Chapter 4: Usenet customs & myths (5 of 7) -- BIG SIG


     There are .sigs and there are .sigs.  Many people put only
bare-bones information in their .sig files -- their names and e-mail
addresses, perhaps their phone numbers.  Others add a quotation they
think is funny or profound and a disclaimer that their views are not
those of their employer. Still others add some ASCII-art graphics.  And
then there are those who go totally berserk, posting huge creations with
multiple quotes, hideous ASCII "barfics" and more e-mail addresses than
anybody could humanly need.  College freshmen unleashed on the Net seem
to excel at these.   You can see the best of the worst in the
alt.fan.warlord newsgroup, which exists solely to critique .sigs that go
too far, such as:

___________________________________________________________________________
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|#|                                                                     |#|
|#|   *****  *    *  *****    *   *  *****  *****  *****                |#|
|#|     *    *    *  *        ** **  *      *      *   *                |#|
|#|     *    ******  ***      * * *  ***    *  **  *****   *****        |#|
|#|     *    *    *  *        *   *  *      *   *  *   *                |#|
|#|     *    *    *  *****    *   *  *****  *****  *   *                |#|
|#|                                                                     |#|
|#|   ****   *****  *****         *****  *****  *****    *****  *****   |#|
|#|   *  **    *    *             *        *    *        *      *   *   |#|
|#|   ****     *    *  **         *****    *    *  **    *      *   *   |#|
|#|   *  **    *    *   *     **      *    *    *   *    *      *   *   |#|
|#|   ****   *****  *****     **  *****  *****  *****    *****  *****   |#|
|#|                                                                     |#|
|#|            T-H-E  M-E-G-A  B-I-G  .S-I-G  C-O-M-P-A-N-Y             |#|
|#|                  ~-----------------------------~                    |#|
|#|  "Annoying people with huge net.signatures for over 20 years..."    |#|
|#|                                                                     |#|
|#|---------------------------------------------------------------------|#|
|#| "The difference between a net.idiot and a bucket of shit is that at |#|
|#|  least a bucket can be emptied.  Let me further illustrate my point |#|
|#|  by comparing these charts here. (pulls out charts)  Here we have a |#|
|#|  user who not only flames people who don't agree with his narrow-   |#|
|#|  minded drivel, but he has this huge signature that takes up many   |#|
|#|  pages with useless quotes.  This also makes reading his frequented |#|
|#|  newsgroups a torture akin to having at 300 baud modem on a VAX. I  |#|
|#|  might also add that his contribution to society rivals only toxic  |#|
|#|  dump sites."                                                       |#|
|#|                     -- Robert A. Dumpstik, Jr                       |#|
|#|                        President of The Mega Big Sig Company        |#|
|#|                        September 13th, 1990 at 4:15pm               |#|
|#|                        During his speech at the "Net.abusers        |#|
|#|                        Society Luncheon" during the                 |#|
|#|                        "1990 Net.idiots Annual Convention"          |#|
|#|_____________________________________________________________________|#|
|#|                                                                     |#|
|#| Thomas Babbit, III: 5th Assistant to the Vice President of Sales    |#|
|#|      __                                                             |#|
|#|  ==========    ______             Digital Widget Manufacturing Co.  |#|
|#|         \\     /                  1147 Complex Incorporated Drive   |#|
|#|        )-=======                  Suite 215                         |#|
|#|                                   Nostromo, VA 22550-1147           |#|
|#| #NC-17 Enterpoop Ship :)          Phone # 804-844-2525              |#|
|#|    ----------------               Fax # 804-411-1115                |#|
|#| "Shut up, Wesley!"                Online Service # 804-411-1100     |#|
|#|                  -- Me            at 300-2400, and now 9600 baud!   |#|
|#|                                   PUNet: tbabb!digwig!nostromo      |#|
|#| Home address:                     InterNet: dvader@imperial.emp.com |#|
|#| Thomas Babbit, III                Prodigy: Still awaiting author-   |#|
|#| 104 Luzyer Way                             ization                  |#|
|#| Sulaco, VA 22545                  "Manufacturing educational widget |#|
|#| Phone # 804-555-1524               design for over 3 years..."      |#|
|#|=====================================================================|#|
|#|                                                                     |#|
|#|  Introducing:                                                       |#|
|#|                                 ______                              |#|
|#|  The  |\  /|                         /                              |#|
|#|       | \/ |                        /                               |#|
|#|       |    |                       /                                |#|
|#|       |    |                      /                                 |#|
|#|       |    | ETELHED             /_____ ONE                         |#|
|#|'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'|#|
|#| 50Megs Online!  The k00l BBS for rad teens!  Lots of games and many |#|
|#| bases for kul topix!  Call now and be validated to the Metelhed Zone|#|
|#|                      -- 804-555-8500 --                             |#|
|#|\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\V/////////////////////////////////////|#|
|#| "This is the end, my friend..."      -- The Doors                   |#|
|#########################################################################|

Hit "b" to continue Hahahha... fooled u!