni YUU wa fusawashikunai" to-you (T) not-worthy-of to iu HITOKOTO ga, MIKI no MUNE ni say-that a-single-word (S) to-Miki's-heart TSUkisasaru. pierce > > [paragraph 4] > > Meanwhile, there's a huge IPPOU, konna TOKI ni > > uproar because the love meanwhile at-this-kind-of-time > > between Meiko--Miki's close ____ > > friend, who Miki should be TAYOri ni naru hazu no > > leaning on at a time like rely-on should (nom) > > this--and Namura-sensei is > > revealed to those in school. MIKI no SHIN'YUU - MEIKO to > > 's dear-friend and > > > > NAMURA-SENSEI to no KOI ga, > > 's love (S) > > ____ > > GAKKOU GAWA ni barete OOSAWAgi. > > to-school-side reveal-(and) great-uproar > > just for ordering's sake...meanwhile becaus the love...in school, there is > a huge uproar I preferred it that way because of how long that "because" part is. By the time you read to the end, you forget it's a "because" clause. > just marathon ===> 5-2 pigtailed girl: _______ The marathon is almost here, mo-- sugu marason TAIKAI kaa... huh... near marathon tournament > there's no way a rumor like that would be true [anyway] ===> 6-5 _____ _____ There's no way a rumor like anna uwasa honto no wake nai that would be true! rumor-like-that true 's reason not-have no ni sa-- even-though 6-5 > > Miki FX: > > butsu butsu > > mumble? i dunno Either. > > 8-2 > > Meiko: _____ ____ > > Oh, it *would* become this korya uwasa ni naru hazu da wa > > sort of rumor! turn-into-rumor-like-this ought-to > > the 'nauru hazu da wa' is ought to, but a bit stronger. mayb "no wonder > [something like this[ would be[come] a rumor" - i dunno, tha tmight be too > strong Well, I tried to add to it by *italicizing* the "would/should". > just them/those-two being on "Them" or not. Either way for me. ===> 8-4 Miki: Th...that's just them being a...are wa TAN ni NAKA ga ii on good terms. that (T) merely being-good-friends dake da yo only is > > It's a friendship, right?!! YUUJOU da yo ne_!! > > friendship is (rhet) > > good friendship? Sounds better without. Since "good" is part of the line before. > > p 9 > > hypothetical Yuu: > > I'm physically only able to ore wa OTOKO shika AIsenai > > love guys. I (T) guy can-only-love > > > > TAISHITSU na n da > > physical-constitution is (explan) > > is that physically? as in i'm physicaly capable of only loving guys? Same thing, huh? Well, whatever: ===> 9-3 hypothetical Yuu: I'm physically capable of ore wa OTOKO shika AIsenai only loving guys. I (T) guy can-only-love TAISHITSU na n da physical-constitution is (explan) 9-4 > > Meiko: > > (Now she's turning (kondo AOku natte-ru...) > > green...) this-time green/blue/pale is-turning > > ao is blue. midori is green. but i guess for america's sake it is > green-sick, not blue-sick Well, it currently stands at pale-sick. > The "popularity corner" isn't right. "ninki ko-na-" is just a phrase for > a popular-segment of the "Lunchtime News" broadcast show. ===> 10-4 Lunchtime News broadcaster: ___________ _______ Yup. You know the "This ee ranchitaimu nyu--su no NINKI Week's Couple"--the popular yes Lunchtime-News 's popular corner of the Lunchtime ________ _______ News, right? ko--na-- "KONSHUU no kappuru" corner this-week 's couple SHItte-ru desho poss-are-knowing > setsumei-tsuku is a phrase for "that explains everything" or "satisfactory > explanation for the problem' (the problem/question being why hasn't the guy > chosena favorite gf) ===> 11-1 Meiko: ___ In reality, he was gay! JITSU wa gei datta! reality (T) gay was So then, that explains it sore nara SETSUMEI tsuku wa yo ne-- all, right? so-then explanation follow (rhet) > > 11-3 > > Miki: _______ > > If it's gathering info you SHUZAI suru nara HOKA no kappuru > > want, go look for another collect-info if-it-is another-couple > > couple. > > sagashite yo > > look-for > > this shuzai isn't just nterview? Well, he isn't looking for an interview. He's secretly filming them. > the first so-yo is just an emphatic 'Yah" or affirming sound ===> 11-6 Miki: [off] _no--maru_ (Yeah. Yuu is definitely so-- yo YUU wa ZETTAI SEIJOU yo normal. (T) absoluteness normal _____ ___ A rumor like that is anna uwasa uso ni KImatte certainly a lie!!) rumor-like-that by-lie invariably n da kara!!) (explan) that's-why > just meeting like this and [only] talking [like this] is enough ===> 12-3 actress: [off] I can't bring up the courage mada YUUKI ga denai just yet... yet courage (S) not-summon-up no yo atashi... I Just meeting and talking koushite Atte o-HANASHI like this is enough. do-like-this-(and) meet-(and) conversation dekiru dake de JUUBUN na no can-do only is-(and) enough is > > actor: [off] > > I don't want to send you KON'YA wa kimi o KAEshitakunai > > away tonight! tonight (T) you (O) not-want-to-send-back > > let you go back? i dunno I guess that isn't very literal, but what's there sure sounds off, it's true. ===> 11-3 actor: [off] Hiroko-san! HIROKO-san! I don't want to let you KON'YA wa kimi o KAEshitakunai go back tonight! tonight (T) you (O) not-want-to-send-back n da! (explan) > > 12-5 > > Miki: > > (So I'm the only one who's (to ka OMOtte-ru no wa do--se > > thinking this. am-thinking-that (nom) (T) anyway/so > > > > atashi dake da kedo sa > > I only am but > > > > This troop with no common kono HIJOUSHIKI GUNDAN ga!!) > > sense!!) this lack-common-sense army-corp > > kono here is an accusatory 'you!' Okay, but the "this" works too, since Miki is only thinking this. > the ball drifts ===> 14-2 Miki: Yeah. un It makes it hard, hm. yarinikui yo ne ______ The ball drifts. bo--ru ga NAGArete ball (S) drift-(and) > anime, the editor-in-chief had told/said-to me "think of it as having given > her away in marriage" > ...and i had thought it would be best if i just kept my mouth shut and > leave everything to the [animation] staff to do their work... ===> FREE TALK (2): _____ At the time this was turned anime KAsuru ni atatte, into an anime, the editor- anime change-into on-the-occasion-of in-chief told me to "think of it as having given away HENSHUUCHOU kara wa a daughter in marriage," and by-editor-in-chief (contrast) so I thought that it'd be best not to say anything "o-YOME ni DAshita to OMOinasai" and leave everything to the sent-(daughter)-off-as-a-bride think-that (anime) staff, but the producer, Seki-san, kindly to Iwarete-mashita shi, WATASHI wa remarked to me that he was-being-said-that and-besides I (T) "wants to create something as close to the original NANI mo KUCHI o DAsazu ni author's intent as anything not-interrupt-a-conversation possible," and listened _______ kindly to several of my subete sutaffu ni omakase suru no ga opinions beforehand. all to-staff leaving-to (S) YOi n daro-- na, to OMOtte-ta n desu good (rhet) was-thinking (explan) _____________ ga, purodyu--sa-- no SEKI-san wa and/but producer 's (T) "narubeku GENSAKUSHA no IKOU ni as...as-possible by-original-author's- wishes sou mono o TSUKUritai" thing-like-that (O) want-to-create to osshatte-KUDAsai, iroiro to (please)-remark-that in-various-ways JIZEN ni WATASHI no IKEN o beforehand my-opinion (O) KIite-KUDAsaimasu. listen-(kindly-to-me) > more later, gotta run. sigh. Busy, busy? Sounds like you're doing more than just load System 7.5 these days, Paul! ^_^ Craig